Balancing intensive dance schedule with HS life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD studies classical and contemporary dance. She trains 15-20 hours per week, which includes class, rehearsals, and performing. It’s a lot. I’ve suggested scaling back but there’s very little middle road with her. Going from pre-professional dance (even though professional is not her goal) to recreational is hard for her. It could also be that Covid is a hard time to make friends in the studio and there’s no dressing room or backstage hanging out this year. It does seem to keep her busy and out of trouble.

I've got a dancer, though younger than yours. I agree it's hard to go from prep-pro to rec -- these kids want to study at a high level, though maybe with not an eye toward go, but rec is basically just very casual. There seems to be nothing in between.

Does she not have friends in dance? I agree it's hard this year with no performances, but my DD has made friends just preparing for performances and hanging out backstage. If that comes back next year post-Covid, maybe that could be her social outlet.

I’m hoping that relaxed distancing will help her make more friends next year. It’s easy to underestimate the value of downtime (dressing room, eating snacks, water breaks, backstage) until it’s gone. DD switched schools two years ago and it takes her awhile to break through socially. And this year has been mostly virtual with irregular studio opportunities. She had some close friends at her old school, but not so much where she is now, which is a better fit for her in other ways. We’ll see what happens next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have an introvert ballet dancer also and when I suggested recently that maybe she should scale back a bit so she had more downtime for herself, her immediate reaction was “please please don’t take ballet away from me”. She went on to say that ballet IS her stress reliever, and the one thing that keeps her sane when school is crazy. So there’s that perspective to consider too.

I think this is how she feels, too. Though the time commitment is stressful too. I do wish these kids could dance at a high level in half the amount of time, but such is life.

[Anonymous]

This was me in high school and I am so grateful I kept that path. I was also an introvert and got my confidence from dance. It gave me a sense of belonging and consistency when a big high school felt overwhelming. I feel like the experience I had gave me so many skills that I later used in college and in my career- the ability to work with a group, having respect for and being able to work with those you may not like, perseverance, discipline, time-management, I could go on and on. I say if she wants to continue, follow her lead and let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD studies classical and contemporary dance. She trains 15-20 hours per week, which includes class, rehearsals, and performing. It’s a lot. I’ve suggested scaling back but there’s very little middle road with her. Going from pre-professional dance (even though professional is not her goal) to recreational is hard for her. It could also be that Covid is a hard time to make friends in the studio and there’s no dressing room or backstage hanging out this year. It does seem to keep her busy and out of trouble.

I've got a dancer, though younger than yours. I agree it's hard to go from prep-pro to rec -- these kids want to study at a high level, though maybe with not an eye toward go, but rec is basically just very casual. There seems to be nothing in between.

Does she not have friends in dance? I agree it's hard this year with no performances, but my DD has made friends just preparing for performances and hanging out backstage. If that comes back next year post-Covid, maybe that could be her social outlet.

I’m hoping that relaxed distancing will help her make more friends next year. It’s easy to underestimate the value of downtime (dressing room, eating snacks, water breaks, backstage) until it’s gone. DD switched schools two years ago and it takes her awhile to break through socially. And this year has been mostly virtual with irregular studio opportunities. She had some close friends at her old school, but not so much where she is now, which is a better fit for her in other ways. We’ll see what happens next year.

Definitely this has been a tough year for getting to know people through dance schools. If my DD didn't know kids before this year, she certainly would not have made friends with them this year. They are are hybrid, and when they are in studio, they are always apart and there is no lingering or hanging out at all allowed. She has always gotten to know people best through the bonding experience of shows. Here's hoping they come back next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD studies classical and contemporary dance. She trains 15-20 hours per week, which includes class, rehearsals, and performing. It’s a lot. I’ve suggested scaling back but there’s very little middle road with her. Going from pre-professional dance (even though professional is not her goal) to recreational is hard for her. It could also be that Covid is a hard time to make friends in the studio and there’s no dressing room or backstage hanging out this year. It does seem to keep her busy and out of trouble.

I've got a dancer, though younger than yours. I agree it's hard to go from prep-pro to rec -- these kids want to study at a high level, though maybe with not an eye toward go, but rec is basically just very casual. There seems to be nothing in between.

Does she not have friends in dance? I agree it's hard this year with no performances, but my DD has made friends just preparing for performances and hanging out backstage. If that comes back next year post-Covid, maybe that could be her social outlet.

I’m hoping that relaxed distancing will help her make more friends next year. It’s easy to underestimate the value of downtime (dressing room, eating snacks, water breaks, backstage) until it’s gone. DD switched schools two years ago and it takes her awhile to break through socially. And this year has been mostly virtual with irregular studio opportunities. She had some close friends at her old school, but not so much where she is now, which is a better fit for her in other ways. We’ll see what happens next year.

Definitely this has been a tough year for getting to know people through dance schools. If my DD didn't know kids before this year, she certainly would not have made friends with them this year. They are are hybrid, and when they are in studio, they are always apart and there is no lingering or hanging out at all allowed. She has always gotten to know people best through the bonding experience of shows. Here's hoping they come back next year.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me in high school and I am so grateful I kept that path. I was also an introvert and got my confidence from dance. It gave me a sense of belonging and consistency when a big high school felt overwhelming. I feel like the experience I had gave me so many skills that I later used in college and in my career- the ability to work with a group, having respect for and being able to work with those you may not like, perseverance, discipline, time-management, I could go on and on. I say if she wants to continue, follow her lead and let her go.

Thank you! I will read this post, and others, to my DH who needs more convincing than I do. Intensive dance is a whole family commitment, and he sometimes doubts it’s worth it. Glad it was for you. It has been for DD so far.

[Anonymous]

I'm not seeing anything in your post that indicates your daughter is struggling with balance. Yes, she seems busy and has a lot on her plate but I didn't see anything that indicated this was unhealthy. I'm only seeing your concerns/fears. Has she expressed dissatisfaction with what she's doing or do you see unhealthy symptoms? If not, I'd follow her lead.

FWIW, recruiters started contacting us about DD when she was in MS. She was passionate about her sport and immersed in it - until 11th grade when it was no longer 'fun' and she scaled back and now only plays in rec/club level.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely let her take the lead on this. Some kids thrive when busy. She sounds very happy to have found something she loves. I think you would rather her dance this much vs hole up in her room watching tiktoks (which may be what an introvert would do instead).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is entering HS next year and I am growing increasingly concerned that her dance schedule is preventing her from engaging with her school or developing new friendships. She dances 5-6 days a week and there is no time left over for school clubs, friends, or balance of any kind. She is an introvert and less concerned than I am, but I worry she is missing out. I’m sure other parents of kids with intense schedules can relate, and I’m looking for advice on helping her strike a balance, or maybe I just need to relax. She does not want to dance professionally, but she enjoys dancing at a high level. She has not developed any strong friendships through dance, which is partly why I am encouraging her to engage with her school. But I don’t want to project my priorities on her.

She will likely figure it out herself naturally once she actually starts school. My DD was certain she wanted to continue competitive irish dance but within a few weeks of 9th grade starting she was already begging to skip classes and practicing declined significantly as she worked to juggle classes and do activities with friends from school. She is also an introvert so I was surprised. Then she got talked into trying out for freshman cheer and was shocked to make the squad. We weakly protested but gave up and realized that the dance ship had sailed. She did finish out the year in dance but only competed twice (previously she competed almost every weekend) that year and hasn't looked back...

[Anonymous]

DD had an intense ballet schedule in high school. Every afternoon for three hours and another five on Saturdays. She made a great group of friends and had a serious boyfriend even thought she couldn’t join any activities or most high school stuff.

Ballet dancers (probably all dancers but I only know ballet) gain so much discipline and stress release from their art. I’m glad I never asked her to cut back.