Expecting twins: freaking out, need advice

[Anonymous]

OP, since you're getting so much flak for others I just wanted to write and offer support. I totally understand where you are coming from. I do think the NY Times article makes really good points, it's important to think about these things before fertility treatments, and let's face it: yes, there are real risks. BUT, you are now indeed pregnant with twins and it's time to think of the positive and just do your best with what you have. I completely agree with PPs that you need to stop looking online. It doesn't do any good. Get good medical advice. Personally with twins I would get at least a consult with maternal fetal ("high risk") doctors and ask your questions. Ask your OB about the reduction. Get your questions answered. I know you're not the only one who's thought about it, so ignore the mean PPs who had nothing helpful to say on that point. You've got to do what's best for you. I have "heard," though that it's hard to find a dr who will reduce unless it's 3 or more.

I did IVF and was really concerned about multiples, even twins. Because I was so concerned about the risks even with twins, I did not consider twins the ideal outcome. But I also realized that I was embarking on a process that I chose and that I couldn't completely control. One round was not successful. Second round and I was pregnant with twins. One miscarried around 8 weeks and I had a singleton, a healthy baby (though after a high risk pregnancy that I tried not to stress over but in hindsight I did way too much stressing and way too much online "research"!). This is "vanishing twin" and very common. Personally I was relieved it ended up being one and and was terrified of having twins. Not just the overwhelming part of the idea of two infants, but all the risks. It really annoys me when I hear how flippant people are about how "common" twins are now, most are ok, etc. There ARE real risks, to both babies and to Mom.

So you know that, OP. Your doctors know that. I think it's normal to feel the way you do and my advice is now to make a conscious decision to let go of the worry as much as you can. Get the best care possible--we live in the DC area, there are phenomenal doctors with a lot of experience with twins and more. Get in with them. Take good care of yourself, find a doctor's group you trust and listen to them. And enjoy and come to accept this as a blessing if you can. Focus on the positive! I know right now is a hard time and you need to come to terms with this news and accept it before you can move on to the next step. Don't beat yourself up for this process and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for feeling the way you do. All the best to you!

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP, you summed up exactly how I feel. Am trying to take the advice to relax about things.

[Anonymous]

I have several friends who have twins, and the twins have been healthy and the families seem happy. Yes, it's a more complicated pregnancy, though you don't gain twice as much weight, you just gain more than you would for one. Yes, it's more work afterward, but supposedly it's not 100% harder than one, maybe 60-80%. On the bright side, if you'd planned to have two kids, now you get two at once and you don't have to do it again if you don't want to. And if they're the same sex, they'll be able to share clothes and toys and a room and all that stuff.

I'm a single mom of 1 and was petrified about the possibility of having twins, because I wouldn't have been able to manage two on my own. But I wouldn't have selectively reduced for two. I think reduction is something you consider for triplets or above, but twins have a high survival rate. Part of the hoopla around multiples is that a lot of people are having them due to infertility drugs, IVF, advanced maternal age, etc. and you have to separate those issues out.

Congratulations and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Our b/g twins are 2 next week. My pregnancy was tough physically but no problem medically (much tougher than a singleton of which I have two). I went to 38 weeks and both of my children were over 6 lbs. Since having them, I have joined a mothers of multiples group here in Mo Co and they are AMAZING. The majority of twin pregnancies have no issues and babies go to term. Try to focus on the positives. I won't lie, there were times in the early days that I saw twins as a curse and not a blessing but I now feel eternally grateful that this was given to me. They are hands down amazing to watch together. My dh and I had no help and no family in the area so we had it tough but we would not swap it for the world now that the early days are passed. Along with my fellow mothers of multiples, I feel truly blessed. Best of luck - I promise you will warm up to the idea!