Five year old asking existential questions...

[Anonymous]

...and I'm failing miserably at giving him satisfactory (to him, anyway) answers. I was kidding when I said existential but tonight he asked me what it feels like BEFORE you're alive, BEFORE you're in mommy's belly. My little guy is looking into the void, LOL. He's also asking a lot of questions about death. The boys he plays with at school are constantly pretending to "kill" each other as bad guys and good guys and my son is grappling with all of this stuff. AND he's asking about how his daddy and I made him...I told him that he grew from a seed in my belly but he keeps asking how the seed got there. He wants to know EXACTLY how God put it there, in the literal sense. Aargh. Anyone else going through this with their kids?

[Anonymous]

Focus on the easy ones, like what it feels like before you are alive Hopefully you won't get to how the seed got there.

[Anonymous]

Yep, my 4 yr old has been asking about death since he was 3 and the questions get harder and more insistent. Sometimes I just ask him what he thinks and then sit back and enjoy the responses. Tell him what he wants to know esp if he keeps asking. Nothing to be ashamed of since 5 yr olds are pretty literal.

[Anonymous]

You could try reading a non-fiction text about an animal that talks about reproduction. I know my step-daughter learned about tadpoles/frogs in Kindergarten and seems to use this as a way of explaining how all babies are made. She does it relatively accurately too, w/o being inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

For the easy ones, like sex:
*Wow honey, that's a great question! Mommy really doesn't know. Maybe we can go to the library/bookstore/whatever tomorrow and find out*

For the hard ones like death, God, etc:
*Well what do you think?*
OR
*Mommy thinks (this), but everyone thinks something different. When you get bigger you can decide for yourself if you like.*

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't believe in God so I've given pretty much biologically-correct answers. I've also told DD (4.5) that people think different things and no-one knows for sure (where relevant). She's just enjoying thinking about this sort of stuff.

Anyway, not really sure what your question is - except if anyone else is going through this. It's totally normal and healthy. Just be open and balanced.

[zumbamama]

My DCs also ask about death. I like to explain to them the different ideas that people have about what happens when we die. Some people believe in heaven, some believe in reincarnation, some believe it just ends, and I tell them what I personally think. DCs are free to form their own opinions.

They are aware that they won't live forever, and that life is a precious gift not to be wasted. I talk about how to live a meaningful, happy life (helping others, education, being thankful, etc) and the many things we can do to live long (like eating healthy, staying active, being safe).

I like that they ask me these questions because it's an opportunity to teach them how to use their time on Earth wisely and have a better understanding about the impermanence our existence. Deep little thinkers they are. : )

[Anonymous]

My son is 4 1/2 and is asking the same kind of questions: where he was before he was born, how he got into my belly, a lot of stuff about death including his own and mine. Has figured out that his grandparents are going to be dead when he grows up and throws this out into casual conversation (really hope he does not do so in front of them).

He just told me that he wished that people could come out of their mother's belly all grown up and go backwards that way he and I could be the same age.
There are questions about bad guys and why they kill people.

We do have religious beliefs and so I bring those to bear in my answers, but I also say when I don't know. I try to figure out if something is disturbing him or scaring him (without assuming that it is). If so, I try hard to reassure him.

[Anonymous]

My DS (4.5) has been asking lately if he can go back into my belly, and he knows the route he took to get out, so has asked if he can go back in the same way. Uh, no, there aren't enough epidurals in the world to make that a comfortable reverse process!

Also lots of death and killing talk/questions. I remember the same from DS#1 when he was the same age (he's now 10), so it's pretty much the age. Answer as your beliefs deem appropriate. We're pretty biologically correct (which is how he knew the route he took to come out), but the death questions can be a bit trickier.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd just tell him the truth. A simplified version, since he's five yo, but the truth. I asked those kinds of questions when I was a kid and I wanted to know the answer!

Regarind the birds and the bees, you can look to books like "How Babies Are Made" (published in 1960s, I think) that speak directly to kids his age. And don't be shy about telling him about sperm and egg and penis and uterus and stuff. Some good anatomy books will help make things simple and understandable.

We talk about things like this in an even more simple way with our 2.5 yo. The book "A Child Is Born" fascinates her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and I'm failing miserably at giving him satisfactory (to him, anyway) answers. I was kidding when I said existential but tonight he asked me what it feels like BEFORE you're alive, BEFORE you're in mommy's belly. My little guy is looking into the void, LOL. He's also asking a lot of questions about death. The boys he plays with at school are constantly pretending to "kill" each other as bad guys and good guys and my son is grappling with all of this stuff. AND he's asking about how his daddy and I made him...I told him that he grew from a seed in my belly but he keeps asking how the seed got there. He wants to know EXACTLY how God put it there, in the literal sense. Aargh. Anyone else going through this with their kids?

Yes. My daughter started this at age three.

Just tell him what you believe or, in my case, "nobody knows for sure.... some people believe this.... some that.... what do you think?". Some things are mysteries to us, and that's OK too.

Ultimately we joined a church to satisfy her curiosity about the "void".

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was a little under 3, she was afraid of witches. I spent several minutes exquisitely parsing the difference between "good witches" and "bad witches". Talking about how sometimes people who look scary are really very nice. Etc, etc... She wasn't buying it. Finally it dawned on me, "Honey, witches aren't real. They're pretend. People like to tell stories like that because it's fun to pretend."

"Oh. Okay." No more fear of witches.

Two weeks later: "Papa, is Santa Claus real or pretend."

Sigh. It never ends.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone.

My 3 yo daughter started weeping at bed time.
DD "I want to grow any bigger."
M "Why not? Growing up is fun and you can do exciting and interesting things when you are bigger."
DD "Because I don't want to get old and die because when you die you can never come home. Our dog never came home when he died."

Death questions abound I try to be reassuring without lying. I love to hear how others answer these questions.

[Anonymous]

Sorry.

DD" I don't want to grow any bigger"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Death questions abound I try to be reassuring without lying. I love to hear how others answer these questions.

I usually take the tack: "Dogs don't live very long, honey. But people live a long, long, long time. You're probably going to live to be EIGHTY years old. And that's a LOT of years!"