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Weird situation with former babysitter (long)
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Anonymous
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Hope this post isn't too long. Here is the story: we had a college student who used to babysit regularly for us. I never really liked her all that much personally--nothing awful about her or her fault, simply different types--but our children really liked her and she was reliable and trustworthy. We had loaned her our car key (an extra one) because she would once a week come and pick up our car in order to then go pick up one of our children after school, and I preferred not to leave it in our mailbox or some such. A few months ago, in December, she stopped babysitting for us (this was planned in advance; her second semester schedule changed and we had all agreed on the notice). We all forgot about the car key on her last day. I remembered shortly thereafter and texted her about it, and she readily agreed to bring it by. We played a lot of phone tag and never figured out a convenient time for us to meet here between our schedules, so I finally asked her to leave it in our mailbox. She agreed to do that, but wouldn't you know it, that was the day of the snowstorm, so she texted me that she wasn't comfortable driving and could she do it another day; I said of course. Fast forward to after the snow was all over (a couple of weeks ago). I have since texted her over and over and left several phone messages for her, and she has simply not answered any of them! The phone still has her voice mail, though, so it is her phone. Her not answering is EXTREMELY unlike her--she was always responsible, and on all the other occasions when we were playing phone/text tag out the key she always answered right away. The only explanations I can think of are: something happened to her; she lost her phone; she is all of a sudden not willing to return our car key (maybe she lost it and is embarrassed?). I don't know where she lives or how to reach her other than her phone, but I do know where her part-time off-campus job is (at least where it was as of December--have no idea if she still works there). Should I go to her workplace and see if she is okay and if so, why she hasn't answered my messages? If she lost her phone that would make sense, but why wouldn't she just drop by the ket with a note or something?
Or should I just forget about it? How dangerous is it for one of our car keys to be floating around out there? I mean, it isn't like she is going to steal our car (I hope.  ) Yet for some reason it makes me uncomfortable that it is out there, even though I know that realistically I will probably have to deal with never getting the key back.
What would you all do? Thanks for any advice. |
Anonymous
| Dial *67 before dialing her number and your name and number won't show up on caller ID. If she answers you will know she was avoiding you. |
Anonymous
| She probably either lost it or thinks its too much trouble to get your key to you. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's a big deal. Just forget about it. She probably is busy and figured this whole back and forth was getting annoying and decided just to not return it/throw it out. |
Anonymous
OP again--yes, this is what I would think too, except she only works five minutes from us so it really isn't inconvenient, plus the odd thing is how unlike her this all is--she was always very respsonsible and it really isn't in character for her to just unilaterally decide to not return a car key, especially when she had already agreed to bring it by. Like the idea of *67, I may try that!
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Anonymous
| How is it "out of character" to figure something so silly is not worth her time? Get over it! |
Anonymous
| Not OP, but how is it silly to not return someone else's car key?? This is a car key we are talking about, not something minor. OP, if I were you I would go to where she works (if you can) and ask her. |
Anonymous
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OP again. IMHO it is not "silly" to expect one's borrowed property to be returned, especially when it is not difficult for the borrower to do and when she already said she would do so (though not sure why that is even relevant, given that the item isn't hers to decide whether or not to return it.). Now we don't have the extra car key to lend out to anyone else. Yes, we can pay to get a new one made, but that is the point--we should not have to do that; the person who borrowed it should return it! And it is "out of character" for her to behave as though she wasn't raised right by ignoring messages and not returning it as she said she would, and as the right thing to do is. No, of course this isn't a huge deal in the vast scheme of things, but it is still strange, and regardless of what some of you think, there is nothing "silly" or "wasteful of time" in being a decent person and returning things one has borrowed.
To those of you with helpful advice, thank you. I think I will try the *67 and the going to her workplace. |
Anonymous
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Why don't you just leave her a message and ask her to mail it? It seems like the simplest solution. It's annoying to go somewhere to run a minor errand you can keep putting off (I have something in my hallway I've been meaning to take down the street for ages...). Perhaps she's not eager to see you now that you're her former employer. Sometimes these things take psychological energy you just don't have.
Going to her workplace seems intrusive and frankly somewhat hostile. Your eagerness to get this key back plays a little like you don't trust her and expect her to steal your car. I understand it's a hassle to have another key made, but that's life. |
Anonymous
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OP, I just posted above, and I don't want to seem harsh, but she didn't "borrow" the key. You gave it to her as her employer to perform services for you. It was your responsibility to get it back as part of concluding her employment. It would be nice if she made a special effort to get it back to you, but i don't think you can use it as a metric for whether she's "a decent person."
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Anonymous
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I'd let it go. It wouldn't worry me about a car key.
You can try once more and ask her to stick it in the mail -- she doesn't have to go by your place. I would not go to her place of business. |
Anonymous
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Op again--sorry if I didn't make it clear before (I think I didn't). She did indeed "borrow" the key from me, because she often used our car for short personal errands as well when her babysitting was over; we allowed this for the very reason that she asked and was responsible! Also, in case it wasn't clear, I already left her a message asking her to just leave it our mailbox whenever--i.e. no coordination with us needed. She simply has ignored everything (after previously readily saying she would drop it off). Anyway, thanks again to the constructive posters. I'll just figure out a way to deal with it.
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Anonymous
| OP, please know that if you go to her workplace, or do *67, you're a complete freak. You obviously have something against this girl. Things happen. Maybe she has bigger things in her life going on right now than your dumb car key? She knows where you live, if she intends on returning it, she will. Otherwise, move on with your life. |
Anonymous
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Op again--yes, asking her to mail it is good. I will do that. Don't have much hope that she will at this point, but I will ask!
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Anonymous
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NP here--even if she doesn't want to return it for whatever reason, I agree with OP that it is just plain ill-mannered to ignore messages. She could just tell the OP that she is sorry it has taken this long and she will get around to it (if that is the case). Or if not, then just say so--it's not like the OP can do anything about it either way. Ignoring messages is rude. (Not returning the item is also rude, but I actually think ignoring the messages is worse.)
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