Dinner time = Silly time: How do I regain control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry to break it to you but there's nothing wrong with them. You should work on your tolerance level.
If they're getting too loud just ask them to talk softer but wishing them to talk like adults or just stop being silly is just too much. Let them be children. They're not harming anyone! They're not being rude or inappropriate.

I disagree with this PP. At 3.5 and 5.5, they are old enough to learn what constitutes appropriate behavior at the dinner table. OP is not talking about knocking all silliness out of them, 24 hours a day - just the upward spiral of silly/loud/goofy that seems to happen at dinner. Taking turns talking sounds reasonable. Expecting OP to just shut up and sit back while her kids are on a giggling rampage is not reasonable. They ARE old enough to learn table manners. I completely agree that kids should have plenty of time to be kids, but they don't need to be free to act however they want EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.

[Anonymous]

My kid isn't in that age range, but...I think when kids act 'badly' it's often because they want to interact, and don't know how to find a positive way to do so. I like the PP's suggestion of going around the table and everyone saying something about their day. Gives everyone a chance to chime in and also models roughly what adult conversation might look like. But like I say, I'm not there yet.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We have had our girls 4 and 5 - go into potty talk or silliness at dinner. DH looks at me with raised eyebrows because I've normally said that sort of thing was the domain of boys. Anyway, our issue is normally that the silliness interferes with them finishing dinner and it will be going on an hour and they aren't done. So we have had to "threaten to use the kitchen timer". I don't know what it is about that threat. But if we say - 10 minutes to finish dinner and we are setting the timer (on the microwave), they normally say - "no, don't set the timer, we will eat". Usually having the time constraint - dinner goes in trash, dessert opportunity is lost - gets them to focus on food - or at least one of them will focus and without a partner the other one settles down. With the potty talk - if they don't want to listen they would have to excuse themselves from the table and maybe have a short time out. Usually though, it doesn't come to that. If they are just playing off each other and won't calm down - the other thing is to physically separate them. They sit side by side but there are a few times where I think the only way to calm them down is to have one sit by me so they aren't next to each other. Remember how teachers would separate you from your friends in school? We haven't tried this one but I've read somewhere about a technique where someone has a special plate. Here is the article

http://www.washingtonparent.com/articles/0905/pep.php

Finally, the one thing DH and I had to realize is our dinner time has shifted. There was a time that it was our time to catch up with each other on the day but we have had to decrease that. Not only does our oldest one have big ears and you can't mention any sort of details about people without her picking up on it, but the kids will find 1001 excuses to interrupt the conversation to say something random. If you ask them - how is your day, what is your favorite thing about your day etc. - you will get a short answer. Let you get involved with a conversation with each other and you will be bombarded with questions and statements - some having nothing to do with what you and DH are discussing including random tidbits about their day.

Hope that helps. Last suggestion is if there is something fun at the end of dinner. Not that this can happen everyday but maybe we will put on music and play their favorite songs if we are done by a certain time or play a board game. The idea is that they can have "silly time" or more fun but now is the time to finish up dinner.

[Anonymous]

PP here (4 and 5 year old daughters), I forgot to add - our older daughter is a picky eater. We have the rule that she isn't allowed to leave the table until most of us are finished. She doesn't have to eat but the rule is no dessert and she still has to sit at the table. I think if we did let her go to play, our youngest would follow because of course whatever her sister is doing is more fun than being in the kitchen. We also have dessert as an incentive each night. I swear we have 101 junk foods in the house - but whatever. They have a choice of cookies or the gummy type "fruit" snacks, or chips and once a week can pick a lollipop as dessert. As the oldest gives a performance worthy of the stage on why she doesn't want to eat X food, we calmy say, you don't have to eat, you know the rules though - no dessert. After however many minutes, she will usually start eating and want to finish enough for a dessert. We don't make them clean their plates, but they have to eat most. Sometimes the requirement is just that they eat most of one thing and at least some of another. For example all of the carrots and at least try the hamburger for example. We don't cater per say to the oldest, but we will make at least one thing we know she will eat - luckily that covers a few veggies, hamburgers, and pasta without the sauce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry to break it to you but there's nothing wrong with them. You should work on your tolerance level.
If they're getting too loud just ask them to talk softer but wishing them to talk like adults or just stop being silly is just too much. Let them be children. They're not harming anyone! They're not being rude or inappropriate.

I disagree with this PP. At 3.5 and 5.5, they are old enough to learn what constitutes appropriate behavior at the dinner table. OP is not talking about knocking all silliness out of them, 24 hours a day - just the upward spiral of silly/loud/goofy that seems to happen at dinner. Taking turns talking sounds reasonable. Expecting OP to just shut up and sit back while her kids are on a giggling rampage is not reasonable. They ARE old enough to learn table manners. I completely agree that kids should have plenty of time to be kids, but they don't need to be free to act however they want EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.

OP here. Thanks especially to the PP who had the detailed thoughts on how to address this... its very helpful. I hate the idea of setting a timer and rushing them through dinner... but you're absolutely right that part of the problem is that if the silliness goes unchecked, they would still be sitting there at 10:00 at night laughing hysterically, having not eaten, and on the verge of complete meltdowns. It's something to consider!

As to the two posters I've quoted above, I have to say I agree with the second. I recognize that my original post may have given everyone the impression that I expect the kids to have "adult" conversation for all of dinner. I don't. I know they're kids. I know a lot of what interests them these days are things that are silly, and bodily functions. I get it. I really do. Nothing in the original conversation bothers me in isolation. I LIKE laughing at the dinner table (in small doses). I don't mind correcting them when they use potty talk. I recognize that I'll have to keep correcting them for a long time to come... and it really doesn't get me riled. What gets me worked up, and what I think I HAVE to do something about, is what the second poster (above) accurately refers to as the "giggling rampage". Perhaps they are overtired and we need to eat earlier. Perhaps I just need to think about clear directions (like reminding them not to talk when others are talking). So while I recognize that it may be "normal"... I don't think that that means it should necessarily go uncorrected. I will try to take a deep breath and not get so flustered, but I do think some sort of course correction is needed. I agree wholeheartedly with the second poster.... they have 23.5 hours a day where they can be as silly as they want, but they are at an appropriate age that they also need to be taught that they can't act any way they like at any time. Sometimes they have to control themselves (or at least try!).