Balancing intensive dance schedule with HS life

[Anonymous]

DD is entering HS next year and I am growing increasingly concerned that her dance schedule is preventing her from engaging with her school or developing new friendships. She dances 5-6 days a week and there is no time left over for school clubs, friends, or balance of any kind. She is an introvert and less concerned than I am, but I worry she is missing out. I’m sure other parents of kids with intense schedules can relate, and I’m looking for advice on helping her strike a balance, or maybe I just need to relax. She does not want to dance professionally, but she enjoys dancing at a high level. She has not developed any strong friendships through dance, which is partly why I am encouraging her to engage with her school. But I don’t want to project my priorities on her.

[Anonymous]

My niece led this life in HS at a big 3. It worked out fine for her because it helped her keep out of the daily drama at her HS. She still made plenty of friends in HS and found a way to see them although yes most of her free time was spent on dance. I don’t think she regrets it although she did not choose to dance post HS.

[Anonymous]

Be glad that your DD has identified and is pursuing a worthy goal. Priceless.

Of course, her priorities may change when she actually starts high school.

As the parent of a 9th grader who danced for a time, that’s all I got.

[Anonymous]

I suspect she may not be comfortable right now with forming deeper friendships, and that dance is a way to circumvent that. So let her dance. It keeps her out of trouble! I spent my time reading at that age.

[Anonymous]

My dd didn't dance but she has a number of close friends who did (ballet FWIW which I think is especially intense.) Every one of them quit at some point in high school because of the time demands, and my understanding is they all kind of wished they had done it sooner and been able to try more new things in high school. I'm not suggesting your dd should quit, but if she is doing for for fun and not driven to do at high level it might be worth looking into less time consuming options so she can also take advantage of all the new opportunities in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd didn't dance but she has a number of close friends who did (ballet FWIW which I think is especially intense.) Every one of them quit at some point in high school because of the time demands, and my understanding is they all kind of wished they had done it sooner and been able to try more new things in high school. I'm not suggesting your dd should quit, but if she is doing for for fun and not driven to do at high level it might be worth looking into less time consuming options so she can also take advantage of all the new opportunities in high school.

My daughter is in a similarly demanding sport and a lot of girls either quit in HS or drop to the less demanding track. I’m going to let my DD take the lead bc the sport means so much to her, but I do sometimes force her to take a break and act like a normal teen. I do think involvement in an activity like that is good for discipline, learning time management and keeping out of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she may not be comfortable right now with forming deeper friendships, and that dance is a way to circumvent that. So let her dance. It keeps her out of trouble! I spent my time reading at that age.

This is the case for my daughter, also entering HS as an intense ballet dancer. She is a strong introvert, and the types of friendships she does maintain at school are enough for her (a bit of texting, occasional sleepovers, but other than that they seem at least to me a bit superficial).

My perspective is that as long as my daughter is healthy, seems happy and maintains her grades, I'm fine with the dance commitment.

Is there a dance club at her school? Any volunteer opportunities in the local community where she can translate her knowledge into service?

Another thing to consider would be to audition for a residential summer dance program (I'm making the assumption your teen is a ballerina?). Last year many canceled and went virtual, and we had to do a virtual option this summer as well, but I'm hoping for 2022 this will be a more realistic option and a chance to get to know other teens as serious about dance as she is. Floating in and out of classes isn't conducive to much friendship making but living in a dorm could be.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD studies classical and contemporary dance. She trains 15-20 hours per week, which includes class, rehearsals, and performing. It’s a lot. I’ve suggested scaling back but there’s very little middle road with her. Going from pre-professional dance (even though professional is not her goal) to recreational is hard for her. It could also be that Covid is a hard time to make friends in the studio and there’s no dressing room or backstage hanging out this year. It does seem to keep her busy and out of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd didn't dance but she has a number of close friends who did (ballet FWIW which I think is especially intense.) Every one of them quit at some point in high school because of the time demands, and my understanding is they all kind of wished they had done it sooner and been able to try more new things in high school. I'm not suggesting your dd should quit, but if she is doing for for fun and not driven to do at high level it might be worth looking into less time consuming options so she can also take advantage of all the new opportunities in high school.

I keep encouraging her to try new things and she responds she has no time, but when I suggest she scale back, it’s a hard no. So I’m left trying to figure out if I should force her to take a break for her own good, maybe, or let her drive. So far I’ve done the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd didn't dance but she has a number of close friends who did (ballet FWIW which I think is especially intense.) Every one of them quit at some point in high school because of the time demands, and my understanding is they all kind of wished they had done it sooner and been able to try more new things in high school. I'm not suggesting your dd should quit, but if she is doing for for fun and not driven to do at high level it might be worth looking into less time consuming options so she can also take advantage of all the new opportunities in high school.

I keep encouraging her to try new things and she responds she has no time, but when I suggest she scale back, it’s a hard no. So I’m left trying to figure out if I should force her to take a break for her own good, maybe, or let her drive. So far I’ve done the latter.

12:01 again. I guess the way I look at it is that we tried "new things" pre high school. My daughter, in elem and middle, tried orchestra, soccer, softball, fencing. Nothing clicked except dance. I don't feel like trying new things at this stage in the game is necessary - she already has her passion. The question now is can she maintain her grades because preparing for college is paramount, and is she maintaining both her physical and mental health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd didn't dance but she has a number of close friends who did (ballet FWIW which I think is especially intense.) Every one of them quit at some point in high school because of the time demands, and my understanding is they all kind of wished they had done it sooner and been able to try more new things in high school. I'm not suggesting your dd should quit, but if she is doing for for fun and not driven to do at high level it might be worth looking into less time consuming options so she can also take advantage of all the new opportunities in high school.

I keep encouraging her to try new things and she responds she has no time, but when I suggest she scale back, it’s a hard no. So I’m left trying to figure out if I should force her to take a break for her own good, maybe, or let her drive. So far I’ve done the latter.

12:01 again. I guess the way I look at it is that we tried "new things" pre high school. My daughter, in elem and middle, tried orchestra, soccer, softball, fencing. Nothing clicked except dance. I don't feel like trying new things at this stage in the game is necessary - she already has her passion. The question now is can she maintain her grades because preparing for college is paramount, and is she maintaining both her physical and mental health?

I forgot to mention that DD plays an instrument in the band. Managing two performing arts is hard, and I suspect dance will win out if she is forced to choose, which would be a shame because music connects her to the school. But as I write this I realize that holy cow, she’s got a lot going on. Her academics are important to her too and we will need to see how much her extracurricular salary impact her schoolwork. So far it hasn’t been an issue - if anything, she is super organized and responsible. But the stress may get to be too much. I guess we can wait and see.

[Anonymous]

Not salary above. Darned autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

This was me. Please back off - she is happy and know what is wants. She can’t just start new things at 14 - if she tries soccer, for example, she won’t be any good compared with kids who play soccer like she dances. She found her Thing. Most parents would kill for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD studies classical and contemporary dance. She trains 15-20 hours per week, which includes class, rehearsals, and performing. It’s a lot. I’ve suggested scaling back but there’s very little middle road with her. Going from pre-professional dance (even though professional is not her goal) to recreational is hard for her. It could also be that Covid is a hard time to make friends in the studio and there’s no dressing room or backstage hanging out this year. It does seem to keep her busy and out of trouble.

I've got a dancer, though younger than yours. I agree it's hard to go from prep-pro to rec -- these kids want to study at a high level, though maybe with not an eye toward go, but rec is basically just very casual. There seems to be nothing in between.

Does she not have friends in dance? I agree it's hard this year with no performances, but my DD has made friends just preparing for performances and hanging out backstage. If that comes back next year post-Covid, maybe that could be her social outlet.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I have an introvert ballet dancer also and when I suggested recently that maybe she should scale back a bit so she had more downtime for herself, her immediate reaction was “please please don’t take ballet away from me”. She went on to say that ballet IS her stress reliever, and the one thing that keeps her sane when school is crazy. So there’s that perspective to consider too.