Are the holidays helping or hurting your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hurting. Every year I race around doing everything to make the holidays decent because DH acts like November and December are just random Tuesdays in March. He would let them pass by completely with no acknowledgement or effort on his part if I didn’t do stuff. Knowing that nothing will be under the tree or found at the grocery store or even washed and folded really puts the pressure on me and sucks a lot do the joy out of what should be a lovely time. And yes, he likes the holidays and he grew up with Christmas and he’s religious. He participates at the same level that a 6 year old boy would starting the day after Halloween through January 2nd. It’s off-putting and immature.

Yes. I made a list one year of everything that needed to be done (shopping, baking, Christmas card photo, address and send
Christmas cards, order gifts, mail packages, teacher gifts, costumes for play, tree, lights, stocking
Stuffers, etc.) And asked him to take half the items. He said he planned on unwrapping his gifts and eating the turkey. I got no gifts.

[Anonymous]

People who say just do nothing for the holidays if a spouse won’t help? That’s ridiculous. I think that there have been some interesting studies highlighted during the virus that shows that one reason people feel so emptied out and exhausted by shutdowns is that without the normal rituals and events to mark and celebrate the passage of time, life becomes less meaningful and time passes differently. Humans created ritual for a reason, to give beauty and joy to an otherwise mundane and repetitive existence. Giving in to a lazy husband and ignoring the holidays to prove a point might save energy, but it would make a hard time even harder than “martyring” oneself. I’m not saying a Pinterest holiday is required. PPs are talking about DHs who can’t even use their previous phones to order a few gifts and groceries.

[Anonymous]

Helping.

I am DW and I don't stress for Christmas. This year I asked the kids that they can get any gift they want from Amazon. It does not even need to come before Christmas. There are no takers. So, there will not be any gift opening on Christmas.

However, there will be amazing food before, on, and after Christmas day. My kids are teens. They order what they want, when they want throughout the year, because they have access to Amazon and our paypal account. So there is pretty much nothing material they or we need. I could do with my cleaning lady back, but I have done without a cleaning lady since March.

I am looking forward to good food, some nice drinks, some movies with kids, napping, some good sex and snuggling, maybe some family pictures....