Should I say something? I didn’t know she was going through infertility issues

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friendly/acquaintances with my neighbor since the fall, nothing more than chit chats and occasionally letting our kids play. I just had a baby and she came to visit and brought me a meal. She’s been so kind! She’s lovely and I like her. We just became Facebook friends and in reading her posts I now see that she is dealing with infertility. I’m ALWAYS sensitive to things like that (my own baby took 4 years to come around!) and I never would have complained about the baby or pregnancy. I just feel weird now, like I didn’t know about this big thing while she’s been so kind to my baby and me.

Should I say something now? Like, “I’m sorry I didn’t know”...???

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I was prepared to say no but 1. The fact that you've also dealt with infertility and 2. She posted about it...I would send a gentle and very brief text. When I was going through treatment I felt so alone and isolated and like no one I knew understood. Plus I loved hearing success stories. Just keep it brief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared to say no but 1. The fact that you've also dealt with infertility and 2. She posted about it...I would send a gentle and very brief text. When I was going through treatment I felt so alone and isolated and like no one I knew understood. Plus I loved hearing success stories. Just keep it brief.

+1 I would appreciate a gentle mention of it at an appropriate moment. Whether it be next time we bumped into each other or whatnot. I am struggling with infertility for close to 4 years now and I often wish I could speak about it to more people. I would appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared to say no but 1. The fact that you've also dealt with infertility and 2. She posted about it...I would send a gentle and very brief text. When I was going through treatment I felt so alone and isolated and like no one I knew understood. Plus I loved hearing success stories. Just keep it brief.

+1 I would appreciate a gentle mention of it at an appropriate moment. Whether it be next time we bumped into each other or whatnot. I am struggling with infertility for close to 4 years now and I often wish I could speak about it to more people. I would appreciate it.

OP here. I didn’t go through fertility treatments. It just took 4 long years to conceive. Does that matter? If not what could I say?

She isn’t going through treatments either. She just writes things like “mourning not having another baby” and things like that

[Anonymous]

No. You don't apologize for things you found out after the fact. At the time you were struggling and complaining about your difficult birth, she had no included you in the group of people who she had shared her fertility issues with. If she had wanted you to be aware, she could have let you know back then whether to tell you directly or to friend you on FB so you would have found out about it there. But she didn't, so she didn't want your concern. She was more concerned with being a good acquaintance to you. In fact, it's quite possible that she purposely chose not to friend you earlier so that her fertility issues would not add extra stress or anxiety on you during your pregnancy, if you thought you had to tread carefully around the topic while around her.

What you do is that going forward, you be sensitive to her problems and what you say around her. You might make things uncomfortable or awkward if you say something now about past events. Just be conscientious and concerned going forward. Offer sympathy and concern for events or discussions that happen from here on, but don't go back and try to make an issue of events that happened before you became aware of her problems.

[Anonymous]

If I became friends with someone on FB and they read my previous posts from before we were FB friends and then commented to me about them I would think that is odd no matter the subject (I don't post stuff that private on FB anyway).

Also, the fact that she already has a child means she could still relate to your pregnancy/baby complaints.

[Anonymous]

I'd maybe make an offhand comment about how this pregnancy took a while to happen, or something to that effect. It opens the door for her to engage on the topic if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared to say no but 1. The fact that you've also dealt with infertility and 2. She posted about it...I would send a gentle and very brief text. When I was going through treatment I felt so alone and isolated and like no one I knew understood. Plus I loved hearing success stories. Just keep it brief.

+1 I would appreciate a gentle mention of it at an appropriate moment. Whether it be next time we bumped into each other or whatnot. I am struggling with infertility for close to 4 years now and I often wish I could speak about it to more people. I would appreciate it.

OP here. I didn’t go through fertility treatments. It just took 4 long years to conceive. Does that matter? If not what could I say?

She isn’t going through treatments either. She just writes things like “mourning not having another baby” and things like that

No, but if she brings it up you can share that it took you 4 years. Let her lead the conversation. Also how do you know she’s not going through fertility treatments? Maybe she’s just not sharing.