Husband gets massively annoyed that the house has to be maintained

[Anonymous]

14 years of home ownership (2 homes) and husband STILL gets angry/annoyed every time we have to discuss normal maintenance or wear/tear items. And forget cosmetic improvements - total non-starter with him.

We have the money he is just so damn cheap. I’m just so tired of being the “bad guy” and having to endure an argument because boards on our deck are rotting and I’d like them replaced.

Rant over.

[Anonymous]

So hire the work out and don't discuss it with him first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So hire the work out and don't discuss it with him first.

He would flip.

[Anonymous]

I share a house with family like this. They own, I rent. Every time something needs to be fixed - almost always because they do zero maintenance - they grumble about the people who built the house being monkeys and the house is a circus. They’re about to spend their thousands from pandemic relief on a major roof repair that wouldn’t have been needed if they annually cleaned out the gutters. They take the same attitude toward their cars - when they need new tires or brakes of exhaust, etc., the car is junk. They don’t even change the oil regularly, which is how you best maintain the life of the most expensive part of the car! They cannot seem to grasp that cars and houses required regular maintenance to address the wear and tear of use. I love them but I can’t quite understand this idiocy, especially since he was in the military and would’ve been schooled in the concept of regular maintenance of equipment.

Deferred maintenance always results in bigger and more expensive required repairs. It’s just stupid.

[Anonymous]

A year a separate account for house maintenance? Honestly, I would tell him to grow up. My DH doesn’t notice a lot of maintenance issues, it he doesn’t get angry.

[Anonymous]

He is tired of the never ending house improvement plan,
stop watching hgtv .

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. It's really irritating. And even worse, it's lead to worsening problems that will be even more expensive to fix, because I just haven't had the mental strength to fight it out with him. Ultimately it's a lack of respect, that for me is not limited to just this issue. For whatever reason, he decides to oppose most things that I bring up. yes, we are divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So hire the work out and don't discuss it with him first.

He would flip.

Oh well. I mean, you shouldn't have to be all tense and anxious because of something that is very clearly HIS problem. And I'd tell him that. Normal house maintenance costs are 1% of value per year. Either he agrees that you spend that without talking to him about it, or he learns to control his irrational emotions when you do discuss it.

[Anonymous]

So he's cheap, controlling and lazy since he doesn't want to pay, have you handle it on your own, or do it himself. I mean, you married him. What are we supposed to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's cheap, controlling and lazy since he doesn't want to pay, have you handle it on your own, or do it himself. I mean, you married him. What are we supposed to do?

It was a rant, as stated. Not asking you to "do" anything.

And to the PP with the snide HGTV comment, you couldn't be more off base. We don't even have cable. We are talking about exterior painting and wood maintenance (the boring kind where you repaint the same color), getting carpets cleaned, repairing appliances, etc. Most normal people accept this as a part of home ownership and while no its not fun they don't get mad about it. I swear he is getting worse as he ages, makes more money, and has a bigger savings balance. Its so irrational.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. Mine is the same. And we have an old house, so there is always something that needs fixing or replacing. He would rather to DIY (but knows nothing about repairs) but then it ends up either being done incorrectly or looking terrible

[Anonymous]

You have a husband problem, not a maintenance problem.

Maybe sell the house and rent if he can’t be bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So hire the work out and don't discuss it with him first.

He would flip.

So, write a check or use a credit card. Why in the world are you not in control of your own living situation?

[Anonymous]

My husband is gradually learning that it costs more money to fix issues that have been neglected, than it takes to adequately maintain the house before issues crop up - which is particularly true for rotting wood!

But he had to learn this the hard way, several times over...

[Anonymous]

I would just have it done and ignore his anger.