I think I’m the “weird mom”

[Anonymous]

I am paranoid that the other moms in my child’s age cohort don’t like me, or think I’m weird. I always feel like the odd person out. When I try to set up play dates (outdoor, masked, which I know others are doing) the timing never works. I get randomly left out of things. For instance, I have been looking for a nanny share for my DS, who is 3, since the holidays when we found out our previous childcare would not be able to continue in the spring. I posted to our neighborhood list and sent an email to the moms I know, just letting people know we were looking. Well we are still looking but I know of multiple families with same-age kids who have set up shares since then. I get that sometimes there are other factors involved, but it seems weird that several families we know were working on shares, knew we were in the market, and didn’t even mention it.

I know I’m probably being overly sensitive about this. And I know Covid makes this trickier. But it really feels like maybe other moms don’t like me or think I’m weird and therefore aren’t interested in doing things with DS or our family. I’ve always felt a little awkward in life, but have also always found my place. But I feel so isolated now and am afraid my awkwardness is going to mess things up for my son (who is wonderful and easy to be around).

What do I do about this, if anything? Will it resolve on its own once DS starts school? I don’t mind being a loner but I don’t want to force that on him.

[Anonymous]

In what ways are you weird? Do you have tattoos on your face? Do you pick your nose in public and claim everyone does it? Do you chew your child's food for him a la Alicia Silverstone? Is your spouse a mail order husband?

[Anonymous]

He will be fine! Covid just makes everything so f-zing hard.

What’s most important is that you do things that make you happy; have light socializing when things get back to normal (like short conversations with neighbors or other parents).

Maybe you’ll have a group of mom friends, maybe not. But keep doing things you enjoy and be happy and your son will see that—and other people will respect it.

I think the pressure in DC to have a social circle is counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what ways are you weird? Do you have tattoos on your face? Do you pick your nose in public and claim everyone does it? Do you chew your child's food for him a la Alicia Silverstone? Is your spouse a mail order husband?

No. I am pretty run of the mill in those respects. But I have a somewhat awkward personality and often feel kind of out of step with other people. Like I’ll say “wow, X aspect of parenting is really hard” and everyone else will say they have no idea what I’m talking about. I also feel like we are the odd ones out for having one kid when most people around here have multiple, and because I work PT (do I don’t feel like I got in with the working moms or the SAHMs).

I don’t feel like people think I’m a bad person. Just that they seem to find me kind of off and gravitate towards other parents.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. You sound lovely, introspective, and kind. My kids are teens now, but I recall how cliques would form among the preschool moms. I found my tribe eventually (once the kids hit elementary school it gets easier, but there are always a group of moms who are kind of the Queen Bees). Good luck, and stay strong. There are others like you out there, and in my experience, those peeps may well be more quirky, shy, and interesting. If your son is outgoing, nothing you do is going to hold him back, so no worries there. I found it took a long time to make meaningful connections among the Mom Set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. You sound lovely, introspective, and kind. My kids are teens now, but I recall how cliques would form among the preschool moms. I found my tribe eventually (once the kids hit elementary school it gets easier, but there are always a group of moms who are kind of the Queen Bees). Good luck, and stay strong. There are others like you out there, and in my experience, those peeps may well be more quirky, shy, and interesting. If your son is outgoing, nothing you do is going to hold him back, so no worries there. I found it took a long time to make meaningful connections among the Mom Set.

OP here. Thank you for this. In the past I always find my groove eventually but with the whole mom socializing thing, I feel like it’s taking a lot longer than normal. I don’t want a clique, but I just want to feel accepted by the moms in my area and not always feel like I’m the odd one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what ways are you weird? Do you have tattoos on your face? Do you pick your nose in public and claim everyone does it? Do you chew your child's food for him a la Alicia Silverstone? Is your spouse a mail order husband?

No. I am pretty run of the mill in those respects. But I have a somewhat awkward personality and often feel kind of out of step with other people. Like I’ll say “wow, X aspect of parenting is really hard” and everyone else will say they have no idea what I’m talking about. I also feel like we are the odd ones out for having one kid when most people around here have multiple, and because I work PT (do I don’t feel like I got in with the working moms or the SAHMs).

I don’t feel like people think I’m a bad person. Just that they seem to find me kind of off and gravitate towards other parents.

Eh, you're fine then. Keep reaching out to new people and you'll find the right ones for you eventually. Post on like ... Next Door for a nanny share. And maybe add to existing conversations rather than starting your own with new people in the beginning so you're not bringing up something nobody else relates to.

[Anonymous]

You seem lovely, fwiw. You’ll find your groove. If I meet you, I’ll be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. You sound lovely, introspective, and kind. My kids are teens now, but I recall how cliques would form among the preschool moms. I found my tribe eventually (once the kids hit elementary school it gets easier, but there are always a group of moms who are kind of the Queen Bees). Good luck, and stay strong. There are others like you out there, and in my experience, those peeps may well be more quirky, shy, and interesting. If your son is outgoing, nothing you do is going to hold him back, so no worries there. I found it took a long time to make meaningful connections among the Mom Set.

OP here. Thank you for this. In the past I always find my groove eventually but with the whole mom socializing thing, I feel like it’s taking a lot longer than normal. I don’t want a clique, but I just want to feel accepted by the moms in my area and not always feel like I’m the odd one out.

I felt the same as you OP when my kids were in preschool because I was 10+ years younger then the other moms. They were more put together and more successful also (even the stay at home mom were always put together). I eventually found my group too with younger parents (albeit still successful and put together).
In your case I think that the number (and age) of kids could be a deciding factor. I have 3 kids and I usually get along better with moms with 3 kids (of similar ages). Multiples’ mom are generally more easy going in my opinion and it’s good to have one friend for each sibling. Once your son grows up a bit, he will choose his friends and you will hang out with those families more... at least that is our experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound a lot like me and I sure hope for the best for both of us. My DD is 2.5 and in full-time daycare, and I work full-time (from home for the most part right now), but we moved into the area as the pandemic started. I knew mommy-friend making was going to be difficult for me anyway and this sure hasn't helped.

I feel like once we're someday back to more normal socializing and my girl is a little older, I'm going to be able to pretty easily spot the moms I can connect with. The ones who have a sense of humor, the ones who don't take everything so seriously and aren't trying to one-up each other all the time. I want none of that and will not participate in it even if it means I have to be a little more lonely than I'd like. I hope not though!

Any chance you're near Silver Spring, MD? My kid will play outside with your kid

[Anonymous]

I had a really hard time making "real" mom friends when my kids were in preschool. Lots of pleasant conversations but no real follow up. Once we hit elementary, though, I found a great group of friends and it has made a big difference. Hang in there! It's like high school v. college, I think. (And I was definitely a college person the first time around too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a really hard time making "real" mom friends when my kids were in preschool. Lots of pleasant conversations but no real follow up. Once we hit elementary, though, I found a great group of friends and it has made a big difference. Hang in there! It's like high school v. college, I think. (And I was definitely a college person the first time around too).

Agree! I had a very difficult time making parent friends when the kids were in preschool and was really confused and upset by that. I’d always have nice convos when I went to the birthday parties with my kids but there was very little follow up, even as I initiated. We had one couple friend from that era, who we would sometimes do weekend family activities with and have fun, but even they have trickled off since the kids are in different schools and they don’t live that close anyway (and they are opposite sex kids). In retrospect, even tho I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t connect with moms at the time... I have come to realize that parenting very young kids, one with sensory processing disorder, for me, was exhausting. I was not a natural seeming mom, but liked to think I was, so that might have sent out confusing messages to people. I was a little scattered and off sometimes. I have finally let it go. But I had a lot of confusion/sadness over it for too long. Things started to change in elementary school for me. Parenting older kids has, for me, been much easier and I am more together for other stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP I can relate. I've been like this my whole life!

I think I finally figured part of it out, just in the past few weeks. I think I just try too hard. And I think people find that to be fake, when really I'm genuine and just a bit awkward.

I'm trying to be friendly but also more casual.

Most my friends come from situations where people are stuck seeing me over a long period of time (book groups, running groups etc). I think it's because I eventually relax and act normal.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I hate socializing with other moms. I’m so glad to have a nanny who can do that for me 😀 and make playdates and the like. I don’t mind chit-chatting during birthday parties, and I have my own friends who I like to hang out with

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's not you but your kid. Is he or she a brat? Difficult? Too overbearing?