Grandparents and above, please share your opinion

[Anonymous]

My DH's grandfather is 90 and still living. He had his driver's license taken away late last year and is very depressed about losing his independence. He is surrounded by family and lives out west, so he is not isolated, but he has been asking to see DH and our kids. We haven't seen him since December 2019.

The airport in their town offers rapid testing. Do you think it is reasonable to accommodate his wish by flying, doing rapid testing, socially distancing as much as possible, only bringing take-out food to share, visiting at their home in a way that is comfortable to them, staying in a hotel nearby this summer?

I really don't want to take unneeded risk, but am beginning to think that it might be a risk worth taking.

TIA! (and please, no shaming)

[Anonymous]

Will he have been vaccinated by then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will he have been vaccinated by then?

Don’t know and don’t feel comfortable asking. He’s not a Trumper.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you ask about vaccination?

If you visit outside of his home wearing masks I think it’s fine.

The rapid tests are really unreliable and you may have caught it but not produced an immune response yet which would render any testing moot.

[Anonymous]

OP, the most irresponsible thing is to try to figure it out now. If you make a plan now, you will be trying too hard to make it happen --- reality be d*mned. Don't plan something, speculate and then disappoint him and let him down. Maybe you can go. But now is not the time to be talking about it/thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

I’d drive.

[Anonymous]

No. FaceTime with him and talk about how in a few months he'll get vaccinated and a couple of months after that, so will you and then you can all be together again in person.

[Anonymous]

It seems silly, to me, to avoid visiting someone 90+ for fear they might die. They very well might die anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

I don't care about vaccines as they say you can still spread it. I would drive, not fly or quarantine for a week with a covid test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

Okay, so it's none of your business but you are contemplating exposing him? Of course it's your business. Snap out of it.

You say, 'we are contemplating trying to figure out how to visit you, but we need to ask you about vaccination.'

I'd do this myself, but I'm older (50s) so not so scared of offending people in order to just ask for what I need. So, I'll also suggest you get your DH to ask. However; he will likely not probe enough for your satisfaction, so I really recommend having the conversation myself.

How do you think he would feel if he knew you didn't end up visiting him because you were too chicken to ask him if he was vaccinated or not? Come on. If you ask and he actually says, none of your business, okay, that tells you something.

Then, if you decide to go, don't tell him, since the situation could change. He's 90. If you show up in town, he'll be there. And thrilled. Or, if you tell him the day before, he'll be thrilled. Don't tell him 3 weeks or 3 months before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

I don't care about vaccines as they say you can still spread it. I would drive, not fly or quarantine for a week with a covid test.

Is every pandemic related post going to have someone spreading this misinformation responding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems silly, to me, to avoid visiting someone 90+ for fear they might die. They very well might die anyway.

Agree. I would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

Okay, so it's none of your business but you are contemplating exposing him? Of course it's your business. Snap out of it.

You say, 'we are contemplating trying to figure out how to visit you, but we need to ask you about vaccination.'

I'd do this myself, but I'm older (50s) so not so scared of offending people in order to just ask for what I need. So, I'll also suggest you get your DH to ask. However; he will likely not probe enough for your satisfaction, so I really recommend having the conversation myself.

How do you think he would feel if he knew you didn't end up visiting him because you were too chicken to ask him if he was vaccinated or not? Come on. If you ask and he actually says, none of your business, okay, that tells you something.

Then, if you decide to go, don't tell him, since the situation could change. He's 90. If you show up in town, he'll be there. And thrilled. Or, if you tell him the day before, he'll be thrilled. Don't tell him 3 weeks or 3 months before.

This. This. This. This. I like you, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d drive.

We don’t get that much time off of work.

It’s not the sort of relationship where I feel comfortable asking about a personal health decision like vaccination. It’s none of my business.

I’m looking at planning now because if I don’t want plan soon, we won’t go due to demands with work. We both are required by work to put in for PTO months in advance.

This decision is just as fraught as I thought. Thanks for giving your thoughts, PPs.

Okay, so it's none of your business but you are contemplating exposing him? Of course it's your business. Snap out of it.

You say, 'we are contemplating trying to figure out how to visit you, but we need to ask you about vaccination.'

I'd do this myself, but I'm older (50s) so not so scared of offending people in order to just ask for what I need. So, I'll also suggest you get your DH to ask. However; he will likely not probe enough for your satisfaction, so I really recommend having the conversation myself.

How do you think he would feel if he knew you didn't end up visiting him because you were too chicken to ask him if he was vaccinated or not? Come on. If you ask and he actually says, none of your business, okay, that tells you something.

Then, if you decide to go, don't tell him, since the situation could change. He's 90. If you show up in town, he'll be there. And thrilled. Or, if you tell him the day before, he'll be thrilled. Don't tell him 3 weeks or 3 months before.

+1, but I'm also 50s and no longer afraid of asking hard questions if it's necessary.