Rant: loving & annoying in laws
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Anonymous
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My in laws are very nice & thoughtful - above and beyond.
However they can't seem to stop offering my kids junk food after I've told them many times I don't want them snacking in between meals. During our joint spring break vacation, kids were offered 1 gallon zip lock bag each with chips/breakfast bars/candies/gummies for a 5 hour drive after having breakfast. Previously, they were offered sundaes right before lunch....these are just some of the examples. My kids are average weight and under 10, theirs are 10-13 and overweight, there's no reason for them to snack continuously between meals. Their kids are already saying "i'm fat, my friends say i'm slow because i'm fat...the older cousins think i'm thick." and they continuously sneak snacks into their rooms to eat. My husband, his sisters are in their 40s, overweight and diabetic....my parents are diabetic....their parents passed away from cancer. I don't know what else to get them to understand. Stopping my kids from seeing their relatives isn't an option. |
Anonymous
| Teach your kids to say no thank you. |
Anonymous
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These are aunts/uncles? How often do you see them?
If you aren't seeing them more than once a week, I'd just relax about it. Eating a few extra snacks is not going to throw your children into a diabetic coma. |
Anonymous
| Just say I know you mean well but please respect my boundaries. |
Anonymous
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The real question is frequency. If this is four times a year for vacations/holidays, let it go. Special treats when Auntie and Uncle are around, yay.
If they're always around (more frequently than weekly), you've got to nip this in the bud. How forcefully have you said you don't want between meal snacking? If it was "oh, yeah, we try to avoid snacking between meals," you've got to go in harder. "Hey, Uncle Larlo, we are no longer allowing our children any snacks outside of mealtimes and their 4pm snack (or whatever) so please do not offer them any food outside these times. It's totally fine if your kids are eating and my kids are not, they'll be okay." I would definitely include the last part - they may think it's rude to provide a sundae to their kids and leave your kids empty handed, so you want to preempt that concern. If you've made it clear and they're ignoring you, unfortunately, you can't leave your kids alone with them (at least for a while) - you've got to be there so when Uncle Larlo says starts to hand them a bag of candy you can say "no, thank you, it's not snack time right now" and physical intercept as needed. If it's weekly - it's a judgment call. |
Anonymous
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Educate your children on healthy nutrition and good food choices. It's very important given their heredity on that side of the family. I wouldn't leave my kids alone with these people at all right now. If you are with them when they offer these things, just refuse for the children. Tell them straight to their face that such caloric and unhealthy eating leads to obesity, diabetes and increase cancer risks - which is all 100% true. This is a hill to die on. |
Anonymous
Disagree. For context, I'm a fit and health focused person. If this is once in a while, use this as an opportunity to educate your kids on making good choices themselves. Making food such a big deal, as described by the top PP, is never a good idea. Leads to weird food issues. |
Anonymous
No. It is not your place as someone who is NOT their doctor to lecture them on food choices. |
Anonymous
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My advice is to tell your kids they need to say, "Let me check with my mom and dad."
That way, your kids AND the relatives get the message that your kids cannot just be offered food. Sometimes, say yes. Like especially if it's something reasonable, like a bag of Goldfish in the afternoon, well before dinner time. Then, you'll be able to say no without looking like a bad guy to your kids, because sometimes you say yes. This also gives you room to say, "You may have those gummy bears after dinner, as dessert. You can choose that, or the cupcakes that grandma has." |
Anonymous
+1 I posted above that I would intervene to keep the food from my kids. But DO NOT lecture them!! It's none of your business, and that's a fast, fast way to ruin these relationships. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
PP you replied to. We are a family of doctors and research scientists working in biomedical fields, and we know that America is in a very expensive public health crisis due to poor food choices (and junk food malnutrition due to poverty), enabled by a corrupt food industry in bed with politicians. So YES, it's all hands on deck. We all need to politely and factually educate other people on what's unhealthy, because guess what? You and your children will pay for it, in increased health insurance costs and taxes. It's YOUR money that will be earmarked for outreach programs on diabetes and hypertension, funding for drug development and dialysis clinics, etc. Don't think this doesn't affect you. It does in a very practical way, even if you feel secure that your children won't imitate others and will continue their healthy habits. All it takes is one sentence, repeated every time a giant bag of junk is offered. It's not rude, it's saving lives and saving pocket-books. |
Anonymous
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Just shut it down every time. My parents are like this. It makes me DH see red every time they come for a dinner and bring a big chocolate cake or such. They can't drink water and will only drink soda, so they're always offering our toddlers Coke, Diet Coke and Dr. Pepper.
We left our two kids in their care while we were hospitalized with the 3rd. In 2 days they went for fast food FIVE times with my 2 and 4 year old!!! Our kids are fantastic eaters who eat absolutely everything and love vegetables, so there's no reason they need a Happy Meal. We just shut it down over and over and over again. It hasn't taken yet though. Wonderful grandparents, but 2 year olds don't need to drink Dr. Pepper in their sippy cups. |
Anonymous
| Just teach the kids to ask for what they really want or to refuse food they don't want. Teach them they don't have to have food pushed on them by anyone. |
Anonymous
It IS rude. And again, you are not THEIR doctor. It is SHAMING adults, which is wrong. |