Do you speak up if your kid is inadvertently left out of recognition for something?
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Anonymous
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This is a very general question and probably depends on the circumstances, but I’ve had this situation come up a few times with my kids and have never said anything. What I mean is, your kid accomplished something, whether it was an academic accolade, an athletic accomplishment, a musical achievement, etc, and the school/coach/teacher accidentally did not recognize the achievement in the organization’s records or newsletters. This can feel disappointing for a kid, but when this has happened I have always assured my kids that they know they achieved something and that is all that matters. I feel like reaching to correct the omission seems embarrassing or self important.
However, one of my kids just set a record that got completely missed, and she’s pretty upset about it. I understand, because it is something that would have been documented on the organization’s website until the record is broken. Still, I hesitate to reach out, or to have her say anything. It is just a kid’s activity and I don’t want to seem overly competitive. Should this just be a lesson in humility and security in your own personal growth? |
Anonymous
| Following. I don’t know the answer but find this tricky, especially when dealing with kids who might struggle with positive self image. |
Anonymous
| How old is the kid? That type of thing might be looked at more favorably if it came from the kid. |
Anonymous
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Depends on the age of the kid, and the nature of the achievement.
If the kid is 10+, I would help him/her send an email to whoever is in charge of that to let them know that they missed his/her State Record in Frog Jumping, and that it would be nice to see the new record replace the old one on the MD State Frog Jumping website. For under 10, I might do it myself if it means a lot to the kid. |
Anonymous
| Op here, she is 8, almost 9. Not sure how comfortable she would be speaking up about it herself but I could suggest it. She really did work hard and it’s pretty meaningful to her, so it’s been really disappointing for her that it was overlooked. |
Anonymous
I think she's a bit young to take that on herself. Does she have a coach who can do it for her, that she feels comfortable asking? I'm the PP who mentioned FrogJumping. 
If not, I think perhaps you should, or help her do it? It's really hard to give better advice when it's kind of vague. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I absolutely speak up when my kids - or anyone’s kids - are left out. I do the same with adults. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes I do, sometimes I let it go. I will say that my mom NEVER called out these kinds of omissions, even when they were egregious, and I think it contributed to my sense of being less important than other people. Which is OK in some ways (I think a lot of people have inflated self-esteem) and a problem in others. |
Anonymous
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I would speak up in this case. It's seem pretty clear (the norm is that those who break the record are recognized). It will teach your kid to speak up for herself.
Some parents might go overboard sometimes, and it becomes a pain. But this is not your case. Speak up for your kid, and let her know that you are speaking up for her. It will help her develop the courage to speak up for herself when she is a little older. |
Anonymous
I am the PP who asked specifically about how to handle when the kid has self image issues, and I appreciate this response. My instinct is always to go to bat for my kid, but these kinds of parental interventions are often seen very negatively by other parents and some school personnel, so I'm wary. My kid is younger than OPs (1st grade) which I gather is a factor. I definitely don't expect her to be able to advocate perfectly for herself at this age. |
Anonymous
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I would speak up. You aren’t asking for special treatment or something not deserved.
As a teacher, I forgot a kid once who deserved to the on the list of awesome things. His mom said something and I am SO glad she did! I felt terrible but if you tell me, I can try to make it right. The kid did the cool thing and should get the recognition. Just speak up nicely - “hey, Larla broke that record, and I noticed the website hasn’t been changed to show that. She is so excited to see her name online! Do you know the process for that?” Teaching self-advocacy, especially to girls, is so important. |
Anonymous
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If my kids are upset about it, yes. If not, then we just move on. |
Anonymous
| My oldest is pretty shy. If he missed out on standing up or walking across a stage, I would not intervene because he hates anything like that. I would ask the teacher/coach to give him his certificate privately in a casual setting. If my kid noticed and cared I absolutely would call it to their attention! If my kid was jr high or older, I would coach them how to advocate for themselves. |
Anonymous
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I think it depends. If it was a mistake (like a section of the newsletter that says "new records broken this month" and my kid broke one, and it was left off), and my kid cared, and the kid was less than 8-9 years old, I would speak up. If it was a judgement call (like they usually put accomplishments of a similar level in the newsletter) I wouldn't, and would go with the "focus on what you've accomplished! Success is it's own reward!" path.
Once my kid got to be in the 8-9 range, I would work with him or her on advocating for themselves. "Oh, you're right, your record was left off. Hmm. How do you think we could get that fixed?" And then maybe help them to type an email or make a phone call to correct the error. |
Anonymous
| No. We do things to get the experience of doing them and/or to reach a new level of something. Not to get applauded for other people. |