Maternity leave - Not taking it all

[Anonymous]

Hi All,

Just wanted to get some advice. I am expecting in April, my employer offers 16 weeks maternity leave. Unfortunately, my husband was laid off last year and has been unable to find a new job since November.

Given our situation, although I am entitled to 16 weeks, we can't financially afford it (it's not fully paid) if my husband doesn't find a new job by April.


For those of you that went back to work pretty early after maternity leave, how did you feel, how soon did you return? Realistically speaking with our finances, it be good if I only took a month max..maybe 6 weeks but that's really pushing it. I realize this comes with a lot of challenges but it is what it is with our financial situation. I don't intend on having a C-section but obviously things can happen.

Any helpful advice would be great.

[Anonymous]

I think you should take the full leave or you will regret it.

[Anonymous]

Is this your 1st?

I took 4 months (baby 1); 2.5 months (baby 2) and 4 weeks (baby 3). I would not recommend 4 weeks if it is your 1st, unless you plan to telework.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the severity of your finances I think maybe Dh needs to get any job not just a job with the same salary. I think you’d want at least 8 weeks but you could do 6. I had an easy recovery but not all do. What’s the nature of your job? Can you telework? I had trouble with concentration after 4 weeks. Will your Dh be okay watching the baby? Do you have any annual leave saved?

I’m sorry you’re in this situation and hope he gets a job.

[Anonymous]

I think my husband would work as an amazon driver or something to pay bills if he couldn’t find a job in his field. It’s really nice taking 4 months off after a baby is born. I was a zombie for the first 4 months (my baby refused to sleep and breastfed nonstop).

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? If you work in DC you’re entitled to paid family leave.

[Anonymous]

OP, FWIW, I did not take all of my leave and I did not regret it.

As for advice, I would suggest that you wean the baby before you go back. After 4-6 weeks, lots of the benefits of BF have already been achieved. Pumping and working sucks, and if you are BF it is much harder for your DH to take night duty.

My second suggestion is that your DH take all of the overnight shifts so you can sleep. Trying to work while sleep deprived is awful.

My third suggestion is to be really kind to yourself and do not let people guilt trip you. You are going to get a lot of people telling you that (a) you will regret this, (b) you are harming your baby, (c) you don't love your baby, or (d) you are a bad mother for leaving your baby. Ignore these people and have confidence that you are doing what you need to do for you family and for your baby because you love your family and your baby. That is what a good mother does.

[Anonymous]

I’m at 8 weeks and nowhere near ready to go back. I feel like we are just on the verge of getting baby management under control, but my house hasn’t been cleaned in 8 weeks! We are barely staying afloat—and my husband is home with me 90% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? If you work in DC you’re entitled to paid family leave.

Up to $1,000 a week I believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I did not take all of my leave and I did not regret it.

As for advice, I would suggest that you wean the baby before you go back. After 4-6 weeks, lots of the benefits of BF have already been achieved. Pumping and working sucks, and if you are BF it is much harder for your DH to take night duty.

My second suggestion is that your DH take all of the overnight shifts so you can sleep. Trying to work while sleep deprived is awful.

My third suggestion is to be really kind to yourself and do not let people guilt trip you. You are going to get a lot of people telling you that (a) you will regret this, (b) you are harming your baby, (c) you don't love your baby, or (d) you are a bad mother for leaving your baby. Ignore these people and have confidence that you are doing what you need to do for you family and for your baby because you love your family and your baby. That is what a good mother does.

Thank you for this kind and thoughtful response

[Anonymous]

I think 4 weeks is really pushing it, and 6 will still be brutal overall, but physically you'll be in better shape. I would really try to make 6 your minimum. I'm thinking about the bleeding and pain while sitting, which were still bad for me for the first month.

My MIL had to go back to work as a medical resident within a few days of giving birth, so I know it CAN be done if you have no choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 4 weeks is really pushing it, and 6 will still be brutal overall, but physically you'll be in better shape. I would really try to make 6 your minimum. I'm thinking about the bleeding and pain while sitting, which were still bad for me for the first month.

My MIL had to go back to work as a medical resident within a few days of giving birth, so I know it CAN be done if you have no choice.

Agree that you should really really try to take at minimum 6 weeks, and with the earlier comments that your DH should be taking any job (Amazon warehouse, Uber driver, door dash, etc to make this feasible. Barring that, definitely echo the suggestion to switch to formula early and have DH take most of the night duty.

[Anonymous]

DC offers paid family leave. Up to 1000 for 8 weeks. You should be able to supplement that with your earned leave. Also, doesn’t your employer offer short term disability?

FWIW, I have had one instrumental birth and one C section and no way could I have gone back at 4 weeks—physically or emotionally. I think your partner needs to get a gig job to figure out how you can stay home longer. Your body goes through MAJOR trauma to give birth no matter how you deliver. Healing takes time. And you will have a needy newborn who will be fully dependent on you and you won’t be sleeping and your hormones will be out of whack. It’s so hard even in the best of circumstances. Give yourself as much time as possible.

[Anonymous]

At four weeks, you will still be bleeding. And leaking milk if you are nursing. Possibly leaking pee when you cough/sneeze/stand up. I couldn’t go up the stairs until three weeks, and I had an uncomplicated vagina birth. Walking around the block took until six weeks to be something I could do without stopping, and I walked miles a day in my final trimester.

You deserve longer, but you need at least six weeks. Rent a room in your house, sell your stuff, work at a grocery store, etc. Whatever it takes.

Also, America sucks.

[Anonymous]

UPS is hiring. It’s a good company to work for. See if he can get a job there for now, so you guys can bank some money. https://www.jobs-ups.com/