Are the holidays helping or hurting your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I know divorce rates tend to pick up after the holidays either because people who know they want a divorce stick it out through November and December for the kids or all the forced togetherness amplifies already existing problems, but the pandemic already did that to us back in March. So how are you all doing?

For me the holidays help. Our schedules relax, we do fun things together, the kids are so excited, etc.

[Anonymous]

They neither help nor hurt. We are overall content and happy despite bickering here & there about normal stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They neither help nor hurt. We are overall content and happy despite bickering here & there about normal stuff.

Same. In a very loving and happy marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They neither help nor hurt. We are overall content and happy despite bickering here & there about normal stuff.

Same. In a very loving and happy marriage!

Same. The holidays are irrelevant to the foundation of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Help.
We’ve been together for 27 years and have two teenagers. The holidays are always a great time for us because our work schedules drop dramatically. We typically stay here, so there isn’t the added stress of visiting family or travel. There’s time to sleep in, relax, have alone time, have together time...everyone is just happier.

[Anonymous]

Neither. We have a great 20 year long marriage despite having a child with lifelong severe special needs. The holidays don’t create more stress for us. We have our own traditions that we are happy doing.

[Anonymous]

Changes based on my wife's mood. She's spoiled. On days she realizes it she's happy. On days she's got an attitude she's upset.

[Anonymous]

We will both miss being with our children this Christmas. So misery has company. I am angered by our peers who are traveling for big family gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Hurting. I have three cardiovascular issues and my wife doesn't back me up and tell her nitwit family to wear masks. I have no desire to visit and sit in a basement with nobody else wearing one.

[Anonymous]

Hurting. Every year I race around doing everything to make the holidays decent because DH acts like November and December are just random Tuesdays in March. He would let them pass by completely with no acknowledgement or effort on his part if I didn’t do stuff. Knowing that nothing will be under the tree or found at the grocery store or even washed and folded really puts the pressure on me and sucks a lot do the joy out of what should be a lovely time. And yes, he likes the holidays and he grew up with Christmas and he’s religious. He participates at the same level that a 6 year old boy would starting the day after Halloween through January 2nd. It’s off-putting and immature.

[Anonymous]

Hurting. Roughly speaking, the more time we spend together, the worse it is.

[Anonymous]

Hurts. Wife insists on every grand tradition, multiple card, gifts and everything in between. She burns herself out and complains the whole time

Our marriage is average and lacks intimacy so don't be like us.

[Anonymous]

Hurt, then help. I get a little neurotic leading up to Christmas and I know I stress DH and kids out. But then Christmas Eve and day I relax and enjoy. My family is always very grateful for what I’ve done to make it nice and it all seems worth it. (And yes my DH does help out, but I need to control certain aspects of it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hurting. Every year I race around doing everything to make the holidays decent because DH acts like November and December are just random Tuesdays in March. He would let them pass by completely with no acknowledgement or effort on his part if I didn’t do stuff. Knowing that nothing will be under the tree or found at the grocery store or even washed and folded really puts the pressure on me and sucks a lot do the joy out of what should be a lovely time. And yes, he likes the holidays and he grew up with Christmas and he’s religious. He participates at the same level that a 6 year old boy would starting the day after Halloween through January 2nd. It’s off-putting and immature.

I say this with care and kindness, OP: Stop being a martyr. Drop the rope. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurting. Every year I race around doing everything to make the holidays decent because DH acts like November and December are just random Tuesdays in March. He would let them pass by completely with no acknowledgement or effort on his part if I didn’t do stuff. Knowing that nothing will be under the tree or found at the grocery store or even washed and folded really puts the pressure on me and sucks a lot do the joy out of what should be a lovely time. And yes, he likes the holidays and he grew up with Christmas and he’s religious. He participates at the same level that a 6 year old boy would starting the day after Halloween through January 2nd. It’s off-putting and immature.

I say this with care and kindness, OP: Stop being a martyr. Drop the rope. Let it go.

Plus one. People make the holidays so so stressful instead a time for relaxing with family. My wife is like this, stressed to the max. For me, it's the only time of the work year things really slow down to let me relax. I wish we could just travel somewhere else for the holidays but she insists on every bell and whistle and hosting extended family.