Maternity leave - Not taking it all

[Anonymous]

I would take as long as you can. If that is 6 weeks, that sucks but it is what it is. I assume that since your DH is at home, the plan is that he takes over child care. I would be MUCH more comfortable with going back to work earlier with baby staying with DH than daycare.

Some places allow for splits - so you can take your 6 weeks medical from recovery from child birth and then take the remaining time later. So, if hubby gets a job, you could go back on leave. Something to explore.

Also, don't lock yourself in. If at 6 weeks you are not ready, tell your boss you are extending. I wish I had the first time. I cried in my car every day, and I should have just extended my leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC offers paid family leave. Up to 1000 for 8 weeks. You should be able to supplement that with your earned leave. Also, doesn’t your employer offer short term disability?

FWIW, I have had one instrumental birth and one C section and no way could I have gone back at 4 weeks—physically or emotionally. I think your partner needs to get a gig job to figure out how you can stay home longer. Your body goes through MAJOR trauma to give birth no matter how you deliver. Healing takes time. And you will have a needy newborn who will be fully dependent on you and you won’t be sleeping and your hormones will be out of whack. It’s so hard even in the best of circumstances. Give yourself as much time as possible.

That’s a brutal assumption that all employers offer short term disability.

I got two weeks. It was rough, especially as my first was a horrible sleeper, spent a day in the ER at ten days old, etc. but we made it work. With my second, born 18 months later, I got four weeks which seemed luxurious in comparison (even though we moved week three).

Will you regret it? I mean it would have been none to have more time but i didn’t have a choice so I just did it. I is would have been way more stressed to be worrying about rent, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would try to take at least six weeks. Certainly, people go back to work sooner, because not everyone gets paid leave of any kind, or even job protections (not all businesses are covered by FMLA).

Also, if your husband isn't employed when you have to go back, at least he will be able to take care of the baby. So you'll save on daycare, plus you'll feel better if he's taking care of the baby.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - I was in your shoes two years ago. My husband has been laid off when his company closed and I was expecting my first. I was also a new fed with little leave saved up. Any leave I took would have been unpaid. I think one thing that many of the posters forget when they say “get any job” is that employers are hesitant to hire people who have had corporate careers and just need to fill a gap. My husband applied for retail and Amazon and even as a census worker and never got a call back from one. He would have taken anything. So I understand the stress you are under. I also assume he will be home with the baby so he would need to quit or scale back any gig he found which can also be hard.

My office highly discouraged pregnant moms asking for leave donations, but I did and got about a week covered. I worked up until the day I gave birth and then took 2.5 weeks paid 2 unpaid and went back 5 weeks after birth. I had a long labor (42 hours in the hospital/ 3 pushing) so I was sore for about a week, but by 3 weeks, I was able to take walks and loosen up. There was no choice for me not to go back, so I did. My DH watched our DD and did all the housework. I worked and then came home, cuddled and slept. It was tiring but I pushed through bc we have no family money to fall back on.

I say l this to emphasize with you and know the stress you are under. It’s possible and I’m rooting for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I was in your shoes two years ago. My husband has been laid off when his company closed and I was expecting my first. I was also a new fed with little leave saved up. Any leave I took would have been unpaid. I think one thing that many of the posters forget when they say “get any job” is that employers are hesitant to hire people who have had corporate careers and just need to fill a gap. My husband applied for retail and Amazon and even as a census worker and never got a call back from one. He would have taken anything. So I understand the stress you are under. I also assume he will be home with the baby so he would need to quit or scale back any gig he found which can also be hard.

My office highly discouraged pregnant moms asking for leave donations, but I did and got about a week covered. I worked up until the day I gave birth and then took 2.5 weeks paid 2 unpaid and went back 5 weeks after birth. I had a long labor (42 hours in the hospital/ 3 pushing) so I was sore for about a week, but by 3 weeks, I was able to take walks and loosen up. There was no choice for me not to go back, so I did. My DH watched our DD and did all the housework. I worked and then came home, cuddled and slept. It was tiring but I pushed through bc we have no family money to fall back on.

I say l this to emphasize with you and know the stress you are under. It’s possible and I’m rooting for you and your family.

This. People really don't understand the state of maternity leave for many, many women in this country. Take as much leave as you can, but don't feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

If BF doesn’t work for you after the first week, switch the formula. I was a wreck trying to breast feed for several weeks, then switched to EP. But my boobs were on fire for 10-12 weeks. I could barely put on a shirt.

I’m not sure, but I think by not breastfeeding, your hormones will calm down faster. If my baby wasn’t within sight, my hormones made me panicky. He’d be 20ft down the hall sleeping in a Bassinet next to DH and I’d be in the living room having to remind myself the baby was okay.

Have a plan for what will happen if you have a c-sec or difficult vaginal birth.
And once in labor, if things don't look like they are progressing, don’t push to wait, get a c-sec. The women I know that had super long labors then still had a c-sec had the worst recoveries.

Short maternity leave isn’t ideal, but can be done. Just be prepared for the emotions and hormones. Do what you can now to make life easier once baby is here. Freeze some food, super clean the house, etc.

[Anonymous]

I took 6 weeks with my first. Huge, huge mistake. Physically, I was fully recovered after only a week or so (easy vaginal birth). Emotionally and mentally, though, it was a disaster. DD#1 had horrible reflux and colic, and only slept when held upright...so we never slept more than about 2 hours at a time. I ended up with very bad PPA and PPD that was exacerbated by the lack of sleep. I went back to work anyway, because I am in a very heavily male-dominated field and didn’t want to appear like I couldn’t handle it. When I tell people I have no memory of DD#1’s first 6 months, they think I’m joking. I’m not. I was so exhausted and burned out, I legit don’t remember it.
I took 11 weeks when my second DD was born. That, combined with having a baby who actually slept, was a game-changer for my health and ability to function.
So much depends on not just how your physical recovery goes, but also what type of baby you get. And how much help you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I did not take all of my leave and I did not regret it.

As for advice, I would suggest that you wean the baby before you go back. After 4-6 weeks, lots of the benefits of BF have already been achieved. Pumping and working sucks, and if you are BF it is much harder for your DH to take night duty.

My second suggestion is that your DH take all of the overnight shifts so you can sleep. Trying to work while sleep deprived is awful.

My third suggestion is to be really kind to yourself and do not let people guilt trip you. You are going to get a lot of people telling you that (a) you will regret this, (b) you are harming your baby, (c) you don't love your baby, or (d) you are a bad mother for leaving your baby. Ignore these people and have confidence that you are doing what you need to do for you family and for your baby because you love your family and your baby. That is what a good mother does.

This was me as well. We depend on my salary and I couldn’t afford to take more than 8 weeks off. At that point I had healed and didn’t have issue returning to work. My son never got nursing so I had to pump but that actually helped the return to work and nights as my husband could take over. I agree with this poster about giving yourself grace. We don’t all have the same options and no one should pass judgement about others situations.

[Anonymous]

6 weeks... I could have gone back at six weeks after a vaginal birth. Only issue is lack of sleep but physically I could do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I did not take all of my leave and I did not regret it.

As for advice, I would suggest that you wean the baby before you go back. After 4-6 weeks, lots of the benefits of BF have already been achieved. Pumping and working sucks, and if you are BF it is much harder for your DH to take night duty.

My second suggestion is that your DH take all of the overnight shifts so you can sleep. Trying to work while sleep deprived is awful.

My third suggestion is to be really kind to yourself and do not let people guilt trip you. You are going to get a lot of people telling you that (a) you will regret this, (b) you are harming your baby, (c) you don't love your baby, or (d) you are a bad mother for leaving your baby. Ignore these people and have confidence that you are doing what you need to do for you family and for your baby because you love your family and your baby. That is what a good mother does.

From an evidence-based perspective this is incorrect and makes you look very ignorant.

Also, PP's third suggestion is presumptive and unhelpful. Perhaps she surrounds herself with negative people but I doubt anyone would judge you so harshly.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to get *any* job he can right now. He has 4 months to save up. Sometimes you don't get to choose how much leave you take off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I was in your shoes two years ago. My husband has been laid off when his company closed and I was expecting my first. I was also a new fed with little leave saved up. Any leave I took would have been unpaid. I think one thing that many of the posters forget when they say “get any job” is that employers are hesitant to hire people who have had corporate careers and just need to fill a gap. My husband applied for retail and Amazon and even as a census worker and never got a call back from one.

Male up a fake resume, lie, list your buddies as former bosses, etc.

Family comes first.

[Anonymous]

Take you full leave please. If you need to downsize your lifestyle that is preferable. There are plenty of side hustles that your hubby can pick up - everything from Secret Shopping to reselling items on Amazon. Apply for WFH opportunities that are shared on YouTube. If he has to work 3 part time jobs to make up for the 1 full time income then that's what he has to do until the economy gets better. Maybe visiting a career coach can help him figure out how to leverage the skills he already has so he doesn't have to depend on an employer. Is he handy? Can he do handy jobs and landscaping for elderly neighbors? Just some ideas of how to generate additional income in the interim. Pride gets pushed aside when it comes to providing for another mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I was in your shoes two years ago. My husband has been laid off when his company closed and I was expecting my first. I was also a new fed with little leave saved up. Any leave I took would have been unpaid. I think one thing that many of the posters forget when they say “get any job” is that employers are hesitant to hire people who have had corporate careers and just need to fill a gap. My husband applied for retail and Amazon and even as a census worker and never got a call back from one.

Male up a fake resume, lie, list your buddies as former bosses, etc.

Family comes first.

Lie? Until you get caught and are fired.

[Anonymous]

I took 6 weeks off with both of my kids. All that was available. I survived fine and so will you OP. The thought of having an 8 week old and never cleaning the house is laughable.