Expecting twins: freaking out, need advice

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that I'm expecting twins. I've read several articles online about the higher risks of cerebral palsy, mental retardation, handicaps, etc. This is what scares me the most.

I'm wondering what the real stats are, and how great the risks are. Most twins I see are healthy, so are the risks overblown? Or are these valid concerns, and can I do anything about it?

Is fetal reduction an option, and one that anyone has considered?

Thanks for any advice.

[Anonymous]

Would fetal reduction actually reduce the risks you are concerned about?

[Anonymous]

I don't have specific twin advice for you, so I'll leave that to others, but as the mom of a baby that had some medical complications (is fine now), my suggestion would be to get off of the internet and get back in front of your doctor or a high-risk specialist. I deal better in facts and although you can find those online, they are often lacking context and you can make yourself crazy. Stress isn't any good for you or for your babies.

Risks and statistics are out there, and sometimes you're the statistic and sometimes you're not. We were the statistic (a really rare one) with our DD, but it all turned out fine in the end anyway. Please try to enjoy your pregnancy -- congrats by the way! -- and get your questions answered by your medical team. Only you and your partner, in tandem with that team, can make decisions that will be right for your family. Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

First, step away from the computer! Googling risk factors will be the quickest way to drive yourself crazy. Yes, there are risks to having twins, but no pregnancy is a guarantee of a healthy child.

Please do not stress yourself about things that are out of your control. Yes, twin pregnancies have higher risk of complications and premature delivery, but if you follow your doctor's advice and take care of yourself, eat healthy and recognize that you will not be able to do everything you do now once you really start to get bigger, you might actually surprise yourself and deliver 39 weekers!

I highly recommend Dr. Luke's book When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets and Quads." She gives great advice on diet and how to take care of yourself during your pregnancy.

You should speak to your doctor, but not many docs are willing to reduce from two to one.

Twins are a great joy! Is the pregnancy tough? For some. Are the early months with twins overwhelming and difficult? Yes. BUT, it is a wonderful joy and really great to be a parent to multiples.

[Anonymous]

OP, If I were you I would be jumping up and down.
Why don't you focus on reading about happy stories about healthy twins?
I can't believe you're thinking about killing one of them!!!! You don't even know if they're unhealthy!!!!
Fix your energy in relaxing, exercising and doing things that bring you happiness and pleasure. The hormones and neurotransmitters you release doing this things will definitely help on their healthy development.
Being worried about it will only make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Fetal reduction?? Maybe you should spend a little time on the TTC boards to help you get your mind around this.

You have been BLESSED!

I have no idea what stats you are reading, but stop. Talk with your doctor and get some valid information.

I'm almost 27 weeks with twins, and your comment about fetal reduction has turned my stomach.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I knew I'd get some slack for my comment about fetal reduction. It's not a serious consideration, but I was wondering if anyone thinks about this (I'm sure I'm not the only one).

I really appreciate your supportive posts. Honestly, this was exactly what I needed to hear. I had read an article in the New York Times about twins that quoted a doctor as saying "twins are not a good outcome," and the article was entirely focused about risks. So I imagine my husband and I having to deal with two babies with major problems and it seems overwhelming, too much to bear. But I know there's only so much you can control in life.

Thanks again....

[Anonymous]

OP I don't know if you believe in God or not but He will never give you more than you can handle.
Nature says that the "ideal" healthy number of offspring a female can help is the same number of nipples she has so the human race is fit to carry 2 at once with no sweat.
There are even cases of triplets who are EBF.
Just focus on what you can do to make it better.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if I read that article in the Times, but I have read a lot about doctors saying that "twins are not a good outcome" and it is usually in regards to fertility treatments. I think doctors that do IVF are trying to be more outspoken about the risks of twins (and higher order multiples) with IVF because so many women want twins when they do IVF so they push the docs to tranfer more embryos than the docs want. Since these women have some control over their chances of having twins, docs want to make sure they understand the risks. BUT, it sounds like that's not the situation you were in.

I second the other PPs, get yourself to a good specialist and step away from google (easier said than done I know).

Also, the Washington Post magazine had a very good article about selective reduction a while ago that you can find on google. It makes it seem like a pretty tough processs.

[Anonymous]

Ugh--that NY Times article was poison. I read it (I am now 34 weeks with twins) and freaked out and called my girlfriend who had just had twins, freaked out some more, etc. It should have come with a warning label. Like the other PPs said....back away from the computer.
My twin pregnancy has been incredibly normal. I have had every test under the sun and the babies look great. There is no reason for me to believe at this point that I won't go to 37+ weeks and have perfectly healthy children. Yeah, it kinda sucks at the end carrying two babies but there are also a *ton* of upsides to twins. I was completely overwhelmed at first but now I'm excited. And I've met so many other people with twins that I know it can be manageable.
I also agree with the PPs on some of their advice--get Dr. Luke's book. Also get yourself a high risk multiple specialist. Some people say your regular OB is ok and that might be ok for you too but I found that a high risk Dr. worked better for me because he's been hyper vigilant about monitoring my pregnancy and it's reassuring. I would also add that you should join a multiples group for support. TwinStuff.com is a good one as are the Parents of Multiples groups in NoVA or Montgomery County.
I think as you go on, you will find that having twins is not as dire as you imagine. And I also think that if you seriously consider or go through with selective reduction, you will really regret it.

[Anonymous]

I know so many friends with healthy and happy twins!! Sure it's just anecdotal, but it's a nice counterpoint to articles like the one in the NY Times. Perhaps if you post on the General Parenting board asking for examples of healthy twins (and healthy pregnancies leading up to the birth of twins), you will get some of what you need to balance your fears and concerns. Of course an excellent doctor will help with that, too!

As for selective reduction, I don't think you're alone or insane for thinking about it. And it doesn't "turn my stomach" because I know that thinking about it is not the same as seriously considering it or taking that step. I just see it as your way of processing/adjusting to the unexpected. I'm sure my mind would drift there, too, as I got my head around a whole new situation. But in the end, I can't imagine I would take that step. We have an amazing capacity to adjust and thrive as parents. I wish you and your DH all the best! I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and delivery. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

New mom with 1 month old identical twins here. I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy and delivered these two babes vaginally. No complications. All is well and I am love being a mom to these two little ones.
I agree with most posts. Get off the internet - sure the risks are higher but it is still rare to have a major complication. Join a multiples group - Mont County, NoVa, DC Yahoo group - read good books (Luke isn't bad) and enjoy your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

I've taken care of 6 sets of twins, and not one of them had any issues beyond some reflux and a possible allergy. Including twins that were born 10 weeks premature in 98! There've been leaps and bounds in the medical field since 98...

You're worrying WAY more than you should be or need to be. Twins are such a common outcome, and while there are certainly risks.... we're not talking about high order multiples here.

You'll enjoy your pregnancy much more if you relax..

I'll try to ignore the vile comment of fetal reduction for TWINS. Seriously? Wow. I find it hard to believe most doctors would even do the procedure for twins without there being special circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP! ITA w/ getting the Barbara Lukes book and DO NOT get the Noble book.

My twins were very early and had some issues but have since hit all milestones and are thriving in elem. school. This area's hospitals are filled with great doctors who know what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

OP here. You guys have no idea how much better you made me feel. Thank you.