When To Start Trying For Second Baby?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have an almost 1 year old. We wanted a second child and discussed before about staring at 1 year for a second. Now that it’s almost here, I don’t feel ready. I had difficulty with breastfeeding and the sleep deprivation from the newborn stage was really hard. We did sleep train at 4 months and baby has been a good sleeper since then. My husband thinks we should start trying now and have them close in age. I want to wait another year and then start trying. I don’t know how to compromise on when to start trying.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

OP here. I’m about to turn 37.

[Anonymous]

My kids are exactly two years apart and the first two years were SO HARD. I barely remember my second child as a baby. I was still nursing my older child twice a day when I got pregnant with my second so my body never got a break.

Now the kids, boy and girl, are 4 and 6 and they’re best friends. Then run off and play together for hours. They go to the same school and know each other’s friends and both get invited to the same parties. It’s been pretty great since they were 2 and 4. Pre-covid, when we used to travel, they’re close enough in age to enjoy the same things.

If you can handle the first year or two - it’s great having them close in age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

OP here. I’m about to turn 37.

Okay. That’s important to know. You really don’t have much time to wait. About waiting until December. I’m guessing your baby will then be about 18 months old. Six months is a compromise between now and waiting a year.

[Anonymous]

At 37, I would start now.

[Anonymous]

I understand you are late 30s, but if you don’t feel ready, don’t start now. The two under two crowd always seem to hate their lives, so I wouldn’t take that on while not feeling ready.

[Anonymous]

Why is your husband pushing for another so soon? Why does he want to start now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband pushing for another so soon? Why does he want to start now?

OP here. He thinks it’s the perfect time. He knows it will hard but thinks having two close in age will be better. He talks about how we can get out of the bottle and diaper stage quicker. I work PT and he thinks having another baby while I’m still working PT will be the better option. He will have 8 weeks paternity leave and says we can hire childcare for help once he goes back to work. He thinks it’s a good time and we should start now.

[Anonymous]

Wait three months and start then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband pushing for another so soon? Why does he want to start now?

OP here. He thinks it’s the perfect time. He knows it will hard but thinks having two close in age will be better. He talks about how we can get out of the bottle and diaper stage quicker. I work PT and he thinks having another baby while I’m still working PT will be the better option. He will have 8 weeks paternity leave and says we can hire childcare for help once he goes back to work. He thinks it’s a good time and we should start now.

All he’s thinking about is when the baby comes. He has no idea what it’s like to be pregnant with a toddler or what it does to your body. You get to decide when to start trying. That said, I wouldn’t wait beyond the end of this year.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your husband IN THE ABSTRACT and mine are 22 months apart so I've walked the walk. I found two to be way less work than 200% the work of one. But it's so subjective and if YOU don't feel ready then it's not the right time. I would reassess in a couple of months. But don't wait too long because you don't know how long it will take this time to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I’d wait until you first is at least 18 months to start trying. Too close together is tough and not that enjoyable. My first two are 20 months apart. I feel like their younger years are a blur. I waited almost 3 years before getting pregnant with my 3rd, and the baby/toddler years were much more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your husband. I had three under three and we both worked full time. It actually makes sense for a lot of reason to have the kids close together when you are in your late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

OP here. I’m about to turn 37.

Okay. That’s important to know. You really don’t have much time to wait. About waiting until December. I’m guessing your baby will then be about 18 months old. Six months is a compromise between now and waiting a year.

+1. This is exactly what we did, though I was 36, and then we ran into secondary infertility issues and while we managed to have a second, the kids are nearly 3.5 years apart instead of the 2 years I'd envisioned (which is the age gap between me and my sibling, which I always thought was perfect). It's been totally fine though. The kids are best friends.

Don't forget that even if you should conceive immediately -- which is not guaranteed -- it takes 9-10 months before baby is here! A 2 year old is so, so different from a one year old. You probably can't even envision it. I know when my first was 12 months I seriously considered stopping at one. By 18 months I felt very differently. By 2 I was definitely ready for a second even though it didn't happen for a while.

At your age, if you know you want a second, don't wait too long. Or, at least, ask yourself which you'd regret more -- having two a bit closer than you'd wanted, or not having a second at all; and then pick your poison.