Boyfriend asking about my past

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend recently found out I slept with a male friend of mine ( I let it slip) and now he wants to know about my past. He knows about relationships but not about casual sex. I went through a wild phase in my late twenties after being a late bloomer and had a lot of fun. I don’t regret it at all! I I found out what I want and what I really enjoy. I spent three years traveling for my jobs and had a handful of casual relationships and a couple of one night stands. I’m not embarrassed or anything but I don’t feel like he needs to know every detail. I don’t know about his past beyond serious relationships and don’t want to know. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him "I enjoyed myself enough to sort out what I really want in a partner and what I want sexually. If you'd like, we can both get STD testing done and open the results together, but I'm not going to tell you details."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him "I enjoyed myself enough to sort out what I really want in a partner and what I want sexually. If you'd like, we can both get STD testing done and open the results together, but I'm not going to tell you details."

OP here. We both are STD free and he knows that.

[Anonymous]

You are obviously 30-35+ correct? I’d just tell him that you have had previous relationships and that they are in your past and that’s it. Tell him that you have no interest in his sexual past. If he continues to push tell him that pushing would not be a good idea. Stay calm and hold the line.

My husband kids me about prior boyfriends (losers!!!! according to him) but he never has asked me about my sexual history nor have I asked him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend recently found out I slept with a male friend of mine ( I let it slip) and now he wants to know about my past. He knows about relationships but not about casual sex. I went through a wild phase in my late twenties after being a late bloomer and had a lot of fun. I don’t regret it at all! I I found out what I want and what I really enjoy. I spent three years traveling for my jobs and had a handful of casual relationships and a couple of one night stands. I’m not embarrassed or anything but I don’t feel like he needs to know every detail. I don’t know about his past beyond serious relationships and don’t want to know. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.

I feel like the bolded is the exact right level of detail for him. Tells him your history and values without getting into the details.

[Anonymous]

I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

[Anonymous]

He does not need to know. He shouldn't be probing or asking. Of course you have a past. Everyone does. If he knows you are STD free, that is all he needs to know.

I was married for a decade...we never ever discussed our past sexual history. Serious boyfriends, okay but nothing else.

Near the end of our marriage he told he my number was 3...I laughed at him. It was never relevant. Admittedly, my number is actually quite low but more than 3 he assumed. I never asked him his number. All sharing that info does is create problems. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend recently found out I slept with a male friend of mine ( I let it slip) and now he wants to know about my past. He knows about relationships but not about casual sex. I went through a wild phase in my late twenties after being a late bloomer and had a lot of fun. I don’t regret it at all! I I found out what I want and what I really enjoy. I spent three years traveling for my jobs and had a handful of casual relationships and a couple of one night stands. I’m not embarrassed or anything but I don’t feel like he needs to know every detail. I don’t know about his past beyond serious relationships and don’t want to know. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.

I feel like the bolded is the exact right level of detail for him. Tells him your history and values without getting into the details.

PP here. I would not even say that. "I had some boyfriends and a couple of short-term dalliances." THAT IS IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

I found out my ex slept with 3 female friends before marriage. I did not care one bit. It has no effect on our relationship. People who are about these things are super insecure, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

OP here. No I wouldn’t. I’m confident in what we have. It’s in the past and I could care less what he did before he met me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are obviously 30-35+ correct? I’d just tell him that you have had previous relationships and that they are in your past and that’s it. Tell him that you have no interest in his sexual past. If he continues to push tell him that pushing would not be a good idea. Stay calm and hold the line.

My husband kids me about prior boyfriends (losers!!!! according to him) but he never has asked me about my sexual history nor have I asked him.

OP here. Yes. Early thirties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

OP here. No I wouldn’t. I’m confident in what we have. It’s in the past and I could care less what he did before he met me.

OP here. My friend and I rarely hang out anymore. He is in a relationship and very happy. We casually hooked up once. It was never anything serious.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised.

Maybe because my husband and I met in our mid 20s—-but I can’t imagine marrying somebody I didn’t know about past sex history, major relationships. That comes up early in most long term dating relationships (pre-marriage).

[Anonymous]

There is another current thread with the title something like “My wife slept with more people than I did and that bothers me.” Be careful about what you disclose. And cut by 50% what you say you did.

[Anonymous]

No. Don’t tell him.