What degree of separation is required to use a name?

[Anonymous]

Expecting third child and now that we are a little older and have kids in preschool, activities, etc., we are coming up hard pressed to find a “unique” name. We obviously won’t use any of our siblings’ children’s names, nor would we use very close friends’ children’s names, but what degree of separation is ok? Friends/ classmates of DC’s? Siblings of DC’s friends?

If this doesn’t make any sense, think DC’s best friend’s brother is named Anderson. We are moderately friendly with the parents. Can we use Anderson? Or, DC has been in an activity with a child for a couple of years and is moving up levels with this child. They are not friends with them outside the activity. The child is named Iris. Can we use Iris? The real names we are the thinking of are along those lines - not common but failrly “normal” names and definitely not someone’s 5 generations old family name.

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and use it. If they ever comment, just say it’s a family name.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with either of those.

[Anonymous]

I never thought this to be an issue and would say go for it, however recently I learned that there are people out there who find issue with this. Two friends in peace corps who now live on different states and talk infrequently, be named their child the same as the other and subsequently big discussions took place around how strange some thought it was. I could have cared less. Just be ready for the potential of some people taking issue with it

[Anonymous]

All of your examples seem fine to me. That said, my DH is annoyed that my sister named her kid the same name as DH's sister's kid. I am not even sure my sister and DH's sister know each other, except for having met at my wedding, but somehow this annoys my husband. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Your child will have this name for a lifetime. It would be really silly to make decisions about it based on preschool friends or activities.

[Anonymous]

You should not name siblings the same name.

If you are divorced, and your ex has remarried, I would avoid naming a child the same name as your ex's child. (and that's only to avoid any problems if you have any overlap with your ex, like mutual friends, etc)

And you might avoid cousins' names or good friends' children's name IF you see them regularly and you have a problem with Johnny J and Johnny S.

Other than that, pretty much any other situation is fine. Don't overthink it. If another parent has a problem with this, they have a problem; you don't.

[Anonymous]

How common is the name? If we are talking Thomas or Sophia, have at it. If it really is a unique name, then think about it a bit and do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Sounds good. I would think off limits is a siblings’ kid or a best friends kid. Maybe on a cousins kid. Everything else is good to go

[Anonymous]

If it’s a unique or uncommon name, I think using the name of anyone (or their kid) who you interact with regularly is a bit weird and would be off-putting for many.

If it’s Elizabeth, Olivia, Michael, Mia, etc etc — don’t worry about it at all.

Anderson would give me pause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child will have this name for a lifetime. It would be really silly to make decisions about it based on preschool friends or activities.

This is a good point. While these people play bit parts in your life now its unlikely they will stay for the long haul. Think of your own pre-school/elementary school playmates. I bet you are not close with any of them now.

[Anonymous]

Everything in your second paragraph is fine. Stop overthinking it. But don't name your kid Iris.

[Anonymous]

No name is off limits and if you love the name go for it! I do think it’s probably best to avoid naming your kid the same name as a close family member’s kid, or a close friend’s kid, or your current pet.

when I say “close” family member I mean any family member—sibling/cousin, etc—who is close to your age/has kids close to your kids’ ages and with whom you are close enough to see/talk to multiple times per year...if it’s for example a half sibling who is say 20 years older than you and whose kids are teens already or a cousin you never see/interact w or something I think using the same name is actually still fine! I know of families like this where adult siblings and cousins are very spread apart in age and geographically and use the same names for their kids. In fact in my own family there are 2 male first cousins (so siblings’ kids) w the same name. They even grew up seeing each other often and are close in age and it still wasn’t a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I used the same name as a college friend who I am still in contact with, but I never see. Oh well! The kids may never even meet.

When my friend had his son I was crushed he’d used my favorite name. Not that he knew that! But I still used it for my son 5 years later.

[Anonymous]

If the parents of a good friend of my six year son, Anderson, decided to name their baby boy Anderson, I’d think it was pretty weird. Unless it was the mother’s maiden name, or the name of a grandfather.

But does it really matter what I think? As others have remarked, in two years, I will move, my Anderson will decide he’s not interested in soccer anymore, or you’ll decide to move your kids to private school. And we won’t see each other very much anymore.