Boyfriend asking about my past

[Anonymous]

Well that was dumb of you. Now he's going to be thinking about how he compares to him, and if you'd go back to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

OP here. No I wouldn’t. I’m confident in what we have. It’s in the past and I could care less what he did before he met me.

OP here. My friend and I rarely hang out anymore. He is in a relationship and very happy. We casually hooked up once. It was never anything serious.

This is not a reassuring statement, if I were your boyfriend I would take it to mean if my friend wasn't in a relationship I'd still be hooking up with him. This is what it's about. I doubt your boyfriend actually cares about your number but is curious to know how many of your friends you have slept with have had relationships with. I'm not normally one for going into the past beyond revealing STD status and when appropriate past traumas that could be triggered during sec, but I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know if your SO's circle of friends is comprised of people they have lept with.

[Anonymous]

If he keeps pushing tell him “more than 1, less than 200”

[Anonymous]

I tell... but only because it helps me sort the good guys from the bad.

I told an old boyfriend and he was extremely upset with my number. The kicker? His was over double mine. It caused a ton of problems - he would pressure me to tell him who it was, what we did, and got angry with it all.

I don’t want to be with a jealous partner ever again, so if they ask, I tell them. If they get upset, I dump them. If they’re sexist about women having sex, they’re going to be sexist in other areas.

FWIW I think it’s fun to exchange numbers and talk about past sexual experiences. I don’t really get jealous, I get kind of excited by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you'd be upset if you found out he had sex with one of the female friends he casually hangs out with as well.

OP here. No I wouldn’t. I’m confident in what we have. It’s in the past and I could care less what he did before he met me.

OP here. My friend and I rarely hang out anymore. He is in a relationship and very happy. We casually hooked up once. It was never anything serious.

This is not a reassuring statement, if I were your boyfriend I would take it to mean if my friend wasn't in a relationship I'd still be hooking up with him. This is what it's about. I doubt your boyfriend actually cares about your number but is curious to know how many of your friends you have slept with have had relationships with. I'm not normally one for going into the past beyond revealing STD status and when appropriate past traumas that could be triggered during sec, but I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know if your SO's circle of friends is comprised of people they have lept with.

OP here. He didn’t have any issues when I told him I hooked up with my female friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend recently found out I slept with a male friend of mine ( I let it slip) and now he wants to know about my past. He knows about relationships but not about casual sex. I went through a wild phase in my late twenties after being a late bloomer and had a lot of fun. I don’t regret it at all! I I found out what I want and what I really enjoy. I spent three years traveling for my jobs and had a handful of casual relationships and a couple of one night stands. I’m not embarrassed or anything but I don’t feel like he needs to know every detail. I don’t know about his past beyond serious relationships and don’t want to know. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.

There is literally no good that can come of this. Men think they want to know this stuff, but they really, really do not. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Either be totally open and let that bomb drop or totally lie and only say it was the three or so serious relationships you had.

[Anonymous]

Edit for content and your audience. He may not be able to handle hearing about those years of sexual activity, honestly most men can’t deal with that knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell... but only because it helps me sort the good guys from the bad.

I told an old boyfriend and he was extremely upset with my number. The kicker? His was over double mine. It caused a ton of problems - he would pressure me to tell him who it was, what we did, and got angry with it all.

I don’t want to be with a jealous partner ever again, so if they ask, I tell them. If they get upset, I dump them. If they’re sexist about women having sex, they’re going to be sexist in other areas.

FWIW I think it’s fun to exchange numbers and talk about past sexual experiences. I don’t really get jealous, I get kind of excited by it.

+1 to this. Tell (an edited version of what you mentioned earlier), and see what his reaction is. It will tell you A LOT about him.

[Anonymous]

Never tell every detail.

[Anonymous]

Take the number to your grave. Don’t overshare.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely nothing good will ever come out of sharing your number, and even if nothing happens at that moment, I guarantee that number will forever be carved into his cortex. Don't do it. Don't do it ever, with anyone, even with your husband. Don't comment on your wild phase. Don't talk about it AT ALL. You're not a virgin and that's as much detail as you should share, and no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised.

Maybe because my husband and I met in our mid 20s—-but I can’t imagine marrying somebody I didn’t know about past sex history, major relationships. That comes up early in most long term dating relationships (pre-marriage).

Agreed. And talking about sex and past partners is amazing foreplay at the start of a relationship. The people who don't discuss it seem incredibly repressed to me. Probably the same ones who won't take naked pics.