Far From Family - Priced out from returning

[Anonymous]

This story made me very sad.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/realestate/families-reunite-in-pandemic-and-rethink-what-home-means/2021/05/05/eb26bc04-93de-11eb-a74e-1f4cf89fd948_story.html

15 years ago we moved from Bay Area to DC to try living somewhere new for once, and because it best fit DW career at time (mine would have been better in Bay Area, but it was her turn for us to support her career).

Now we have a few kids, would love to move back to family like in this story, but there is no way we can get careers in Bay Area that support a basic level of living (SFH or TH, decent public schools, reasonable commute) there. In truth I’ve been trying to get a job there for 10 years, but I didn’t try to return to Bay Area tech until my 30s and my DC experience just is not valued there, so forget high paying job, I am not getting no job. DW similarly can’t translate her work there easily, and neither of us are WFH — not that we could afford to live in Bay Area on our DC salaries anyway. Cherry on top, DW now loathes the job we moved to DC for, but we can’t afford for her to SAH.

But we hear about all these people returning home, how do people from high cost places like BA deal with being priced out and unable to move back near family? Even many people who live there have a hard time making it work:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/08/business/economy/seeing-the-real-faces-of-silicon-valley.html

[Anonymous]

The Bay Area is somewhat unique because the old adage "drive until you qualify" doesn't really apply. The suburbs are also insanely expensive.

That said, people need to accept that there's such a thing as luxury areas, where "normal" people can't afford to live, at all. It's not just Manhattan or Beverly Hills. There are many parts of America that normal families just cannot reasonably expect to move to. As someone who grew up in a midsized PacNW city this has always been obvious to me, but for some reason, it's a really bitter pill for many other people in my age range (I'm mid 30s with kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Bay Area is somewhat unique because the old adage "drive until you qualify" doesn't really apply. The suburbs are also insanely expensive.

That said, people need to accept that there's such a thing as luxury areas, where "normal" people can't afford to live, at all. It's not just Manhattan or Beverly Hills. There are many parts of America that normal families just cannot reasonably expect to move to. As someone who grew up in a midsized PacNW city this has always been obvious to me, but for some reason, it's a really bitter pill for many other people in my age range (I'm mid 30s with kids).

Sure but you can have a nice life within 2 hrs of Manhattan in White Plains or Jersey for a reasonable amount, even LA had some modestly priced neighborhoods compared to BH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Bay Area is somewhat unique because the old adage "drive until you qualify" doesn't really apply. The suburbs are also insanely expensive.

That said, people need to accept that there's such a thing as luxury areas, where "normal" people can't afford to live, at all. It's not just Manhattan or Beverly Hills. There are many parts of America that normal families just cannot reasonably expect to move to. As someone who grew up in a midsized PacNW city this has always been obvious to me, but for some reason, it's a really bitter pill for many other people in my age range (I'm mid 30s with kids).

Sure but you can have a nice life within 2 hrs of Manhattan in White Plains or Jersey for a reasonable amount, even LA had some modestly priced neighborhoods compared to BH.

You can have a nice life 2 hours from the "Bay Area" too.

[Anonymous]

Can you live with the family you already have in the area? People in other countries live with extended families all the time. I don't get people don't do that here.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need a SFH or TH? Why not a condo? Something has yo compromised, and space is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a SFH or TH? Why not a condo? Something has yo compromised, and space is easy.

+1. There are options. And it's certainly silly to complain that you can't have the same QOL for the same price in two different urban areas. That's just how life works.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't actually think that many people are moving back. I'm not. My friends are not.

I was born on the Peninsula, where my parents and extended family still live. All but one of my childhood friends have moved away; the remaining one lived with her spouse and 2 kids in her mom's basement until a couple years ago (we are both 40). None of my cousins still live there. My parents' friends are starting to move away to live near their adult kids and their grandkids in places like OR, CO, PA, and NY. I've given up trying to persuade my parents to move east but they are starting to be in the minority among their friends.

A few years ago DH and I looked hard at moving back to CA. I really, really wanted to make it work. We looked at living with my parents, living in a condo, living hours away, etc. We both would have had to change careers, we would have had to put kids in private school, we likely would not have had a yard ... it just didn't make sense and the quality of life would have been so drastically worse than what we have now. My parents have what, 10 to 15 years left in life, if we're lucky? And then when they pass, we will be stuck in an expensive uncomfortable housing situation (assuming fire didn't take everything) and subpar career situation, with no savings.

Also, if you have not been back to visit much, consider that the Bay Area you remember doesn't really exist anymore. The people, culture, traffic, demographics, etc. are very different. The BA of my childhood definitely is gone. Places change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a SFH or TH? Why not a condo? Something has yo compromised, and space is easy.

We lived in a condo till kids were 7, we know the compromise of that. Financially it’s a terrible decision b/C fees grow out of control. Hence why we want to protect our long term with a few simple property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Bay Area is somewhat unique because the old adage "drive until you qualify" doesn't really apply. The suburbs are also insanely expensive.

That said, people need to accept that there's such a thing as luxury areas, where "normal" people can't afford to live, at all. It's not just Manhattan or Beverly Hills. There are many parts of America that normal families just cannot reasonably expect to move to. As someone who grew up in a midsized PacNW city this has always been obvious to me, but for some reason, it's a really bitter pill for many other people in my age range (I'm mid 30s with kids).

Sure but you can have a nice life within 2 hrs of Manhattan in White Plains or Jersey for a reasonable amount, even LA had some modestly priced neighborhoods compared to BH.

You can have a nice life 2 hours from the "Bay Area" too.

So where are places with good jobs, affordable housing and good schools 2 hours from BA?? Maybe Sacramento?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Bay Area is somewhat unique because the old adage "drive until you qualify" doesn't really apply. The suburbs are also insanely expensive.

That said, people need to accept that there's such a thing as luxury areas, where "normal" people can't afford to live, at all. It's not just Manhattan or Beverly Hills. There are many parts of America that normal families just cannot reasonably expect to move to. As someone who grew up in a midsized PacNW city this has always been obvious to me, but for some reason, it's a really bitter pill for many other people in my age range (I'm mid 30s with kids).

Sure but you can have a nice life within 2 hrs of Manhattan in White Plains or Jersey for a reasonable amount, even LA had some modestly priced neighborhoods compared to BH.

You can have a nice life 2 hours from the "Bay Area" too.

So where are places with good jobs, affordable housing and good schools 2 hours from BA?? Maybe Sacramento?

Following, we are on the market in the Bay Area!

[Anonymous]

"back near family ... back near family" How do they handle it? They grow up. They accept that they can't have everything the way they want it.

[Anonymous]

I like the advice from the person who grew up in CA and she and everyone from childhood moved. Places really do change and the olace you remember no longer exists! Let live in your imagination and maybe look at other cities if the DMV is not working for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the advice from the person who grew up in CA and she and everyone from childhood moved. Places really do change and the olace you remember no longer exists! Let live in your imagination and maybe look at other cities if the DMV is not working for you.

Sure, I understand the Bay Area has changed, and other people's friends have all moved away, but my entire nuclear extended family has stayed somehow. The older parents help the younger kids I guess (my parents were the poor ones in their circle), or they married into rich families or tech breadwinners. I just want to be near them again, so my kids can know their family more than the short trips for holidays and vacation (and I swear burn ALL our vacation time visiting family, which is another frustration).

[Anonymous]

I understand the sadness OP. I grew up in Santa Barbara, made our careers out here in DC, and can’t afford to go back. We looked at trying to get jobs within an hour of my parents, and the salaries are maybe 2/3 of what we make here in DC while the housing price is double. We placate ourselves with trips to the West Coast once or twice a year.