Eating dinner with toddlers -how important is it?

[Anonymous]

We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

[Anonymous]

I’m curious about responses from parents with older kids.

OP, we have a preschooler and still do what you do: she eats dinner early, then we do bath/bedtime, then DH and I do a relaxing dinner just the two of us.

It’s not like we aren’t spending her dinner time together— she sits at the counter and one of us usually sits next to her while the other works in dinner. We talk and connect, it’s just DH and I are usually just having a drink, not eating.

Fir a while I was worried about not instilling healthy eating habits, but with the pandemic we eat all our other meals together and DD actually helps us with a lot of meal prep, so I am less concerned that we don’t eat dinner as a family. It also tends to be her most challenging meal if the day because she’s dropped her nap and starts to get a little challenging by 6pm. It really doesn’t feel like we’d get much out of a family meal at that point.

But I’m interested in what others have done. We definitely like the idea of eating dinner as a family, and want to transition to that, but don’t feel ready yet. We’re thinking once she’s actually going to school 5 days a week, it will make more sense and we’ll want that time. But that’s probably at least a year away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

I think it's super important, but I think you can also sit and eat a small portion with your kid, and have a real meal later with your DH as well.

[Anonymous]

Mom of older kids here:I think it's important and you should start to get to that part soon. No one wants to eat at 5, so maybe try 6 and then as the kids get older, gradually move it to the time you want to eat. It gets harder to do when kids get older so you should take advantage of the time now (because they are young and because covid means everyone is always home) to get into the routine.

[Anonymous]

PP here- also - it's a miracle when there is only one dinner and one clean up - I know it seems great to eat with your DH later, but it's actually twice the amount of work. Try it.

[Anonymous]

My kid is only 1, so whether it’s important or matters later I can’t speak to. But I will share what we do now because it working really well in case you opt to try for family dinner.

We do bedtime at 8pm, wake up at 8am. I know a lot of people do more like 7-7, but this has worked so well for us, particularly around dinner. My husband is the cook, so I’m on baby duty always starting at 6:15pm. If it’s bath day, this is also when I do bath time. Then we sit down at 7 for family dinner. Bedtime routine at 7:45, in bed at 8. We do a pretty big “snack” (it’s really a meal) at 4:30, so he’s fine to wait till 7 for dinner.

Anyway, you might consider shifting his sleep schedule (slowly - maybe 15 mins at a time over a few weeks?) and trying this. We’ve been doing it since he was prob 7 months old and it’s really become a fav part of the day for all of us.

We’ll see how well it holds up when his baby brother arrives in a few months! Certainly, if it’s too much especially with an infant, I wouldn’t stress about it, but so far so good.

[Anonymous]

You can "mark" dinner with a toddler, then eat later. Have cheese, crackers, or crudité with them for a family meal, then grown-ups eat later.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 3 and 5 and in the past year or so, we've been able to sit down as a family for dinner. We all eat around 5:45 and the kids finish up around 6:30. We try to sit down together for that time, but the kids are slow eaters so I don't sit down with them the whole time. For the most part, we eat the same foods.

When my youngest was an infant, I was too focused on helping him eat or taking care of him, so I often didn't eat dinner until after his bedtime. My advice would be to try to set a routine for the evening where you can sit down at the table together for even a few minutes (even if you don't eat at that time). It should get easier once your youngest is older.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how to judge importance but we never ate dinner with our kids until they were in school and they’re happy, healthy teens now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how to judge importance but we never ate dinner with our kids until they were in school and they’re happy, healthy teens now.

Mine's only 7 but same. We eat together now: we did not when she was a toddler, except at restaurants and even then it was basically eating in shifts.

I think there is some value in letting them try food from your plate -- but you can do that at breakfast or lunch, on a weekend if that's how it goes. Agree with PPs that you're still sitting with them when they eat and engaging.

[Anonymous]

We do the same thing. One of us sits with DS (2.5) while he eats and talks to him. Having a relaxing dinner with my DH is really important for us right now given how stressful everything is. It’s our time to talk and be grownups. I can’t imagine this will have long term devastating consequences.

[Anonymous]

We have eaten dinner as a family since my DD was a baby - she is 9 now. That was also the way I was raised. Yes there were rough years when she struggled at dinner and my DH wondered if we would ever have a dinner that didn't involve tears. But it's our routine and it really gives us time to come together. When she was younger we would cook quick meals and eat around 6/6:30 then she would go straight to bed. You'll soon find that your toddler stays up later and eating after they go to bed becomes an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's so important now. But will the timing actually improve? As they get a little older, in elementary school, is it likely to improve? I guess with a later bedtime for them. This is a bit of an extreme example ... I was expected to be at the dinner table when my Father came home. I had eaten hours before. But I sat with him, talking around the table while he ate his dinner (to be honest it was usually 9pm and they kept me up late so I could see him, every night, or else I probably wouldn't have seen him on weeknights at all)

Anyway, *the eating* is not the important part. The togetherness is. And the routine is comforting.

You can probably works towards that. But if what's needed -- more -- is quality time between you and your husband together, alone, embrace what you intuitively know is the most important. What's good for the marriage, is good for the family.

[Anonymous]

4 and 2 year old here. We’ve eaten together since birth. Babies used to sit near us in bassinets, then later high chairs. I can’t think of a dinner that kids ate without one of us (sometimes dh’s work runs late).

Back before covid I could tell at restaurants and play dates whose kids are dinner at the table and who just got food thrown at them at kids tables. The former sat well, waited for others to finish eating and joined the conversation.

Dh and I ate dinner with our parents every night growing up too. And I know my parents ate dinner with their parents too. We eat at 6pm (and yes I work. I log back on at 8pm when the kids are asleep)

[Anonymous]

It's not at all important. I am amazed at how blindly people follow what they think of as "advice" without looking at the origination of it, and the reasoning of it.