Eating dinner with toddlers -how important is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens now. Let me assure you that eating schedules during toddlerhood do not matter AT ALL. They are hungry at like 5. Just let them eat. Family dinner is for talking over your day when they get older.

+100 we didn’t eat with the kids until they got older. Neither is a picker eater, neither does drugs, gets bad grades or is pregnant.
Your kids will be fine if you don’t eat with them and you may stay saner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

At those ages I did whatever worked, usually feeding the kids before us because it was so much work. Now my kids are 3 and 5, and we often sit down together at the same time. Family dinner is nicer when the kids can sit at the table in their own chair, stay seated throughout the meal, and feed themselves. It's also fun to introduce our kids to different foods. Tonight we had fondue and everybody used their own fondue fork, which is something we couldn't have all done 18 months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never ate dinner at a separate time from our kids. Dinner time was dinner time— for everyone. It wasn’t at 5 pm and there wasn’t “kid food” and “adult food.” There was (& is) just dinner. We aren’t strict at all, but we just never did meals, etc separately (nor were DH or I raised that way).

What time is that? We always had at least one adult who didn’t get home til 6:30 or 7. That was just too late. Are people leaving work at 5 or before? I mean pre pandemic. Both parents? How do you afford DC??

We are just like PP above. DS who is now 6 always ate with us, even as a toddler in his high chair. But his bedtime has always been 7:30-8pm, usually more towards 8pm. We eat around 6:30-7pm.

We live in DC, just north of Capitol Hill, by H St NE. No one we know gets home at 6:30 or 7. Maybe because the commute is short and not 45 minutes plus like in upper NW.

6:30-7 is pretty normal for big firm lawyers even if you have a short commute.... not sure what your community does for a living. And OMG lecturing on upper NW. your neighborhood did not exist for white people until I was 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

I think it's super important, but I think you can also sit and eat a small portion with your kid, and have a real meal later with your DH as well.

This is terrible advice.

Your health is not less important than eating dinner with your toddler. If you connect with them while they eat that should be enough for now. Don't add an extra and uneccessary snack/meal.

I eat dinner with my 8 and 5 year olds. If I am not hungry(it happens sometimes if I "tasted" too much while cooking), I sit there, chat and drink water. I don't force food down my throat to show my kids that I eat dinner. They know that I do because they see me it throughout the day.

Don't teach your kids that you need food to connect with them. Sure, it's more convenient to connect during meal times than to create extra time. However, in your situaition, dinner is just not the best time. So you connect when they are eating, and you eat later. Things will probably change in the near future. And even if they don't, you will still be fine connecting with them without the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For years, we fed the kids first (generally leftovers), put them to bed, and then cooked and had a nice, relaxing dinner. It was glorious, and I highly recommend it. When they got into a school schedule (they were 4 and 5) we started doing family dinners. We did eat breakfast and lunch together on the weekends.

I know many, many people that have done it that way.

This is sad. You cooked fresh for yourself and gave your kids leftovers?

You must have a really good life if these are the kinds of things that make you sad. Be thankful.

We(my family and pretty much all my extended family) cook huge batches of food on the weekends. We eat the leftovers throughout the week.

[Anonymous]

My H and I have a drink and "appetizer" with my kids. Then we have a real dinner after they are in bed. We do make them fresh healthy food and it's usually what we eat but earlier.

Eating dinner is VERY important if you literally spend no time with your kids AT ALL. Many men especially don't even see their kids until dinner then mom does bedtime, so when would they see their kids if they did not do dinner. That's not how our house is run so it's not as important to us, but it's important to check in with the kids daily.

If you are fully engaged in your children's lives, dinner is less important.

Now that my kids are in college (and when they were in HS) it was very important to me to have 3 dinners together a week because there is little opportunity to "check in" with them. They played sports 3 seasons so they were home from HS around 7-8, quickly ate and then had homework until 10-11. The drive themselves so there isn't even that time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For years, we fed the kids first (generally leftovers), put them to bed, and then cooked and had a nice, relaxing dinner. It was glorious, and I highly recommend it. When they got into a school schedule (they were 4 and 5) we started doing family dinners. We did eat breakfast and lunch together on the weekends.

I know many, many people that have done it that way.

This is sad. You cooked fresh for yourself and gave your kids leftovers?

You must have a really good life if these are the kinds of things that make you sad. Be thankful.

We(my family and pretty much all my extended family) cook huge batches of food on the weekends. We eat the leftovers throughout the week.

Yes there is a weird aversion to leftovers and a lot of people equate them with being cheap or poor, which is weird to me. Our leftovers are the food we carefully prepared in our home? With good ingredients. Why would that be inferior?

I’d much rather give my child leftovers than Mac and cheese from a box, frozen nuggets, or any of the other processed foods many people prepare “fresh” for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never ate dinner at a separate time from our kids. Dinner time was dinner time— for everyone. It wasn’t at 5 pm and there wasn’t “kid food” and “adult food.” There was (& is) just dinner. We aren’t strict at all, but we just never did meals, etc separately (nor were DH or I raised that way).

What time is that? We always had at least one adult who didn’t get home til 6:30 or 7. That was just too late. Are people leaving work at 5 or before? I mean pre pandemic. Both parents? How do you afford DC??

We are just like PP above. DS who is now 6 always ate with us, even as a toddler in his high chair. But his bedtime has always been 7:30-8pm, usually more towards 8pm. We eat around 6:30-7pm.

We live in DC, just north of Capitol Hill, by H St NE. No one we know gets home at 6:30 or 7. Maybe because the commute is short and not 45 minutes plus like in upper NW.

We live in the burbs, our commute is 15-30 minutes (H 15, me 30) ... I work 7-3:30 and home by 4.

My H worked 8-4 home by 4:15.

[Anonymous]

I think having at least one meal together as family is important maybe not now but as your kids grow up. Gives you time to connect as one family unit.

[Anonymous]

Making good the center of your interactions with your kids is not important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s important to spend time together as a family. If you do this at other times then dinner is not that important. If you both work though and your kids are with a caregiver then it’s important. My kid is 8 now and had a friend over for dinner last week. The friend said it was so nice to have family dinner at a table with us because she never had family meals at her house. Broke my heart.

Did you eat outside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine aren’t that much older (9, 7, and 5) but, yes, I do think it’s important. Kids need to learn early to eat what you eat, and what’s on the table. Our kids know that family dinners are important and generally, they eat what they’re served. We’ve had dinners as a family, most nights, since our first was born. Weekends DH and I eat later, but one or both of us sit at the table while the kids eat, typically, and we talk. I don’t think it’s the only factor, but our kids are fantastic about eating vegetables, tofu, and all manner of things—and I do think that having that as an expectation from a young age (and seeing DH and I eating those things) helps.

Family dinner with a newborn? Someone gag me right now.

OP--just do what you can and please stop worrying about family dinner.

I know, the horror of a married couple wanting to enjoy each other’s company over a meal, while their newborn chills in the bouncer or on one of their laps.

[Anonymous]

Does not matter even a little bit. My kids cannot remember a single thing that happened to them before age 3. If eating later with dh makes you calmer, happier, or improves your relationship with dh, that is going to have a much greater effect on their well being than dinner together.

I have older kids and we eat together every night—but there would hardly ever be a chance to talk with teens if not at dinner. It’s not like life with little kids where you are with them every minute anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does not matter even a little bit. My kids cannot remember a single thing that happened to them before age 3. If eating later with dh makes you calmer, happier, or improves your relationship with dh, that is going to have a much greater effect on their well being than dinner together.

I have older kids and we eat together every night—but there would hardly ever be a chance to talk with teens if not at dinner. It’s not like life with little kids where you are with them every minute anyway.

Memory is tied to language development. Asking your young kids about their experiences has been proven to help them develop early, lasting memories. Family dinners could be an excellent venue for those types of conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine aren’t that much older (9, 7, and 5) but, yes, I do think it’s important. Kids need to learn early to eat what you eat, and what’s on the table. Our kids know that family dinners are important and generally, they eat what they’re served. We’ve had dinners as a family, most nights, since our first was born. Weekends DH and I eat later, but one or both of us sit at the table while the kids eat, typically, and we talk. I don’t think it’s the only factor, but our kids are fantastic about eating vegetables, tofu, and all manner of things—and I do think that having that as an expectation from a young age (and seeing DH and I eating those things) helps.

Family dinner with a newborn? Someone gag me right now.

OP--just do what you can and please stop worrying about family dinner.

I know, the horror of a married couple wanting to enjoy each other’s company over a meal, while their newborn chills in the bouncer or on one of their laps.

The horror that they think that is helping their child's development through "family dinner." The baby has no clue what is going on and would not be deprived if you at after he/she were sleeping.