I am seriously about to lose it....I am so drained and dejected

[Anonymous]

I can't take this anymore.

I am a stay at home mom of two young kids. The insane cost of full time daycare in the DC area for two kids (4 and 3) and the desire spend more time with them when they are young led me to make the decision to step away from teaching and be a full-time stay at home mom for a couple years until my oldest is in kindergarten. We are incredibly fortunate that my husband has been able work from home remotely during the pandemic. We have no family nearby, one side of the family is from and lives in South America.

Before the pandemic, I definitely found being a SAHM challenging (in some ways much harder than my 2.5 years of being a full-time working mom), but the isolation of the pandemic has brought everything to an all-time high. My kids even pre-pandemic had some very challenging behaviors, but I always felt like I was able to recharge and reset by getting out of the house to bring them to free museums, meet up with other friends for playdates, go to the library, have a date with my husband once a month, etc. They rarely misbehave outside of teh house and love being with other kids. But now after almost a whole year without any preschool (they had attended part-time previously) and their socializing being limited to masked, distanced playdates outdoors, we are all just falling apart. All day long, the kids are fighting with each other, screaming, arguing with me (over things like picking up, going to the bathroom). It is one major tantrum or crisis after another all day long and I can't take it anymore. I am depressed, drained, and discouraged by it all. The 2 year old has these crazy intense tantrums over things like getting his sleeves wet, being asked not to do something dangerous, etc.

I have a degree in early childhood education, I read tons on parenting. We are consistent, there are consequences. I honestly try so hard and and put tons of effort and time into trying to fix my kids' behavior issues, but nothing seems to work and I feel like an incredible failure as a parent. If I could flip a switch and send them both to full-time daycare tomorrow and go back to work in anything (including in person), I would.

I am trying to find a therapist who takes insurance (GEHA). I love my kids and I love my husband, but I am so deeply, deeply unhappy and exhausted from all this.

[Anonymous]

Op here, meant to say kids are 4 and 2.

[Anonymous]

OP, first and foremost, big hugs to you! The current situation is isolating and exhausting for so many. You are not alone! I am late for a call but will write more letter. Just wanted to send a quick hang in there post!

[Anonymous]

This is just not sustainable for most families. When does the daycare say it will reopen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't take this anymore.

I am a stay at home mom of two young kids. The insane cost of full time daycare in the DC area for two kids (4 and 3) and the desire spend more time with them when they are young led me to make the decision to step away from teaching and be a full-time stay at home mom for a couple years until my oldest is in kindergarten. We are incredibly fortunate that my husband has been able work from home remotely during the pandemic. We have no family nearby, one side of the family is from and lives in South America.

Before the pandemic, I definitely found being a SAHM challenging (in some ways much harder than my 2.5 years of being a full-time working mom), but the isolation of the pandemic has brought everything to an all-time high. My kids even pre-pandemic had some very challenging behaviors, but I always felt like I was able to recharge and reset by getting out of the house to bring them to free museums, meet up with other friends for playdates, go to the library, have a date with my husband once a month, etc. They rarely misbehave outside of teh house and love being with other kids. But now after almost a whole year without any preschool (they had attended part-time previously) and their socializing being limited to masked, distanced playdates outdoors, we are all just falling apart. All day long, the kids are fighting with each other, screaming, arguing with me (over things like picking up, going to the bathroom). It is one major tantrum or crisis after another all day long and I can't take it anymore. I am depressed, drained, and discouraged by it all. The 2 year old has these crazy intense tantrums over things like getting his sleeves wet, being asked not to do something dangerous, etc.

I have a degree in early childhood education, I read tons on parenting. We are consistent, there are consequences. I honestly try so hard and and put tons of effort and time into trying to fix my kids' behavior issues, but nothing seems to work and I feel like an incredible failure as a parent. If I could flip a switch and send them both to full-time daycare tomorrow and go back to work in anything (including in person), I would.

I am trying to find a therapist who takes insurance (GEHA). I love my kids and I love my husband, but I am so deeply, deeply unhappy and exhausted from all this.

You are absolutely not a failure as a parent. Anyone dealing with that situation would be miserable. I know others will help with practical solutions. I just wanted to start off by making sure you know this is not your fault.

[Anonymous]

If they don't misbehave outside the house, why not spend more time outside? My son had to go outside every day by 9 am or he would lose his mind. He had tons of energy so we went out every day in the morning for an hour or two and in the afternoon after he took a nap or had quiet time in his room. There are enough playgrounds, parks, etc for you to go outside twice a day. Plus it wears them out so they fall asleep easier.

[Anonymous]

What you are doing isn't working. You can read about it and have a degree but you need a full reset. Send them to their room to do their tantrums and tell them they can come out when they are done. Time out for bad behavior or dangerous. Toddler proof your house so there are less opportunities to do dangerous things. Put away anything they can get hurt on, bolt furniture to walls and use baby gates. Easier to set them up so they don't have access vs. getting upset they do something.

[Anonymous]

I used to have GEHA, and switched to BCBS, but we did counseling through Medstar Georgetown for a while. Maybe call them? I think everything is over zoom right now, but if may work?

Also, GEHA has a great reimbursement rate for therapy - when I was doing individual therapy at $150/session I was reimbursed something like $97/session when I filed for reimbursement.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with you feeling like you're best suited to working! I agree that my kid is much better behaved when an adult (i.e. teacher) is in charge and he's around other kids.

Could you find a part time preschool to send the kids? CDC and our Pediatrician have both recommended that schools for younger kids can be safe if masking and distance recommendations are followed. I think a lot of preschools around here are doing a really good job of limiting covid exposure.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have any great advice. I wish I did. However, what you are being asked to do is too much. Being a SAHM is hard enough normally, but with the isolation it must also be unbearable. I have three kids, and can attest that some kids are more difficult to manage than others, no matter what you do or how consistent you are. I also know how hard it is when you don't have family support. Let's face it. Very few people are with their children 24/7 for more than a year. It is a lot to manage with little kids.

You didn't say much about your husband, other than he is working remotely. I'm not accusing, but is he doing his share in non-work hours? You need some time to yourself, to decompress and live for you, separate and apart from your kids. Can you carve out some time when you get out by yourself, on the weekends, to walk or drive, or do something without the kids?

I feel for your and wish I had more helpful advice. Hugs. You will get through this.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. Mine are 2 and 7, and even with them doing hybrid learning, I am at the end of my rope. Constant fighting, whining, all. day. long. I am dreading the call that school will be closed tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can't take this anymore.

I am a stay at home mom of two young kids. The insane cost of full time daycare in the DC area for two kids (4 and 3) and the desire spend more time with them when they are young led me to make the decision to step away from teaching and be a full-time stay at home mom for a couple years until my oldest is in kindergarten. We are incredibly fortunate that my husband has been able work from home remotely during the pandemic. We have no family nearby, one side of the family is from and lives in South America.

Before the pandemic, I definitely found being a SAHM challenging (in some ways much harder than my 2.5 years of being a full-time working mom), but the isolation of the pandemic has brought everything to an all-time high. My kids even pre-pandemic had some very challenging behaviors, but I always felt like I was able to recharge and reset by getting out of the house to bring them to free museums, meet up with other friends for playdates, go to the library, have a date with my husband once a month, etc. They rarely misbehave outside of teh house and love being with other kids. But now after almost a whole year without any preschool (they had attended part-time previously) and their socializing being limited to masked, distanced playdates outdoors, we are all just falling apart. All day long, the kids are fighting with each other, screaming, arguing with me (over things like picking up, going to the bathroom). It is one major tantrum or crisis after another all day long and I can't take it anymore. I am depressed, drained, and discouraged by it all. The 2 year old has these crazy intense tantrums over things like getting his sleeves wet, being asked not to do something dangerous, etc.

I have a degree in early childhood education, I read tons on parenting. We are consistent, there are consequences. I honestly try so hard and and put tons of effort and time into trying to fix my kids' behavior issues, but nothing seems to work and I feel like an incredible failure as a parent. If I could flip a switch and send them both to full-time daycare tomorrow and go back to work in anything (including in person), I would.

I am trying to find a therapist who takes insurance (GEHA). I love my kids and I love my husband, but I am so deeply, deeply unhappy and exhausted from all this.



You are absolutely not a failure as a parent. Anyone dealing with that situation would be miserable. I know others will help with practical solutions. I just wanted to start off by making sure you know this is not your fault.

Agree, this isn't your fault. I think teachers sometimes think that because they have an early childhood degree that this makes them experts in parenting, and that they should/will have a perfect parenting experience.

Forgive yourself for not being able to go this alone, and for wishing you could be back at work. It sounds cliche, but being a stay-at-home parent is the toughest job in the word. It truly is.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 and a 4 year old, both boys. I kinda got to the point where I just started taking more risks with them. Maybe that was bad but I just couldn’t hole up at home anymore.

Also, this is unimaginably hard. Even when nothing terribly bad happens, it’s still unimaginably hard.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 3 and we're struggling too.

The lockdowns are worse than this virus, IMO. We're going to lose way more people as a result of the lockdowns. We just don't know it yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't take this anymore.

I am a stay at home mom of two young kids. The insane cost of full time daycare in the DC area for two kids (4 and 3) and the desire spend more time with them when they are young led me to make the decision to step away from teaching and be a full-time stay at home mom for a couple years until my oldest is in kindergarten. We are incredibly fortunate that my husband has been able work from home remotely during the pandemic. We have no family nearby, one side of the family is from and lives in South America.

Before the pandemic, I definitely found being a SAHM challenging (in some ways much harder than my 2.5 years of being a full-time working mom), but the isolation of the pandemic has brought everything to an all-time high. My kids even pre-pandemic had some very challenging behaviors, but I always felt like I was able to recharge and reset by getting out of the house to bring them to free museums, meet up with other friends for playdates, go to the library, have a date with my husband once a month, etc. They rarely misbehave outside of teh house and love being with other kids. But now after almost a whole year without any preschool (they had attended part-time previously) and their socializing being limited to masked, distanced playdates outdoors, we are all just falling apart. All day long, the kids are fighting with each other, screaming, arguing with me (over things like picking up, going to the bathroom). It is one major tantrum or crisis after another all day long and I can't take it anymore. I am depressed, drained, and discouraged by it all. The 2 year old has these crazy intense tantrums over things like getting his sleeves wet, being asked not to do something dangerous, etc.

I have a degree in early childhood education, I read tons on parenting. We are consistent, there are consequences. I honestly try so hard and and put tons of effort and time into trying to fix my kids' behavior issues, but nothing seems to work and I feel like an incredible failure as a parent. If I could flip a switch and send them both to full-time daycare tomorrow and go back to work in anything (including in person), I would.

I am trying to find a therapist who takes insurance (GEHA). I love my kids and I love my husband, but I am so deeply, deeply unhappy and exhausted from all this.



You are absolutely not a failure as a parent. Anyone dealing with that situation would be miserable. I know others will help with practical solutions. I just wanted to start off by making sure you know this is not your fault.

Agree, this isn't your fault. I think teachers sometimes think that because they have an early childhood degree that this makes them experts in parenting, and that they should/will have a perfect parenting experience.

Forgive yourself for not being able to go this alone, and for wishing you could be back at work. It sounds cliche, but being a stay-at-home parent is the toughest job in the word. It truly is.

Maybe the OP actually is an expert parent. Nobody in history has needed to parent under these conditions. The problem isn't her, it's the lockdowns.