Dinner time = Silly time: How do I regain control?

[Anonymous]

Groan... dinner is out of control. My husband and I work, but family dinners are a priority, and we eat together pretty much every night. Recently, my two boys (3.5 and 5.5) have been behaving so poorly, I am at my wits end. HELP!

In essence, they're not poorly mannered. They use please/thank you... mostly sit still... and frequently have nice conversations with us. BUT... they also like to giggle with each other, and play off one another's energy levels. Here's a typical-type conversation:

Mom: what did you do in school today?
Younger son: We talked about dinosaurs
Older son: Dinosaurs are poopy (snicker snicker)
YS: Ooooohhhh POOOOOOPY! (snicker snicker)
Mom: We don't use potty talk at the table.
Dad: Yeah, no potty talk boys.
OS and YS continue to snicker
OS: Or maybe they're POOFY! laugh laugh
YS: Yeah... They're POOFY! HA HA HA HAHAHAH
Mom: (thinking, what do I do know? They're not violating my potty talk rules... maybe I'll re-direct...). So what do you want to do tomorrow? Should we go to the park?
OS: POOFY POOFY POOFY! HA HA HA HAHA
YS: HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!
Mom: OK, that's enough silliness, that's just noise, and you need to use your table voices.
YS: POOFY POOFY POOFY! HA HA HA HAHAHA
Mom: That's ENOUGH! If you don't cut out the silliness, you're going to be excused.
2 minutes of quiet...
YS: I like it when Robin Hood says he's going to steal Prince John's UNDERWEAR! snicker snicker.
OS: Yeah... his UNDERWEAR! HAHAHAHAH
cycle repeats...

Please help. The two boys are close friends, but dinner is just turning into one big silly mess. My husband and I can't talk because of all the noise, and the kids won't engage in any real conversation once they get started. I struggle in part because I don't expect them to be perfect. I want them to talk and have a conversation, and I feel like if I'm going to require that, I have to lower my standards (somewhat) to include topics that they find interesting (like Prince John's undewear). As long as its not potty talk, I don't mind. But it just all turns so silly! and LOUD! And its bad manners. I know they're kids, and I don't want to be a total scrooge and say "No Laughing at the table". It's compounded by the fact that my older son is a terribly picky eater... so he's frequently looking for "something else" to do during dinner. [Please don't recommend I feed him more things he likes... I am SO DONE catering to his food choices]. I don't require them to sit until we're done, and in fact, I frequently encourage him to excuse himself and go play (and be silly) in the playroom if he's not eating. The only problem is that my younger son will typically get up from the table when my older son goes... and he's still eating.

The whole thing is driving me so crazy, I'm starting to think those obnoxious parents who believe children should be "seen but not heard" at the table were RIGHT!!!

How do I rein this in without becoming a complete ogre? Or do I just need to become an ogre?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry for responding to my own post.

It seems to me that I don't have any clear rules here, and therefore I don't know how to articulate the rules to the boys and enforcethem, and therefore they are walking all over me. "No silliness" just seems too vague.

Anyone have some ideas along these lines? My preschoolers are outsmarting me!

[Anonymous]

We play a lot of "games" at the dinner table. For example, we play the "tell one thing you did during the day" game, where everybody says something they did...i.e., kindergartner may say, "I had pizza for lunch!" and we follow up with lots of questions, like "who did you eat with" and "what did you do after lunch." Facilitates normal conversation, at least.

We also play a game where someone thinks of an animal and we try to guess what it is -- is it a mammal, what color is it, where does it live, etc.

Not sure if that helps get rid of the silliness, but you may have to live with a level of it for the time being. You can have some rules -- no potty talk, for example, but I'd err on the side of letting them have a good time and making mealtimes enjoyable. You could have the older, pickier eater one read a book at the table when he is done if that helps you keep the younger one there and eating his dinner.

[Anonymous]

To be perfectly honest, their dinner conversation sounds like a lot of fun to me! I only have a 2.5 year old right now, so no real deep conversations, but the 3 of us do laugh a lot during dinner and poopy isn't a bad word for me, so I don't see it as a big deal.

But ultimately, I think they like exasperating you a bit. How about you let silly go for a few days and see how much they enjoy it if mom and dad don't get riled up about it? They may get bored of it and be up for normal conversations after all.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Focus on what really bothers you. The potty talk? Then make the rule "no potty talk" Or is it the loudness? Then have a rule about using inside voices. If it is just plain silliness, I suggest letting it go. If they are otherwise being good (eating their food, not hitting each other, not stopping you from eating), why not let them be silly if they want. I think they are just a bit too young to expect a full conversation. You could try to direct them with questions, but I'd lower my expectations a little.

I'm not saying I don't feel for you. My 3.5 year old son the other day started reciting potty language at dinner. He then corrected himself (said we don't use potty language at the table), said he had to go to the bathroom, and then started to shout from the bathroom "poop, poop, poop...I can use potty words because I am in the bathroom." It's like he found the loophole. What's a mom to do

[Anonymous]

Your dinner sounds like a pleasure in contrast to getting my two toddlers to sit and eat with their father and I every night. And like a pp said, poopy isn't a bad word in our house either. I think it sounds like things are going really well at your house. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

regain control?

i'm sorry. i don't "flame" here often, but....you've got to be kidding me!

after a long, busy day this seems like most appropriate and not even remotely troubling behavior to me from these ages.

loosen up, op.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. My guys are just 3.5 and 1.5 and it's like a silliness ping pong tourney at meal time. One starts with the silly, it bounces off the other, and ping-pong-ping-pong goofiness ensues. It's entertaining yet distracting and honestly it drives me nuts. I'm fine with a little giggling, but it gets loud fast, and they forget to eat because they're so busy being comedians.

[Anonymous]

totally annoying

totally normal

[Anonymous]

I also think this sounds normal. Let the kids be silly. I'd be happy if my kids (2.5 and 4) would just stay in their seats and remember to say please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

Ok OK... OP here. I will take to heart the advice that I need to lighten up on this.

In trying to articulate what bothers me... its not that they're being a little silly. Big deal. I expect (and enjoy) a little silliness. I think what bothers me is that it spirals into a very loud out-of-control dinner, where my husband and I cannot talk to each other. Nor can we talk to the kids... because they are too busy being silly. What is the point of a family dinner if its just so my husband and I can bear witness to the kids being out of control? And while I recognize that self-centered behavior is normal for toddlers... they're 3.5 and 5.5, and so I hope they're approaching the age (or I want to HELP them approach the age) where they recognize that there are other people around that they're 1) excluding from the conversation; and 2) may be annoyed by their behavior. To say their behavior is "rude" might be a bit strong... I realize they're just kids... but it certainly is approaching that... and in a few years, it will be "rude". I feel some obligation to at least steer them in the right direction... and I feel like I'm failing at that.

Maybe it comes down to "taking turns" speaking (which we've been working on). Maybe its a simple as telling them, "OK, mommy wants to talk now, so please be quiet".

I'll continue to think about it...

[Anonymous]

OP sorry to break it to you but there's nothing wrong with them. You should work on your tolerance level.
If they're getting too loud just ask them to talk softer but wishing them to talk like adults or just stop being silly is just too much. Let them be children. They're not harming anyone! They're not being rude or inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Dinner time is tough b/c kids can be so overtired, and that comes out as silliness. I think it is appropriate to ask them not to use "bathroom words" at the table. Also appropriate to ask them to use inside voices. But they may not have the focus and self-control at the end of the day to be well-mannered dinner companions.

My suggestion is to keep dinnertime short. Also, you can say no dessert unless you can be appropriate at the dinner table. Dessert for us can just be chocolate milk or hot cocoa.

Also, your kdis sound cute.

[Anonymous]

I bet if you ignore the silliness for a few nights, they will ease up. They know it gets you riled up, so it's being perpetuated.

[Anonymous]

I also think it's fine to tell them to "wait their turn" to talk.

In sum, I think you can and should enforce some rules of good behavior -- no potty talk, inside voices, wait your turn to talk (meaning no interruptions). But accept you'll have all of this sometimes, and go with the flow on the silly, wacky conversation.