I think I’m the “weird mom”

[Anonymous]

I'm totally weird but other kids really like my kid so it all works out! I was even president of the PTA for a while so everyone got to see my weirdness a LOT for a while there.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like me. I often say weird or awkward things and I've never been part of the cool mom club. You'll find your tribe of other weirdos who make you feel good about yourself. It may not be through your son, and that's ok, because once they get older they start doing things like playdates without parents coming along, so it isn't necessary for you to be friends with his friends' parents.

Also, COVID has made things hard. I have friends I barely talk to now because they are doing indoor playdates and they know we don't do them so we don't get invited to anything anymore. They're still friendly when we see each other, and I'm hoping at some point we can restore our friendships, but it's REALLY hard not being able to spend time with people like before. I'm not a great texter (see, weird/awkward statements above, which are only worse over text!) and I rarely have time to talk on the phone, so many of my friendships are wilting on the vine right now. Again, just hoping they can bloom again once we're all vaccinated.

Good luck to you, I promise there are lots of people out there like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not you but your kid. Is he or she a brat? Difficult? Too overbearing?

Sadly, this was my first thought as well. Maybe it isn't mom but it is the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not you but your kid. Is he or she a brat? Difficult? Too overbearing?

Sadly, this was my first thought as well. Maybe it isn't mom but it is the kid.

I know a family like this.

Parents are very nice people, but both kids are impossible. lol

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m very similar to you. I have a weird personality. Not just me saying that, but truly, I’ve struggled to make friends my entire life. I took one of those personality tests at the advice of a therapist and ended up INTJ no matter how many different ways I took the test (I tried to have more of a sunny outlook when usually I’m relatively gloomy). I struggle with small talk, I’m very matter of fact, and at one point I even thought I was on the spectrum (I’m not). My advice to you is try making one or two friends, instead of trying to fit in with a group. And make those friends based on common interests, not kids. I’ve had two close friends my entire life (who are similar to me) and the rest as acquaintances. As I get older and my kids get older, I find myself getting less hung up about mom cliques.

[Anonymous]

I'm a weird mom too! Let's hang out!

[Anonymous]

Another weird mom here. I'm a quirky person and always have been. I'm also painfully shy and anxious, and quiet, and it's combined with being conventionally attractive. So while I stand there trying to figure out what to say, overthink every word and worry I'm being awkward or annoying, people decide I must be a cold mean girl snob. And I get dismissed.

So, yeah. No playdates, no neighborhood mom friends. Thankfully I have an extroverted husband and very extroverted kids who don't need me to help them make friends. We get invited places because people like them. But I constantly feel guilty that I just can't seem to get it together and do better.

[Anonymous]

My general advice is that it can take time, years not months, to find a good fit with other parents. I've had trouble fitting in many times in my life and I now just take the long-range view - eventually you will find a likeminded tribe. I tend to try to break in by being helpful, which works, and then see who has common interests. Here are a couple of ideas that may or may not fit your style:

--This won't help you fit in, exactly, but -- as you say you are concerned about your kid being left out -- one option is to be the parent who lets your son invite a friend or two to whatever activity you are doing, like sledding, going to the park, the bakery, and when they are older places like SkyZone, the Lego store, pumpkin patch, berry picking, etc. Obviously covid will affect such plans now, but from my experience, parents who both work FT and who have multiple kids are more than happy to let their kids go on such playdates. I think this only works for people who aren't bothered by the lack of reciprocity and are ok with this financially; if this is you, it can be a way in to at least start talking to other parents and possibly developing a connection that might turn to friendship.

-- Another idea is through your kid's activities. For example, the parents of kids on sports teams, particularly travel teams, can become pretty close over the years and will start doing adult social things like happy hour and girls nights. If you go to these events, you will get along better with certain parents, and then can take baby steps towards friendship with them -- again, through actions, like offering to carpool, doing favors like lending extra shin guards, asking for and giving advice, group lunches during tournaments, volunteering to plan the end is season party with other parents.

Most importantly, be yourself-- this approach works for me but won't fit everyone. Good luck! You sound great and someone will be lucky to be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate socializing with other moms. I’m so glad to have a nanny who can do that for me 😀 and make playdates and the like. I don’t mind chit-chatting during birthday parties, and I have my own friends who I like to hang out with

Wow you’re so interesting and I’m so impressed you have friends!

[Anonymous]

covid has made all of this so much harder and weirder. I'm sure it's not you. I have been proactively reaching out to neighbors with kids the same age for masked outdoor playdates. Sometimes it's awkward for me if I don't click with the other parent, but I don't really care as long as my kid is having fun.

[Anonymous]

I KNOW I’m the odd mom. But in also know I am nice and just focus on that embrace the oddness.

[Anonymous]

I’m awkward AF but have a lot of mom friends m.
I force myself to chat with people even though it’s not really my nature. I do this out of anxiety for my kids having friends. I always remember that people who gave me a look at first or kind of snubbed me. I’m pretty average looking and combined with awkwardness I think some people overlook me at first and my kindness and personality wins then over after a while.

[Anonymous]

I'm weird and can come across as aloof. I honestly don't have time to worry about the other parents and how they see me. I wish I did have the time but I don't. I'm guessing no one is excluding you on purpose, everyone is just trying to survive.

OP, relax, it will be fine. This pandemic is driving everyone over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I'm totally the weird mom. I was also the weird kid, always off a beat. But I'm a really good mom, whether I fit in with the 'cool moms' or not. I smile and say "hi", but that's about it. I wouldn't mind hanging out, but my anxiety is better when I stay a bit aloof and in my own little bubble.