No romantic partner overnights with kids

[Anonymous]

What are your thoughts about the morality clause in some divorce decrees that say no romantic partners can stay overnight when you have the kids? Assuming it's very vague with no times (what is an overnight?) or defining language about future marriages (as in, if you get married only then can you have the kids overnight with a 'romantic partner'.)

And does it mess up the ability to travel with the dating partner? Like say you want to go skiiing and stay in house all together with both sets of kids? Assuming this is a LTR.

[Anonymous]

Stop controlling your ex. And, do you really want them controlling you as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop controlling your ex. And, do you really want them controlling you as well?

To be clear - I don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop controlling your ex. And, do you really want them controlling you as well?

To be clear - I don't want it.

Then tell the other person no and move on. If its an issue, let the judge decide.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. This is an absurd request and not actually in the best interest of the kids. Having a healthy relationship with stepparents is great. -kid of divorced parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. This is an absurd request and not actually in the best interest of the kids. Having a healthy relationship with stepparents is great. -kid of divorced parents

new poster here
But this isn't about "step parents" which would mean legal marriage. This is about "romantic partners" which could be a one night stand, frequent booty call, etc.

[Anonymous]

What age are the kids?

[Anonymous]

My opinion? It's the kind of bullshit a former partner throws in as a last grasp at controlling their ex.

[Anonymous]

I do know some divorced parents who are continually meeting "the one", immediately have that person spend a ton of time with the kid/s, then break up and do it again. I think that is really messed up. Personally, I want to being seeing someone for at least 6 months before they meet my kid, and then take it slow in terms of spending time together with the kid. Morality clauses are weird. I'd rather my ex had someone stay over once a month than having that person spend every daytime moment with my kid. I don't care if my kid knows that their parent has sex, but I think it is a problem if my kid sees that they come 2nd to any romantic interest.

Does your ex want super open-ended language? I would not be good with that, but maybe you could compromise by developing more kid-centered language?

[Anonymous]

It’s stupid and mostly unenforceable. Don’t agree to it. My custody agreement with my ex is silent on the matter of romantic partners, and it’s worked out mostly fine (granted my ex is also angry/jealous that I’m married now and is trying to teach our child to hate my husband - we split over 11years ago so ex needs to get a life).

[Anonymous]

We have one of these clauses -- have to be dating for a year before having a romantic partner overnight with kids -- and frankly I don't remember giving it much thought at the time. My lawyer put it in there, so I figured it was standard. I'm very glad to have it, as my ex has asked for my permission to "break" the clause for multiple women that he has been seeing. I'm glad my kids are not exposed to that mess. And I'm fine waiting the year. Seems reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think they are very enforceable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one of these clauses -- have to be dating for a year before having a romantic partner overnight with kids -- and frankly I don't remember giving it much thought at the time. My lawyer put it in there, so I figured it was standard. I'm very glad to have it, as my ex has asked for my permission to "break" the clause for multiple women that he has been seeing. I'm glad my kids are not exposed to that mess. And I'm fine waiting the year. Seems reasonable to me.

As others have said, how can something like this be enforced? I think most people agree that exposing children to a revolving door of unknown romantic partners is not a good idea.

On the other hand, when does the "one year" clock begin ticking?

Let's say parent knows someone for several years as a friend/frequent acquaintance. Maybe the person already knows you and your kids from other activities like school, sports, church, etc. You start out with a couple of casual dinners or drinks here or there. It then happens on a more regular basis. Friend begins visiting your house and hanging out, having dinner with all of you or doing activities together.

So when does the one-year dating rule take effect in a situation like this? When does "romantic partner" officially occur? Is it the first date? First kiss? First sexual encounter? Who is going to police this? Can the ex demand some sort of proof?

I can't even imagine a judge trying to muddle through this crap.

[Anonymous]

It protects children from predators. How many children are abused by mom's boyfriend? So very many.

[Anonymous]

The best possible option, as difficult as it may be, is to have a good enough relationship with your ex to be able to co-parent--that involves open discussions. Hopefully both mom and dad understand that seeing a parent share a bed with someone other than a parent can be difficult for a child of a wide age range. It's important not to try to control the other person, but to try to reason with them. So much comes into play--age of kids, length of time post divorce, etc. I know some couples who have divorced and do an amazing job of co-parenting. It can be done.