Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?

[Anonymous]

Last summer our kids attended an outdoor, part-time playground summer camp program. They enjoyed it so much that we plan to have them attend again this year. Last year, quite a few schoolmates attended the camp, too. Because I’m an educator, I don’t work during the summer months. Some parents put out feelers to see if I would be willing to carpool, but I’m not. I never had to give a definitive answer because I was never directly asked. However, since registration opened today, I’ve been tested by five (5!) moms asking me if my kids will be attending again this summer, including one of DS’s best friend’s mom, so I know the question is coming.

I’m 100% happy to help in a pinch. I’m also 100% not up for responsibilities outside of my own home during the summer months. Maybe it’s selfish. What’s the best way to articulate this, particularly to the parents with whom I’m friendly?

[Anonymous]

"I'm keeping our schedule open this summer, so I can't commit to any carpools - sorry!"

[Anonymous]

If they ask, can you say "I'd love to but we our mornings are chaotic and we often don't go directly home after camp so I can't commit to a regular carpooling schedule. I know [insert your child's name here] will be thrilled to play with [insert other kid's name here] at camp though!!

[Anonymous]

Uh, it's a pandemic, so IMO it's a little weird to ask people to carpool and you are totally fine saying "I can't, but Larlo will have fun seeing Rex at camp!"

[Anonymous]

"Sorry! We have a lot going on this summer and I can't commit to carpool, but we are excited to see you and Larla at drop off!"

No is also a complete sentence and you don't have to apologize for not being a glorified taxi driver, but if you want to be nicer about it, something like ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, it's a pandemic, so IMO it's a little weird to ask people to carpool and you are totally fine saying "I can't, but Larlo will have fun seeing Rex at camp!"

No, it's not weird. They may want to keep options open for going to the park, get ice cream, drop in to see relatives, etc... All things that people are doing NOW, while still unvaccinated. They shouldn't, but whatever. So this summer, you can bet a lot more people will be going everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they ask, can you say "I'd love to but we our mornings are chaotic and we often don't go directly home after camp so I can't commit to a regular carpooling schedule. I know [insert your child's name here] will be thrilled to play with [insert other kid's name here] at camp though!!

I have kind of poor social skills but an answer like that is always confusing to me, because half of it is yes and half is no. It sounds like they want to so maybe it’s an invitation to problem solve?

Just say “I’m so glad they will be together. Carpooling doesn’t work for us, but Larla will look forward to seeing Hortense at camp!

[Anonymous]

I am looking forward to John attending the camp again this year - he had the best time before! We're trying to figure out our schedules but life is so crazy we're just going to wing it sometimes.

Translation: Find your own ride.

[Anonymous]

I think "carpool just won't work for us regularly" is sufficient. I don't think anyone will have their feelings hurt, it's just a logistics thing and they maybe think you want to be included and that it would helpful to you. Saying you aren't interested in enough.

[Anonymous]

OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.

[Anonymous]

The simplest way is to just answer "No, I'm not interested in carpooling."

If you feel that is too blunt, you can say something like "Sorry, but we may not be going directly home after camp some days and so can't commit to carpooling." I've often added errands to either end of trips out of the house helped to stop people taking advantage of me being willing to drive kids. The busy parents all do this, by combining trips out of the house, so it should be familiar to them and is a plausible explanation for why you don't want extra kids with you. My kids are old enough that I can stop by a store and leave them in the car in the parking lot with a tablet while I run inside. Something I am not willing to do with someone else's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking forward to John attending the camp again this year - he had the best time before! We're trying to figure out our schedules but life is so crazy we're just going to wing it sometimes.

Translation: Find your own ride.

This is the worst suggestion yet. It sounds like you're looking for additional help trying to figure out a way to carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.

Yeah, except we all know there are a sub-set of parents who take advantage of the moms who aren't working and think 'oh they're going anyway, it'll be easy for them to pick-up/drop-off my kid on the way'.

- First they start weaseling out of their own pick-up/drop-off times
- Second they start making you wait as they're running late to drop-off/pick-up their child
- Third they start asking you to bring their kid home with you
- Fourth its the sheer annoyance of being responsible for someone else's kid for any duration

[Anonymous]

No, thanks. We aren't planning to carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, it's a pandemic, so IMO it's a little weird to ask people to carpool and you are totally fine saying "I can't, but Larlo will have fun seeing Rex at camp!"

This!!!