SIL too strict on toys

[Anonymous]

My SIL is black and my brother is white, their kids are mixed race. They have two kids, one is a 5 year old girl and the other a 3 year old boy. I found out that my SIL throws out any toys that I give them that aren't black, are popular, or are plastic. This has made gift giving really hard. I always try to give them toys since SIL doesn't buy them many, but I don't want them to get thrown out 5 seconds later. I feel like I should say something, but I also feel I should just MMOB because we aren't really that close. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I would buy the kids toys that are high quality and have black characters. Cloth dolls, wooden trains, puzzles.

[Anonymous]

Ask for suggestions or wish list.

[Anonymous]

I would ask “what do your kids want for Christmas?”

[Anonymous]

You can’t convince her to keep stuff in her house that she doesn’t want.

So, either find things that fit her ideas or make your peace the toy may not stick around for long.

I’d go with books. Look for diverse characters. “Here we read” is a great Instagram to find ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is black and my brother is white, their kids are mixed race. They have two kids, one is a 5 year old girl and the other a 3 year old boy. I found out that my SIL throws out any toys that I give them that aren't black, are popular, or are plastic. This has made gift giving really hard. I always try to give them toys since SIL doesn't buy them many, but I don't want them to get thrown out 5 seconds later. I feel like I should say something, but I also feel I should just MMOB because we aren't really that close. WWYD?

When I buy presents for my nephew and niece I ask my brother if my idea is good or not and he then tells me if "X" may be better. If you are close to your brother ask him what gifts his wife would approve. Now you know what she doesn't like it makes it easier to avoid that. That's what I would do. How did you find out the presents get thrown out? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Ask SIL to make an Amazon wishlist for the kids. This is what both sides of my family do and it works out perfectly. Don't say anything - you can't force her to keep or even donate unwanted toys.

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter what race she is? Sounds like you’re airing a weird racial grievance when you include that info, like her children won’t be given an opportunity to “explore their white heritage” or something 😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter what race she is? Sounds like you’re airing a weird racial grievance when you include that info, like her children won’t be given an opportunity to “explore their white heritage” or something 😬

OP here. I just thought some people would ask about it, so I included it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is black and my brother is white, their kids are mixed race. They have two kids, one is a 5 year old girl and the other a 3 year old boy. I found out that my SIL throws out any toys that I give them that aren't black, are popular, or are plastic. This has made gift giving really hard. I always try to give them toys since SIL doesn't buy them many, but I don't want them to get thrown out 5 seconds later. I feel like I should say something, but I also feel I should just MMOB because we aren't really that close. WWYD?

When I buy presents for my nephew and niece I ask my brother if my idea is good or not and he then tells me if "X" may be better. If you are close to your brother ask him what gifts his wife would approve. Now you know what she doesn't like it makes it easier to avoid that. That's what I would do. How did you find out the presents get thrown out? Just curious.

OP again. I've seen her throw them out a few times, and my mom who lives close to them says that she's also seen it, and that the girl comes to her sometimes saying that she'd have a toy one day and the next day it was gone.

[Anonymous]

Can you ive us an example of a popular toy she has thrown out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter what race she is? Sounds like you’re airing a weird racial grievance when you include that info, like her children won’t be given an opportunity to “explore their white heritage” or something 😬

It matters only because the black SIL only wants black toys. The black SIL is making it about race.

[Anonymous]

My SIL often returns the gifts I give her kids. I started a 529 for them instead of giving gifts. Will help the kids out in the long run and ensures my money isn’t thrown away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ive us an example of a popular toy she has thrown out?

OP again. Little People, LOL Surprise, Barbie even when the toys were black.

[Anonymous]

SIL is not wrong on her preferences. Her kids are little so she can choose for them. If it really bothers you OP put money in their 529 as presents