If your child is in middle school and thriving...what did you do right ?
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Anonymous
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I caught myself thinking today that my DD who is tiny physically (checked her bones and she is about 2 years behind her age), looks like she is 8 instead of 10 , is "going to " middle school next year .
It is not about my actual worry about her going to middle school, it is that I think she is not prepared. I have failed to prepare her for middle school. She has never played sports (had concussions before so I was always scared to sign her up). She did swimming and ballet. She gets headaches if overheated so can't be active for too long. She will be thought of and is immature for her age (plays with dolls, makes paper dolls, watches cartoons (and not tv shows). It is my preference that she does not grow up too fast as many girls now do. So I am over protective of her childhood (she still climbs trees every day in the backyard and pretends there is lava/catastrophes). I allowed her to be herself (she loved to wear dresses and tights, and I know many girls of her age live in leggings and sweatshirts). While academically ok, behavior wise she is basically like a little girl - and I am worried she will be laughed at . Please share your experience and what did you do right ? If you have a confident mature middle schooler - please share your parenting style and wisdom? |
Anonymous
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Does she have any friends? Kids she make connections with a ballet?
From what you described...she doesn't have anyone she connects with. |
Anonymous
| Mine believed in Santa for her first two years. She’s doing great. So I don’t know that success is due to anything that I did. |
Anonymous
| Does middle school bring at age 11? I didn't start middle school till 13....a lot happens in those years. |
Anonymous
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She probably will be laughed at, which is a problem if it leads into future exclusion and she doesn't already have strong social support from friends her own age.
She sounds immature and possibly isolated. Experience will mature her. If covid wasn't around, I'd recommend an extended summer camp for a social skills intensive. There are plenty of activities that she can do that don't risk concussions the same way riding or soccer would. I'd focus on her dance and work on expanding her into trail running, tennis, etc, and probably art and music. |
Anonymous
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I feel like I am missing something. She wears dresses, does ballet and likes cartoons. Those are fine things for a 5th grader. Plenty of kids who like pokemon or anime or magic tricks find other kids who like the same. Will she be in the popular crew, maybe not. Will she be miserable? That depends.
Does she have other kids who like to what she likes? Friends from the neighborhood or ballet or school? That would matter more than what interest she had. |
Anonymous
She sounds lovely for a 10 yo. Phones and video games and screen time is so user friendly and addictive that is not a worry. |
Anonymous
| Put her in a nice little private school. My childlike sweet girl is thriving in a progressive little school where the kids and teachers focus on kindness and inclusion. We are no longer in DC. |
Anonymous
+1 Seek those kids and their parents. |
Anonymous
| Huge difference between sixth graders and seventh and then eighth graders. She's fine the way she is. Also, it's January. She's going to change between now and next September. I was in your exact same shoes three years ago and have an eighth grader now. She finally started her period on Christmas Day. I was looking at pictures of her as a Sixth Grader and it's remarkable how much she's changed. |
Anonymous
| There’s nothing wrong with what you are describing. Kids mature at different rates. My 14 year old sounds a lot like your DD and she has always seemed a bit behind hers peers socially. Don’t worry plenty of middle schoolers enjoy cartoons and dresses, they just don’t tell each other. My DD eventually outgrew those things and now I miss it. |
Anonymous
| My youngest is the same age and same size. Your child will grow into a typical teen. In a few years you'll be wondering what happened to your little girl who went from playing with toys to watching tiktok videos in the blink of an eye. |
Anonymous
My 7th grader loves to climb trees and play pretend. Pre covid, but still in 6th grade, some of her friends would guiltily dig into our dress up bin and then have a blast dressing up and trying on different accents  she’s grown physically a lot recently, but the weird thing about this age is how emotionally they are still immature—she can yell at me one minute and need hugs the next. It’s a very confusing time for all of us. It does help that she has kind friends who aren’t into dating and makeup yet. But I’m sure that’ll come next year
Let her find her way—she will figure it out
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Anonymous
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I secretly played with dolls until 8 thy grade, and I was the oldest in my class. When I taught fourth grade, girls were still excited about American girls dolls, even the Wellie Wishers, which seem to be aimed at younger kids.
She may be immature ( none of us have met your daughter), but it’s okay if she’s still in the doll phase. Kids connect with other kids with similar interests. Are you opposed to cheerleading? No stunts in MS, so it’s basically dance with yelling. The downside is that high school cheerleading does have stunts, so you’d need to explain to her that this is a middle school-only activity. She might also do well as a part of a really large group. Some ideas include yearbook, band, chorus, and swim team. The nice thing about swimming is that they have exhibition lanes, so nobody sits on the bench. |
Anonymous
| What grade is she in? |