Introverts in the "socially skewed" college admissions process

[Anonymous]

All the top colleges discuss showing who you would be as a roommate or as a member of the community by showing how you are involved in activities.... but these qualities seem less obvious for introverted kids (maybe they don't get into hyper competitive colleges like Harvard unless they are spending their time alone inventing something!?)

Does anyone have experience with prepping for college admissions for a very competitive student for academics but who is introvert and not very outgoing and resistant to joining clubs? I have a freshman who fits this description. They do participate in an individual-based school sport 2/3 seasons per year and on an outside of school team sport (during non-covid) and also is part of the school music ensemble. (But for sports and music - while easily would make any "cut" - is not a superstar by any sense.) For grades - think all A/A- in highly competitive private and standardized test scores that have potential to be close to (if not) perfect. Student is not much of an inventor or STEM type - but is genuinely interested in all subjects and loves learning.

Trying to guide my DC to round out the other parts of the "picture" that schools look for and would love others' experiences. Not looking to "craft" something but to find natural interests that would fit the bill - so would love to hear how others with introverts found ways to show these other non-academic qualities in a way that successful at very competitive schools.

[Anonymous]

I would just say that time your child spends doing activities they are not interested in is time NOT spent discovering what they want to do.

Your child gets good grades and does extracurriculars. Unless the introversion or risk aversion/anxiety is severe and needs to be addressed directly I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

Your premise is faulty. Lots of activities done mostly by introverts are valued highly (ie, winning science competitions, playing in selective orchestras, winning awards).

Sports and music are fine as ECs. Your kid will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I think the larger point is that it's very difficult to get into Harvard (since you mention it in your first para), whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. There is really no school club you can join that would make it more likely.

It's very unlikely EVEN for truly outstanding kids like your child with perfect scores and excellent grades at a top school. I think recognizing that early is helpful in framing your expectations.

[Anonymous]

My senior DS is very quiet and somewhat socially awkward, but he has really blossomed a bit since junior year. Your kid still has time.

His wake up call was not getting accepted into NHS fall of Junior year, even with a 4.5 GPA. They dinged him because he had no leadership and no service. Well he went right out and contacted some agencies about volunteer work, all of which has been solo, and he set a goal to become captain of his sports team so he contacted team members outside the season to set up times to play and practice, getting his name out as someone who really cared and wanted to improve.

Fast forward to today, he was ultimately accepted into NHS and the college of his dreams and actually has alot on his activities section of his common app, that would probably not have been there if not for the NHS wake up call. And he is captain of his team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My senior DS is very quiet and somewhat socially awkward, but he has really blossomed a bit since junior year. Your kid still has time.

His wake up call was not getting accepted into NHS fall of Junior year, even with a 4.5 GPA. They dinged him because he had no leadership and no service. Well he went right out and contacted some agencies about volunteer work, all of which has been solo, and he set a goal to become captain of his sports team so he contacted team members outside the season to set up times to play and practice, getting his name out as someone who really cared and wanted to improve.

Fast forward to today, he was ultimately accepted into NHS and the college of his dreams and actually has alot on his activities section of his common app, that would probably not have been there if not for the NHS wake up call. And he is captain of his team

This is a nice story! Now I just need something to "ding" DC to get them to start initiating!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your premise is faulty. Lots of activities done mostly by introverts are valued highly (ie, winning science competitions, playing in selective orchestras, winning awards).

Sports and music are fine as ECs. Your kid will be fine.

Except my introvert isn't winning those sorts of accolades.

[Anonymous]

OP I think what your DC is doing sounds pretty good.
I have a highly introverted sibling who went to an Ivy and they spent much of their time with their head in a book. But also during the summers, rowing. That was it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your premise is faulty. Lots of activities done mostly by introverts are valued highly (ie, winning science competitions, playing in selective orchestras, winning awards).

Sports and music are fine as ECs. Your kid will be fine.

Except my introvert isn't winning those sorts of accolades.

Right, but what I mean is, they are rare, whatver your personality. Introversion isn't the issue, so why focus on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the larger point is that it's very difficult to get into Harvard (since you mention it in your first para), whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. There is really no school club you can join that would make it more likely.

It's very unlikely EVEN for truly outstanding kids like your child with perfect scores and excellent grades at a top school. I think recognizing that early is helpful in framing your expectations.

Oh yes - I totally realize this. There are no expectations for Harvard. Granted, a great school like Harvard would probably be on DC's list to "try for" (or if not Harvard, some other equally insanely competitive school) - it is not like this will ever be the goal. In the end, we would want them to create a broad list of schools that they would be happy to attend.

It's just that using somewhere like Harvard is the perfect example for what I am trying to get at - kids with great grades and test scores are a dime a dozen in their admissions piles - so they are looking for more and it always seems these qualities point to extroverts or to people who go out and win prizes or create/invent things or ideas people. I feel like there have to be introverts like my child out there and that there are natural ways to be yourself as an introvert but show who you are in these other aspects of what schools are looking for. So having anecdotes from other parents of highly academic introverts (with not prizes or even regional-level talent) that were successful at uber-competitive admissions (like Harvard) is helpful .

Honestly, don't even know if DC would want to apply to Harvard - but if they chose - Yale or Princeton or Stanford or whatever as their top reach... the same issues would apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the larger point is that it's very difficult to get into Harvard (since you mention it in your first para), whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. There is really no school club you can join that would make it more likely.

It's very unlikely EVEN for truly outstanding kids like your child with perfect scores and excellent grades at a top school. I think recognizing that early is helpful in framing your expectations.

Oh yes - I totally realize this. There are no expectations for Harvard. Granted, a great school like Harvard would probably be on DC's list to "try for" (or if not Harvard, some other equally insanely competitive school) - it is not like this will ever be the goal. In the end, we would want them to create a broad list of schools that they would be happy to attend.

It's just that using somewhere like Harvard is the perfect example for what I am trying to get at - kids with great grades and test scores are a dime a dozen in their admissions piles - so they are looking for more and it always seems these qualities point to extroverts or to people who go out and win prizes or create/invent things or ideas people. I feel like there have to be introverts like my child out there and that there are natural ways to be yourself as an introvert but show who you are in these other aspects of what schools are looking for. So having anecdotes from other parents of highly academic introverts (with not prizes or even regional-level talent) that were successful at uber-competitive admissions (like Harvard) is helpful .

Honestly, don't even know if DC would want to apply to Harvard - but if they chose - Yale or Princeton or Stanford or whatever as their top reach... the same issues would apply.

But you can be an extreme introvert who invents things and wins prizes! Almost all the kids at my kid's school who win science prizes are very quiet and introvertted. This is what I can't quite understand about your post. Perhaps what you really mean is intellectual? Your child is highly intellectual and his/her primary interests are academics, and you are wondering if that itself is valued by colleges? Yes, it is. Will it set your child apart in highly selective admissions? It just depends. Colleges want some super-intellectuals, but they also want rowers, and tennis players, and bassoonists....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your premise is faulty. Lots of activities done mostly by introverts are valued highly (ie, winning science competitions, playing in selective orchestras, winning awards).

Sports and music are fine as ECs. Your kid will be fine.

Except my introvert isn't winning those sorts of accolades.

Right, but what I mean is, they are rare, whatever your personality. Introversion isn't the issue, so why focus on it?

Oh - because it seems pretty clear that the this introvert trait is what's getting in the way of participating in other school activities or trying to "lead" in something. I totally accept the introvert side of DC - but it makes it a bit harder to figure out how these kids show these other sides of themselves in hyper-competitive environment. I feel like being an introvert and successful in class/tests is common enough that there are others that can share their stories.

[Anonymous]

Here's a more cheering anecdote (I posted above). A kid I know applied to HYP with stats that weree good but not amazing. However, he an intense long-standing academic interest in ancient Japanese culture and language, and he planned to major in Japanese studies. He got in, I assume because colleges need Asian language and culture majors and there aren't that many applicants. So that's a way a niche academic interest (and matching ECs) set someone apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the larger point is that it's very difficult to get into Harvard (since you mention it in your first para), whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. There is really no school club you can join that would make it more likely.

It's very unlikely EVEN for truly outstanding kids like your child with perfect scores and excellent grades at a top school. I think recognizing that early is helpful in framing your expectations.

Oh yes - I totally realize this. There are no expectations for Harvard. Granted, a great school like Harvard would probably be on DC's list to "try for" (or if not Harvard, some other equally insanely competitive school) - it is not like this will ever be the goal. In the end, we would want them to create a broad list of schools that they would be happy to attend.

It's just that using somewhere like Harvard is the perfect example for what I am trying to get at - kids with great grades and test scores are a dime a dozen in their admissions piles - so they are looking for more and it always seems these qualities point to extroverts or to people who go out and win prizes or create/invent things or ideas people. I feel like there have to be introverts like my child out there and that there are natural ways to be yourself as an introvert but show who you are in these other aspects of what schools are looking for. So having anecdotes from other parents of highly academic introverts (with not prizes or even regional-level talent) that were successful at uber-competitive admissions (like Harvard) is helpful .

Honestly, don't even know if DC would want to apply to Harvard - but if they chose - Yale or Princeton or Stanford or whatever as their top reach... the same issues would apply.

But you can be an extreme introvert who invents things and wins prizes! Almost all the kids at my kid's school who win science prizes are very quiet and introvertted. This is what I can't quite understand about your post. Perhaps what you really mean is intellectual? Your child is highly intellectual and his/her primary interests are academics, and you are wondering if that itself is valued by colleges? Yes, it is. Will it set your child apart in highly selective admissions? It just depends. Colleges want some super-intellectuals, but they also want rowers, and tennis players, and bassoonists....

Sure, child is super intellectual but is NOT the type who would want to participate in competition - just not their thing. Also wouldn't invent something. But has very high level understanding of almost all subjects - for example in both math and in history. Connections they can make are not typical....but they don't go out and sign up for math meets. My other child is maybe a tad less academic but far more outgoing and a total "ideas" person. This DC is more deeply understanding and can really synthesize and analyze information sent their way. So when I see colleges talk about the whole picture - the other DC fits the bill perfectly for that - while this one fits the bill for academics.

To be clear - both DCs will succeed and be happy where ever they land -I'm really just looking for some stories to help frame other's experiences. The examples (and student representatives) given are always extroverts...so it'd be nice to see/hear about others. Introverts that aren't inventors or prize winners and aren't likely to join competitions.

[Anonymous]

He could pick one of his ECs like music and take it in new directions. Form an ensemble with friends - playing publicly or just for themselves, give music lessons to kids or older adults, experiment with different genres of music including those not commonly played with his instrument, try composing, write a music blog etc...