Formerly great student slacking off spring semester junior year

[Anonymous]

My formerly straight A kid has struggled with motivation during the pandemic. She is in MCPS and has had a grand total of 4 in person days all year. She clearly needs in person. As time goes on, she's gotten worse and worse about meeting deadlines. To the point that I now am hearing from teachers warning that she has not turned in assignments that are multiple days late.

The irony is that she has oodles more hours to complete the work as her main extracurricular (sport) was cancelled entirely this year. She also has less than 50% class hours (thank you, MCPS). But she has tremendous difficulties getting out of bed in the morning, and spends endless hours on her phone & other devices.

I feel like she is shooting herself in the foot with this behavior in spring semester of junior year of all times! How do I motivate her?

[Anonymous]

Not sure it’s salvageable this semester but make a plan to tour some colleges soon or over the summer. I know thinking about those next steps can get then jazzed up about this home stretch. My DD was inspired to really Study more for her ACT after visiting her “dream school”. Low and behold she did and now she’ll be attending in the fall. Sometimes it’s not real until they are there on campus.

[Anonymous]

Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

[Anonymous]

Not sure it’s salvageable this semester but make a plan to tour some colleges soon or over the summer. I know thinking about those next steps can get then jazzed up about this home stretch. My DD was inspired to really Study more for her ACT after visiting her “dream school”. Low and behold she did and now she’ll be attending in the fall. Sometimes it’s not real until they are there on campus.

Thanks for this advice. I think you may be right, getting excited about a concrete future (versus feeling like preparing for college apps is just one more list of to-dos and deadlines).

[Anonymous]

Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

I don't think it's this exactly, more like she needs the in-person energy to be motivated. But she can sit for long stretches reading. She herself decided to start reading hard copy books again (instead of kindle) since she feels like screens are sucking all of her energy.

[Anonymous]

Threaten summer school maybe?

I would tell her that when she is applying for college next year, she is going to kick herself when she looks at her spring semester fall grades and know she could have done better.

Just try to encourage her to hang in there for another month and a half and keep her grades up.

Go into the school system everyday and make sure she is turning in her assignments. Don’t let in snowball to a situation where you are trusting she is turning them in and then it’s two weeks before the end of the semester and she is overwhelmed. That happened with one of my kids and he wound up with two Cs. (He is formally a straight A students in honors and AP classes.)

[Anonymous]

My son was exactly like this, but it hit earlier - over the winter quarter. It took me a while to realize that this was a manifestation of depression. This is a time in their lives they are supposed to be pulling away and becoming independent and they couldn't do it. Some kids reacted to this by acting out. Mine just shut down.

Academically, the only thing that worked was getting him out of his room and making him sit at the dining room table to work while I was right there doing work myself at the table. One night we stayed up together until 2 am. I went over his schedule every day, checked up on assignments and kept checking with him until they were done.

And honestly, it was horrible. He resented being treated like a kid and I resented having to do it. We argued a lot and I worried about it destroying our relationship. The alternative, however, was doing nothing and letting his grades tank and I wasn't willing to do that given the circumstances and the fact that eventually things would return to normal. My mindset was "just get him through this..."

Things did eventually get back to normal - he's in four days a week now because I advocated hard to get him back in. He is so much happier. He's meeting deadlines and I'm no longer having to monitor it all. His grades have recovered somewhat, but aren't where they would have been otherwise. Our relationship it much better. I took him out to dinner last week and we talked a little bit about the "dark days of winter" and then agreed to never speak of them again.

This year has greatly altered his college options, but we've been arranging in-person tours for the summer to places he can still likely get into. He's so excited about the prospect of leaving home that he has already started his personal statement for applications.

I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone, it's not just your kid and you can do whatever it is you think you need to to help her get through this.

[Anonymous]

I think this has been true for a lot of kids. I don't think we've realized yet how much they have all suffered during this, especially high schoolers. As far as college goes, I'm sure it will all work out and their mental health is more important than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this post. Although, I am trying to keep myself motivated to motivate him! I’m so tired and ready for school to end. Helps to know that we are not alone and others are experiencing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I think that the lockdowns have been a necessary evil, but I think the pandemic has obviously cost our kids’ $10 trillion to $20 trillion in earnings (3.5 million affected kids per grade, grades 11 through senior in college, with an average of $10,000 in reduced earnings per year) and it’s cost society about $100 trillion to $200 trillion in economic output. An average of at least about 10 percent of today’s GDP per year for 50 years.

But maybe a reduction in the size of the workforce will somehow offset a lot of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Yes. All of this was true. The high schoolers took the brunt of the school closures, academically and emotionally.

I'd get so frustrated when I'd read someone's DCUM post how their kids were "thriving" in DL and if other kids weren't it was because they weren't being parented right or lazy. Then I'd read on to find out those kids they were referring to were in 5th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I think that the lockdowns have been a necessary evil, but I think the pandemic has obviously cost our kids’ $10 trillion to $20 trillion in earnings (3.5 million affected kids per grade, grades 11 through senior in college, with an average of $10,000 in reduced earnings per year) and it’s cost society about $100 trillion to $200 trillion in economic output. An average of at least about 10 percent of today’s GDP per year for 50 years.

But maybe a reduction in the size of the workforce will somehow offset a lot of that.

The lockdowns aren’t worth it.