Christmas Family Drama— Multiple Choice Quiz!

[Anonymous]

I’d love to hear how the DCUM crowd would handle this situation. I have a gut feeling on how to move forward, but am always interested in others opinions and perspectives.

My sister and I are currently in a bad place. 4 years ago, at my bachelorette party, I apparently said something that offended her. Ive tried to speak her about it many times, apologized repeatedly, and accepted full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her (for the record no one else on the trip remembers my doing anything out of the norm, but that’s not the point). I know I hurt her, I am sorry for it, and I’ve said as much to her in voicemail and email. She still won’t speak to me. The past several years my husband and I have lived out of state, and we participated in gift exchanges by mail. She did send gifts to us.

This year we are back in the same town as my family. We also have a baby. We did a socially distant garage exchange of gifts. Due to what I assume are COVID related shipping delays, my gift to my sister hasn’t arrived yet-it was ordered 12/4. I printed off an imagine if the gift and let her know it was in route. She didn’t say anything, and as we left I realized she had not given my husband, baby, or me a gift this year.

So-here’s the quiz. Do I:
A) text her when the gift comes in, asking for her address so I can still give her the gift
B) email her and say I didn’t realize we were in such a bad place, and that if she didn’t want to do a gift exchange that’s fine, I’ll keep the gift when it arrives
C) keep the gift when it arrives but don’t reach out to her
D) some other option?

[Anonymous]

A.

[Anonymous]

A. You got her a gift. You told her about the gift. Give her the gift.

Then, drop the rope. Ball is in her court. If she makes no further effort or contact, follow that lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A. You got her a gift. You told her about the gift. Give her the gift.

Then, drop the rope. Ball is in her court. If she makes no further effort or contact, follow that lead.

this

[Anonymous]

A

[Anonymous]

Well, apart from you buying a gift for a sister that refuses to talk to you.....
just give her the gift when it arrives.

[Anonymous]

A. One of my brothers and SIL (they are not married, different sides of family) didn't get us gifts this year, they usually do, but we sent them stuff. I still haven't sent a gift to my best childhood friend - since we weren't going to see each other in person this year I assumed no gift exchange, but hers came in the mail, whoops. There is a lot of background family drama in your post but sometimes people just don't get it together, especially when the routine is so disrupted.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for A.

[Anonymous]

Definitely A. The mail has been insane this year.

[Anonymous]

OP here-thanks for the guy check. A was what I was thinking too. Just lots of baggage involved so I needed some outside perspective

[Anonymous]

You're not asking about this, but I'd work on apologizing better than accepting "full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her." Clearly she must have told you, but you haven't owned it. This is your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking about this, but I'd work on apologizing better than accepting "full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her." Clearly she must have told you, but you haven't owned it. This is your problem.

Or her sister has her own sh*t and is putting it on her.

[Anonymous]

A for this year.

I wouldn't buy a gift going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking about this, but I'd work on apologizing better than accepting "full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her." Clearly she must have told you, but you haven't owned it. This is your problem.

Or her sister has her own sh*t and is putting it on her.

Okay, OP. We'll see ya here next year with a new dose of drama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking about this, but I'd work on apologizing better than accepting "full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her." Clearly she must have told you, but you haven't owned it. This is your problem.

Or her sister has her own sh*t and is putting it on her.

Okay, OP. We'll see ya here next year with a new dose of drama!

Wait, OP has a sister who is so mad she won’t speak to her and she doesn’t know what for? Sorry, a bit slow, I was up really early.