time stopped at date of trauma - suggestions

[Anonymous]

My found out my spouse cheated in the fall of 2019. I realized recently that I was referring to "last fall" but it was actually the fall before last... I suddenly realized that in my mind time hasn't really passed from the point of finding out about the cheating. I knew I was upset about it and I know that I'm not over it yet but I think it might be more of a big deal to me than I realized.

Does anyone have suggestions on what I can do about this?

[Anonymous]

Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it was awful ... but are you sure Covid didn't play a role in the time stopping? For many of us, 2020 was a lost year. I often refer to "last [holiday/season]" when I mean the one in 2019.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

The majority of marriages are heterosexual. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

The majority of marriages are heterosexual. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

Still missing the point.

[Anonymous]

OP- I found out my spouse had an affair at the start of Covid. I get what you are saying. This is compounded also because of Covid. It’s been incredibly traumatic. Worse, I look back at the time the affair was happening and have erased those years. Years spouse was living a lie. Therapy doesn’t really help. Even the therapist has said it’s something you just have to go through, not get over.

[Anonymous]

OP- was it an affair or a one-night stand? Obviously, length of time of cheating and type makes all the difference in timeline of recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

The majority of marriages are heterosexual. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

So you are also assuming OP is a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

The majority of marriages are heterosexual. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

Still missing the point.

The majority of people who participate in therapy are women. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

[Anonymous]

If you need help getting over it, then therapy.

Perhaps you are reading too much into your last fall references if that’s the only thing making you feel you aren’t over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy? You have to grieve for what was, and work on accepting your new understanding of your spouse and your relationship. I assume he’s asked for forgiveness?

You ask assumed spouse is a “he,” something OP was very careful to avoid specifying.

The majority of marriages are heterosexual. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

Still missing the point.

The majority of people who participate in therapy are women. It was not an unreasonable assumption.

OP said nothing about therapy in the original post.

[Anonymous]

^or any post thereafter. That was suggestion by others.

Anyways. Quit taking away from the point of the thread with your petty BS.

[Anonymous]

OP- it takes 2-5 years to get over/heal from an affair. You aren’t there yet.? And by healing, it doesn’t mean that you will forget it or there won’t be painful triggers even many years later. It will stop being as obsessive, every day thoughts and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it was awful ... but are you sure Covid didn't play a role in the time stopping? For many of us, 2020 was a lost year. I often refer to "last [holiday/season]" when I mean the one in 2019.

same here , I keep referring to a trip we took in November 2019 as " last November "