Formerly great student slacking off spring semester junior year

[Anonymous]

My junior is struggling but no teachers raised it with him or us. We found out much too late and his grades have tanked and his college options have drastically changed. It’s a mess of a year and it stinks to have it as a junior. We are focusing on the bigger picture of mental health and understanding that one year is not the end of the world even though it has changed his future.

[Anonymous]

My sophomore has slipped into anxiety and depression, tears every night over homework. It has been a hellish year. Praying things turn around next year so she can have a normal high school experiences. It is a bummer that colleges will hold all this against them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My junior is struggling but no teachers raised it with him or us. We found out much too late and his grades have tanked and his college options have drastically changed. It’s a mess of a year and it stinks to have it as a junior. We are focusing on the bigger picture of mental health and understanding that one year is not the end of the world even though it has changed his future.

This is a great attitude. It's been a hellish year, but it's just a year. Keep moving forward.

[Anonymous]

6 am she wakes up everyday. Make her, cold water if you have to. Get out of bed, shower , eat. School work. Sit with her make sure every assignment gets done on time and is done correctly. Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was exactly like this, but it hit earlier - over the winter quarter. It took me a while to realize that this was a manifestation of depression. This is a time in their lives they are supposed to be pulling away and becoming independent and they couldn't do it. Some kids reacted to this by acting out. Mine just shut down.

Academically, the only thing that worked was getting him out of his room and making him sit at the dining room table to work while I was right there doing work myself at the table. One night we stayed up together until 2 am. I went over his schedule every day, checked up on assignments and kept checking with him until they were done.

And honestly, it was horrible. He resented being treated like a kid and I resented having to do it. We argued a lot and I worried about it destroying our relationship. The alternative, however, was doing nothing and letting his grades tank and I wasn't willing to do that given the circumstances and the fact that eventually things would return to normal. My mindset was "just get him through this..."

Things did eventually get back to normal - he's in four days a week now because I advocated hard to get him back in. He is so much happier. He's meeting deadlines and I'm no longer having to monitor it all. His grades have recovered somewhat, but aren't where they would have been otherwise. Our relationship it much better. I took him out to dinner last week and we talked a little bit about the "dark days of winter" and then agreed to never speak of them again.

This year has greatly altered his college options, but we've been arranging in-person tours for the summer to places he can still likely get into. He's so excited about the prospect of leaving home that he has already started his personal statement for applications.

I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone, it's not just your kid and you can do whatever it is you think you need to to help her get through this.

I could have written this exact post -- except my junior son's crisis hit in the fall. NONE of his teachers in the fall trimester alerted me to the problem -- I just found out after we got his grades. I know this has been hard for teachers, but it has been harder for the kids. My son's college options are now narrowed because the school didn't react.

I did the same as you, PP. Sitting at the dining room table. Staying on top of his assignments. Giving a real piece of my mind to that teacher who waited until the end of the winter trimester to load all the grades in at once, with the late penalties. God it has been miserable.

Also spent major money for weekly therapist, psychiatrist, and some zoloft. But it all worked. He is feeling good again and thriving. I no longer have to ask whether the work was done. At least, I hope. I guess we'll see at the end of the term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was exactly like this, but it hit earlier - over the winter quarter. It took me a while to realize that this was a manifestation of depression. This is a time in their lives they are supposed to be pulling away and becoming independent and they couldn't do it. Some kids reacted to this by acting out. Mine just shut down.

Academically, the only thing that worked was getting him out of his room and making him sit at the dining room table to work while I was right there doing work myself at the table. One night we stayed up together until 2 am. I went over his schedule every day, checked up on assignments and kept checking with him until they were done.

And honestly, it was horrible. He resented being treated like a kid and I resented having to do it. We argued a lot and I worried about it destroying our relationship. The alternative, however, was doing nothing and letting his grades tank and I wasn't willing to do that given the circumstances and the fact that eventually things would return to normal. My mindset was "just get him through this..."

Things did eventually get back to normal - he's in four days a week now because I advocated hard to get him back in. He is so much happier. He's meeting deadlines and I'm no longer having to monitor it all. His grades have recovered somewhat, but aren't where they would have been otherwise. Our relationship it much better. I took him out to dinner last week and we talked a little bit about the "dark days of winter" and then agreed to never speak of them again.

This year has greatly altered his college options, but we've been arranging in-person tours for the summer to places he can still likely get into. He's so excited about the prospect of leaving home that he has already started his personal statement for applications.

I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone, it's not just your kid and you can do whatever it is you think you need to to help her get through this.

I could have written this exact post -- except my junior son's crisis hit in the fall. NONE of his teachers in the fall trimester alerted me to the problem -- I just found out after we got his grades. I know this has been hard for teachers, but it has been harder for the kids. My son's college options are now narrowed because the school didn't react.

I did the same as you, PP. Sitting at the dining room table. Staying on top of his assignments. Giving a real piece of my mind to that teacher who waited until the end of the winter trimester to load all the grades in at once, with the late penalties. God it has been miserable.

Also spent major money for weekly therapist, psychiatrist, and some zoloft. But it all worked. He is feeling good again and thriving. I no longer have to ask whether the work was done. At least, I hope. I guess we'll see at the end of the term.

Are you kidding me? Didn’t you learn your lesson? Why are you not checking to see if he’s done his work? Login and see. Don’t just wait till the end of the term to see what his grades are. Way to blame the teachers while you are taking zero responsibility to even check whether he is turning stuff in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My formerly straight A kid has struggled with motivation during the pandemic. She is in MCPS and has had a grand total of 4 in person days all year. She clearly needs in person. As time goes on, she's gotten worse and worse about meeting deadlines. To the point that I now am hearing from teachers warning that she has not turned in assignments that are multiple days late.

The irony is that she has oodles more hours to complete the work as her main extracurricular (sport) was cancelled entirely this year. She also has less than 50% class hours (thank you, MCPS). But she has tremendous difficulties getting out of bed in the morning, and spends endless hours on her phone & other devices.

I feel like she is shooting herself in the foot with this behavior in spring semester of junior year of all times! How do I motivate her?

This sounds like it could be depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Totally agree with your post, especially the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I think that the lockdowns have been a necessary evil, but I think the pandemic has obviously cost our kids’ $10 trillion to $20 trillion in earnings (3.5 million affected kids per grade, grades 11 through senior in college, with an average of $10,000 in reduced earnings per year) and it’s cost society about $100 trillion to $200 trillion in economic output. An average of at least about 10 percent of today’s GDP per year for 50 years.

But maybe a reduction in the size of the workforce will somehow offset a lot of that.

The lockdowns aren’t worth it.

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Totally agree with your post, especially the bolded.

They should, but they won’t. And on top of competing with the floods of students who delayed due to deferrals, gap years, and visa issues, they now have to compete with those who had uninterrupted in person learning and those who cheated their way to magical straight As in DL that no one will ever suspect because all schools are test optional. It’s the perfect storm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I think that the lockdowns have been a necessary evil, but I think the pandemic has obviously cost our kids’ $10 trillion to $20 trillion in earnings (3.5 million affected kids per grade, grades 11 through senior in college, with an average of $10,000 in reduced earnings per year) and it’s cost society about $100 trillion to $200 trillion in economic output. An average of at least about 10 percent of today’s GDP per year for 50 years.

But maybe a reduction in the size of the workforce will somehow offset a lot of that.

The lockdowns aren’t worth it.

Wrong.

Right. I agree with PP. The price we will pay for this over- the-top lockdown for years to come was not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Totally agree with your post, especially the bolded.

They should, but they won’t. And on top of competing with the floods of students who delayed due to deferrals, gap years, and visa issues, they now have to compete with those who had uninterrupted in person learning and those who cheated their way to magical straight As in DL that no one will ever suspect because all schools are test optional. It’s the perfect storm.

A goog time to remind ourselves that the college a kid attends does not dictate the trajectory of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Totally agree with your post, especially the bolded.

They should, but they won’t. And on top of competing with the floods of students who delayed due to deferrals, gap years, and visa issues, they now have to compete with those who had uninterrupted in person learning and those who cheated their way to magical straight As in DL that no one will ever suspect because all schools are test optional. It’s the perfect storm.

A goog time to remind ourselves that the college a kid attends does not dictate the trajectory of their lives.

Correct, but it’s hard to watch your kid losing options and losing hope. A kid that once thought they could choose VT, JMU, or CNU and even try for UVA or WM and now knows that they will have to choose from schools they’ve never heard of...no matter what you tell them, they feel like they’re just dumb, incapable, and lesser than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have attention issues? Mine does and we only realized it during the pandemic. She doesn’t have the ability to sit on a computer for hours with remote learning and then tackle homework on the computer for another 3-hour block.

That’s not an attention issue. That’s normal. Even grown adults aren’t expected to stare at a screen for 6-7 hours straight and then spend another 2-3 hours on the computer for homework every day. And then when you add in the pressure of junior year and take away everything else that makes it worth it like time with friends, school activities and events, sports, everything that makes them feel human...all they have is that damn screen. Do not fault your kid for the unreasonable expectations.

I have a junior as well so I can relate. And I completely agree with this.

The real issue, I think, is how we as parents, schools and a society have allowed it to come to this for our kids. We are all smiling merrily along, talking about vaccines and "life slowly reopening," and meanwhile, every single freaking day, these kids are missing part of their high school life. These are critical years of development that can never be replaced. We've pretended that their education hasn't suffered - ha. What a joke. More important, they have suffered as young teens who were robbed of one of the last important years under parental and school supervision, but with the expectation that they could experience more independence and self-discovery. That is completely gone.

It's a travesty. Our kids will pay the price for this for some time to come.

I’m the pp. To clarify, we are not all smiling merrily along. The attention issues were layered on top of depression which landed her in the hospital this fall. The year has been catastrophic for us and I certainly don’t expect anyone to be able to sit on the computer and excel for that long. But here’s the really depressing part—she had great grades and scores until she hit a wall. And half the colleges she applied to still wanted those 2Q grades and all the schools that saw them rejected her. There’s really no humanity left in this process and it’s an absolute nightmare. The seniors and juniors that have endured it should have an easier time getting into college not a harder time.

Totally agree with your post, especially the bolded.

They should, but they won’t. And on top of competing with the floods of students who delayed due to deferrals, gap years, and visa issues, they now have to compete with those who had uninterrupted in person learning and those who cheated their way to magical straight As in DL that no one will ever suspect because all schools are test optional. It’s the perfect storm.

A goog time to remind ourselves that the college a kid attends does not dictate the trajectory of their lives.

Correct, but it’s hard to watch your kid losing options and losing hope. A kid that once thought they could choose VT, JMU, or CNU and even try for UVA or WM and now knows that they will have to choose from schools they’ve never heard of...no matter what you tell them, they feel like they’re just dumb, incapable, and lesser than.

My kid is in the exact same position. We've raised the idea of two years of CC, then transferring if he doesn't get into anywhere he's excited about.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for all these children but selfishly feel a little better that my kid isn’t the only one in this situation.