Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does everyone know who is a SAHP and who is a working parent? I don't even know this about some of my friends, let alone random neighbors.
It's rare that I think a SAH parent is actually working out of the home full time traditional hours (although it's happened...some people manage to look busy and harried no matter how little they actually have going on), but I can't differentiate a SAHP vs someone with a flexible or part time job unless I specifically ask.

Maybe some of the SAHP's feeling taken advantage of need to be a little more closed mouth about their actual work status...

Because we talk with our friends. I don't know for random neighborhood parents, but of course I know if my friends work outside the home.

Your gossip can be wrong. People often assume I am a SAHM and I am not. I have been WFH since before the pandemic. There is a difference. Now the rest of the country understands this. Let's see if the understanding sticks.

How do not know people’s working status? They are obviously not friends then.

I don’t know what parents do for most classmates. I do know for my kids’ friends’ parents and I definitely know what MY friends do.

How odd. Even acquaintances will share what they do vaguely. It comes out within the first 5 min or after meeting a handful of times.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I’m a SAHM. I used to be a working mom. I knew who worked and who didn’t, who worked part time or work from home. I would consider this getting to know people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, thanks. We aren't planning to carpool.

+1 simple and no misunderstandings.

x10000

Simple and to the point.

x10000 again. Clear and to the point. And because I assume you are a woman, OP, don't add on a "I'm sorry" because you don't have to feel sorry.

You don't HAVE to but there's nothing wrong with a little social grease. I'm assuming OP wants to at least stay cordial with these moms. The "that doesn't work for us" answer that's recommended here over and over again makes it sound like you have zero social skills whatsoever. I don't know a single person that actually talks that way.

+1

This, and I have no issues with setting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does everyone know who is a SAHP and who is a working parent? I don't even know this about some of my friends, let alone random neighbors.
It's rare that I think a SAH parent is actually working out of the home full time traditional hours (although it's happened...some people manage to look busy and harried no matter how little they actually have going on), but I can't differentiate a SAHP vs someone with a flexible or part time job unless I specifically ask.

Maybe some of the SAHP's feeling taken advantage of need to be a little more closed mouth about their actual work status...

Because we talk with our friends. I don't know for random neighborhood parents, but of course I know if my friends work outside the home.

Your gossip can be wrong. People often assume I am a SAHM and I am not. I have been WFH since before the pandemic. There is a difference. Now the rest of the country understands this. Let's see if the understanding sticks.

How do not know people’s working status? They are obviously not friends then.

I don’t know what parents do for most classmates. I do know for my kids’ friends’ parents and I definitely know what MY friends do.

How odd. Even acquaintances will share what they do vaguely. It comes out within the first 5 min or after meeting a handful of times.

Pp here. This is what I am talking about. If you feel that you are being taken advantage of as a SAHM, then maybe you don’t need to share that information with every random acquaintance within the first five minutes of meeting them. I am assuming that the SAHP who feel taken advantage of aren’t talking about their closest friends. These are neighbors or your kid’s classmates parents. You can sit next to someone during a soccer game and chat without talking about your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does everyone know who is a SAHP and who is a working parent? I don't even know this about some of my friends, let alone random neighbors.
It's rare that I think a SAH parent is actually working out of the home full time traditional hours (although it's happened...some people manage to look busy and harried no matter how little they actually have going on), but I can't differentiate a SAHP vs someone with a flexible or part time job unless I specifically ask.

Maybe some of the SAHP's feeling taken advantage of need to be a little more closed mouth about their actual work status...

Because we talk with our friends. I don't know for random neighborhood parents, but of course I know if my friends work outside the home.

Your gossip can be wrong. People often assume I am a SAHM and I am not. I have been WFH since before the pandemic. There is a difference. Now the rest of the country understands this. Let's see if the understanding sticks.

How do not know people’s working status? They are obviously not friends then.

I don’t know what parents do for most classmates. I do know for my kids’ friends’ parents and I definitely know what MY friends do.

How odd. Even acquaintances will share what they do vaguely. It comes out within the first 5 min or after meeting a handful of times.

Pp here. This is what I am talking about. If you feel that you are being taken advantage of as a SAHM, then maybe you don’t need to share that information with every random acquaintance within the first five minutes of meeting them. I am assuming that the SAHP who feel taken advantage of aren’t talking about their closest friends. These are neighbors or your kid’s classmates parents. You can sit next to someone during a soccer game and chat without talking about your work.

Or you can share the information and just learn to say "no, that doesn't work for me". Anyone who reacts badly is a person who should be avoided.

[Anonymous]

I would just say something like, "Thank you so much for thinking of us but we aren't going to be able to carpool this year." And leave it at that. Explanations and excuses can make things confusing or leave openings for pushy people.

[Anonymous]

I'd go with "Thanks, but we have so many plans this summer before & after camp that we couldn't possibly commit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.

Agree. I thought the whole point of carpooling with another family was to reduce the times you do drop off or pick up by half. They can't possibly be asking you to do 100 percent of the driving and them zero?

[Anonymous]

When they ask you say, "Well we're not planning to join a carpool but I heard from (list the 5 people who texted you) that they were enrolling their kids so try one of them!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am looking forward to John attending the camp again this year - he had the best time before! We're trying to figure out our schedules but life is so crazy we're just going to wing it sometimes.

Translation: Find your own ride.

This is the worst suggestion yet. It sounds like you're looking for additional help trying to figure out a way to carpool.

This is so unclear and pointless! Op clear is kind and kind is clear. “Thanks for checking but our schedule won’t work for carpool this year. John is looking forward to seeing Billy at camp though!”

[Anonymous]

How is this 6 pages?? Just learn to say no. No explanations no excuses. "We're not carpooling this year". Done with no misinterpreting.

[Anonymous]

I mean - or you could help out your kids best friends mom at least. Being a teacher with a very inflexible job during the school year you might need to bank some favors.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the reasons I don't want to get a larger vehicle! "Sorry, my car can only carry my 2 kids!"

[Anonymous]

The kids and I like the car ride to talk about them and family stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does everyone know who is a SAHP and who is a working parent? I don't even know this about some of my friends, let alone random neighbors.
It's rare that I think a SAH parent is actually working out of the home full time traditional hours (although it's happened...some people manage to look busy and harried no matter how little they actually have going on), but I can't differentiate a SAHP vs someone with a flexible or part time job unless I specifically ask.

Maybe some of the SAHP's feeling taken advantage of need to be a little more closed mouth about their actual work status...

You don’t know if your friends work jobs? That’s strange.