My mother keeps saying that she wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

I don't know how to respond or what to do. I am 40 and my parents are fighting. My father is very controlling and does not want my mother to speak to me. He allows her to see my children but only at their house (I am always present). She tries to speak with me, but if he is around, he screams over me and even assaulted me yesterday to get me to stop talking with her. He punched a hole in the wall recently and convinced her to tell everyone that someone else did it. She told me that she is keeping another house in just her name. I don't know what to do. I don't want to disallow the children to see her. He threatens to make her sell the house that they share and move with him somewhere that she does not want to go. He threatens me and tells me that he will sell their house so that I can't inherit it. I have never asked to have their house. The pandemic has made this much worse. They are isolated and only with each other unless I see them with the children. They are in their early 70s. He won't allow her to get the covid vaccine. He has told her a lot of things to make her afraid to get it. I tried to help her sign up to get it but she is afraid to do it.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a marriage that is over. Can you mother stay with you while she consults a lawyer and gets a divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She says she won't do that. She will only go to her own house. She has a home in her name only that she can go to.

He has made her very suspicious of me but when he is not around she acts very different and that is when she tells me she wants a divorce.

He does not want one. He told her that I am making her think this but I have never said a word to her about it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she needs help getting out of a dangerous situation with your violent dad. I'd be researching local women's shelters (for advice and guidance) and helping her plan her physical escape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She says she won't do that. She will only go to her own house. She has a home in her name only that she can go to.

He has made her very suspicious of me but when he is not around she acts very different and that is when she tells me she wants a divorce.

He does not want one. He told her that I am making her think this but I have never said a word to her about it.

But she can- she will get half their savings. If she buys it now before a divorce, he might try to claim half of it.

You could rent her an apartment?

[Anonymous]

Has he always been like this, or is this sort of behaviour new?

[Anonymous]

Your mother is being held hostage and being abused. Please get her out before your father kills her.

[Anonymous]

Is he your biological father? Are you not able to stand up to him and tell him to cut it out. It sounds like he assaulted you and you did nothing about it.

I honestly doubt she will leave. All you can do is be supportive of her if she does, but it sounds like she is just venting when she says she wants a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She says she won't do that. She will only go to her own house. She has a home in her name only that she can go to.

He has made her very suspicious of me but when he is not around she acts very different and that is when she tells me she wants a divorce.

He does not want one. He told her that I am making her think this but I have never said a word to her about it.

But she can- she will get half their savings. If she buys it now before a divorce, he might try to claim half of it.

You could rent her an apartment?

She inherited the house. It's in a trust. He is not on the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he your biological father? Are you not able to stand up to him and tell him to cut it out. It sounds like he assaulted you and you did nothing about it.

I honestly doubt she will leave. All you can do is be supportive of her if she does, but it sounds like she is just venting when she says she wants a divorce.

Yes. I told him to stop shouting over me when I tried to speak to my mother. That is when he hurt me. I took a photo of the bruise. My mother made him leave. My husband saw.

I don't know what I can do about that. He will just say that I did it to myself.

I don't think she will really leave. He has been controlling like this for their entire marriage. I just don't know how to help her or even if I can. I can't let my family see him hurt me again. But I don't want to cut her off from her grandchildren and me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he your biological father? Are you not able to stand up to him and tell him to cut it out. It sounds like he assaulted you and you did nothing about it.

I honestly doubt she will leave. All you can do is be supportive of her if she does, but it sounds like she is just venting when she says she wants a divorce.

Yes. I told him to stop shouting over me when I tried to speak to my mother. That is when he hurt me. I took a photo of the bruise. My mother made him leave. My husband saw.

I don't know what I can do about that. He will just say that I did it to myself.

I don't think she will really leave. He has been controlling like this for their entire marriage. I just don't know how to help her or even if I can. I can't let my family see him hurt me again. But I don't want to cut her off from her grandchildren and me.

You honestly sound like someone with Stockholm Syndrome OP. Please get therapy and join ACOA. Call the cops when he is violent--did your husband do anything to protect you or is your husband also violent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he your biological father? Are you not able to stand up to him and tell him to cut it out. It sounds like he assaulted you and you did nothing about it.

I honestly doubt she will leave. All you can do is be supportive of her if she does, but it sounds like she is just venting when she says she wants a divorce.

Yes. I told him to stop shouting over me when I tried to speak to my mother. That is when he hurt me. I took a photo of the bruise. My mother made him leave. My husband saw.

I don't know what I can do about that. He will just say that I did it to myself.

I don't think she will really leave. He has been controlling like this for their entire marriage. I just don't know how to help her or even if I can. I can't let my family see him hurt me again. But I don't want to cut her off from her grandchildren and me.

You have a picture and witnesses. You can file a restraining order or go to the police. It's not his word against yours.

I would have your mom talk to some domestic violence counselors. If the house is in her name, she should contact a lawyer and then kick him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how to respond or what to do. I am 40 and my parents are fighting. My father is very controlling and does not want my mother to speak to me. He allows her to see my children but only at their house (I am always present). She tries to speak with me, but if he is around, he screams over me and even assaulted me yesterday to get me to stop talking with her. He punched a hole in the wall recently and convinced her to tell everyone that someone else did it. She told me that she is keeping another house in just her name. I don't know what to do. I don't want to disallow the children to see her. He threatens to make her sell the house that they share and move with him somewhere that she does not want to go. He threatens me and tells me that he will sell their house so that I can't inherit it. I have never asked to have their house. The pandemic has made this much worse. They are isolated and only with each other unless I see them with the children. They are in their early 70s. He won't allow her to get the covid vaccine. He has told her a lot of things to make her afraid to get it. I tried to help her sign up to get it but she is afraid to do it.

Is he in early stages of dementia? He's 60-80 correct? Personality change often comes with early stage dementia.

[Anonymous]

If this were me I think I’d take my mother to my house to keep her safe and call the police re the assault.

[Anonymous]

#1- grandchildren are not allowed to go to their house when this is going on. Men do not assault their daughters.