If your child is in middle school and thriving...what did you do right ?

[Anonymous]

She will find her people. I have a quirky Middle schooler and she was fine. She had a better time socially at a big middle school than a small private.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you have any control really. My middle schooler is 12 going on 20. She’s always been this way - wanting to be “older” since she was practically born. Her younger sister is more like your DD. She’s only in 4th but her MS experience will be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put her in a nice little private school. My childlike sweet girl is thriving in a progressive little school where the kids and teachers focus on kindness and inclusion. We are no longer in DC.

Isn't a private school the complete opposite of inclusion? You literally have to pay to play. Exclusivity is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you have any control really. My middle schooler is 12 going on 20. She’s always been this way - wanting to be “older” since she was practically born. Her younger sister is more like your DD. She’s only in 4th but her MS experience will be different.

I could have written this- same dynamic in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does middle school bring at age 11? I didn't start middle school till 13....a lot happens in those years.

Yes, most 6th graders are 11 going on 12 and "middle school" starts in 6th grade for most kids in this area.

OP: My child is "thriving" in MS and the most important factor is a good group of friends and some understanding of who she is. She doesn't want to be in the "popular group" because they don't share her interests. I think the kids (girls) who have the hardest time in MS are the ones who are so focused on "fitting in" that they don't just find the group of people who like the things they like.

[Anonymous]

I requested that my son be placed with his best friend in homeroom. They ended up having a bunch of classes together because our school does the "team" approach to scheduling classes. I think that is common in middle school.

Anyway, I think it helped because the BFF is older by 9 months and more mature. He's the ring leader in their group of friends. DS has made other friends among the boys.

I don't know what it's like for girls now but for boys it's all about being a good athlete and video gamer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you have any control really. My middle schooler is 12 going on 20. She’s always been this way - wanting to be “older” since she was practically born. Her younger sister is more like your DD. She’s only in 4th but her MS experience will be different.

I could have written this- same dynamic in my house.

Totally opposite in my house. Older DS started middle school fairly immature. He found his crowd and all was fine. Now on HS and none of the issues I was worried about in MS exist. Younger DD was 10 going on 20. However, now at 13, she acts and dresses more like 16 (within reason as there are things I refuse to buy her to wear).

[Anonymous]

At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

[Anonymous]

I nurtured my DS's interests, put him in a sport that he loved and supported him in finding supportive coaches, and kept looking until we found groups that fit him. If a group didn't fit him, we left and found one that did. I taught him to be true to his own interests, abilities, and to have good character above all else, no matter what everyone around him was doing. Then, I tried to put him in places where he would meet other people like that. I also taught him to always look for areas where he can improve.

He's 15 now, has friends, is focused on constructive goals that he sets with support, does well in school, and is well liked by teachers and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

[Anonymous]

I started middle school at 11 and thought it was too young 25 plus years ago. Not sure why they start so early. Let her be a kid, because she is a kid. That's not to say she can't mix 8n some older things now. But plenty of to grow up in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

Right? The fat, fat, fat PP is nuts, nuts, nuts

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone ! OP here, this was a treat to read and nice to hear many comments and helpful advice.

To answer some of the questions - yes, she is pretty isolated and does not have many friends. She also tends to stick to one person and make that person her friend /idol / bff and does not branch out .

To make matters more complicated, we move every couple of years or work and she has to say bye to her friends. She stays connected to few friends via Zoom (they talk, draw in Zoom , or play games but all virtual). We moved again and school is virtual.

We are here main co-players (lots of cooking and board games etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does middle school bring at age 11? I didn't start middle school till 13....a lot happens in those years.

Yes, most 6th graders are 11 going on 12 and "middle school" starts in 6th grade for most kids in this area.

OP: My child is "thriving" in MS and the most important factor is a good group of friends and some understanding of who she is. She doesn't want to be in the "popular group" because they don't share her interests. I think the kids (girls) who have the hardest time in MS are the ones who are so focused on "fitting in" that they don't just find the group of people who like the things they like.

Also, the age cut off for K is before the first day of school, so some kids entering middle school around here are actually 10 on the first day of school, while the 8th graders in the same building might be 14 already. Huge developmental range in middle school.

[Anonymous]

My 11yo acts mature in a lot of ways (her vocabulary, her confidence, she has pretty much gone through puberty, etc) but she is a total goofball with friends. They do stuff like text each other random letters and then reply with their attempt at pronouncing them, they come up with games based on Percy Jackson, etc. A few kids in her friend group haven’t started puberty either. Nobody seems to care.

There is this stereotype that girls are growing up too fast, but that just hasn’t been my experience.

That said, a big way kids are socializing these days is playing Along Us. You might want to introduce her to that. Just try to create a private game because in public games you get some sketchy characters.