When to start thinking about a serrogate?

[Anonymous]

I just found out I am having my fourth miscarriage in 16 months. I have no living children - have never gotten past 6 weeks of pregnancy. This pregnancy I even got a 6 week scan and had a healthy embryo with a good heartbeat, but it was all gone by 7 weeks. I'm not a candidate for IVF -all of my tests have come back normal and I actually get pregnant very easily. I've had pregnancies tested and my spouse and I both karyotyped. No genetic abnormalities- my Dr. told me if they have gotten those embryos from IVF and tested them they would have used them. I have heard stories about people having success with their 7th or 8th try and I though I would go three or four more rounds before talking about surrogacy. However, I'm starting to feel like that would be a waste of time. I'm 35 and my spouse is approaching 40. I had hoped to have two children, but would probably stop at one if we used a surrogate. Should we give it another year? Start now? For anyone who has used a surrogate, when did you decide to go that way? It is such a huge amount of money. We can manage it, but it would wipe out our regular savings.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for all you are going through. Have you consulted a specialist for repeated pregnancy losses?

[Anonymous]

What kind of dr are you seeing? If just a regular OB I would at least get a consult with a reproductive endocrinologist and an MFM.

[Anonymous]

Have you had your thyroid tested? Especially at the beginning of the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Also have you looked at potential immune issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out I am having my fourth miscarriage in 16 months. I have no living children - have never gotten past 6 weeks of pregnancy. This pregnancy I even got a 6 week scan and had a healthy embryo with a good heartbeat, but it was all gone by 7 weeks. I'm not a candidate for IVF -all of my tests have come back normal and I actually get pregnant very easily. I've had pregnancies tested and my spouse and I both karyotyped. No genetic abnormalities- my Dr. told me if they have gotten those embryos from IVF and tested them they would have used them. I have heard stories about people having success with their 7th or 8th try and I though I would go three or four more rounds before talking about surrogacy. However, I'm starting to feel like that would be a waste of time. I'm 35 and my spouse is approaching 40. I had hoped to have two children, but would probably stop at one if we used a surrogate. Should we give it another year? Start now? For anyone who has used a surrogate, when did you decide to go that way? It is such a huge amount of money. We can manage it, but it would wipe out our regular savings.

Go to a fertility specialist. Ob Gyn often don’t test for same things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out I am having my fourth miscarriage in 16 months. I have no living children - have never gotten past 6 weeks of pregnancy. This pregnancy I even got a 6 week scan and had a healthy embryo with a good heartbeat, but it was all gone by 7 weeks. I'm not a candidate for IVF -all of my tests have come back normal and I actually get pregnant very easily. I've had pregnancies tested and my spouse and I both karyotyped. No genetic abnormalities- my Dr. told me if they have gotten those embryos from IVF and tested them they would have used them. I have heard stories about people having success with their 7th or 8th try and I though I would go three or four more rounds before talking about surrogacy. However, I'm starting to feel like that would be a waste of time. I'm 35 and my spouse is approaching 40. I had hoped to have two children, but would probably stop at one if we used a surrogate. Should we give it another year? Start now? For anyone who has used a surrogate, when did you decide to go that way? It is such a huge amount of money. We can manage it, but it would wipe out our regular savings.

When you say no genetic abnormalities, does that mean the products of conception were for genetic abnormalities? If so then I would think about seeing a reproductive immunologist (I assume you are already under the care of reproductive endocrinologist, if not definitely that is your first stop). If they products of conception were not genetically tested (not just pathology), then your doctor has no business saying that the embryos would have been transferred in IVF. PGT-A genetic testing is not perfect, but for someone like you, who is likely producing a lot of genetically abnormal blasts, it can save you a lot of time and heartache.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others who say if you're not already working with a reproductive endocrinologist, that should be your first stop, with a reproductive immunologist a close second. A regular OB-GYN doesn't know anything about this stuff; they're just not trained for it. At 35 you probably still have a good chance of having one (or more!) children whether on your own or through surrogacy if need be, but I wouldn't wait any longer to get started working with specialists to figure out what the likely root of your issue is.

I went the gestational carrier (we used that term rather than surrogate, since it was our own embryo) route after a late-term miscarriage and ensuing D&C left me with Asherman's syndrome, and follow-up implantation issues made it clear to me that the chances of me being able to carry a pregnancy to term was almost nil. It is very expensive and we too spent all our regular savings on it, but we have not regretted it. And I'll say, too, the process was in some ways easier than I expected. Yes, it's pricy, and there's a lot of heavy emotional labor involved - dealing with your own feelings about not being able to carry your own pregnancy; inviting another woman (and her own husband/family, if she has one) into your lives in such an intimate way, even if only for the duration of the surrogacy itself; worrying about what others may be thinking about you - but there are really good doctors, psychologists, and lawyers who know the process and step you through it. Women who are willing to be GCs are such remarkable people and in some ways I came out of the process feeling like the world is a better place than I did going in, because of the generosity, compassion, and love I experienced. And a good lawyer/agency will take care to match you with someone who is a fit for your personality, too.

I guess I'm just saying, don't let fear of the unknown hold you back at this stage. It can take a long time to get matched with the right GC, and all the medical stuff also takes a long time. Our match took a year, and we weren't what I would consider picky (we had no race/religion/weird food/activity/medical restrictions for the GC - apparently those are not uncommon!). Then not only do you have to go through the whole IVF process, but once you are matched your GC will have to have a good deal of medical testing/procedures, you have to write a contract, you have to both go through psychological - I wouldn't call them exams, but conversations with a psychologist (which I was surprised to find actually quite reassuring, so don't let that scare you either). It's better to start the process and then withdraw if for any reason you want to, rather than wait while your egg quality just diminishes more with age.

Regarding your desire to have more than one child: I learned that many GCs go into the process willing to either have two embryos implanted with the understanding that it may result in a twin birth, or with the expectation that they may someday also carry a sibling for your child. If you do an egg retrieval that results in several good embryos there's no reason you can't freeze them and hold them even for years. And if you are able to use already-created embryos and the same GC with a renewed contract, at least some of the costs would be less in a second round.

I'm wishing you good luck, whatever your route (I really hope an immunologist can solve your issues and everything I've said here you'll never have to worry about!), and also sending you and your DH lots of sympathy for your miscarriages. That's so, so hard. Take care, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest Dr. Abbasid at Columbia Fertility for your repeated pregnancy loss. She’s a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in immunology (a common cause of RPL). She will run all the tests to figure out what’s really going on.

[Anonymous]

A fertility specialist will tell you if it’s time to start thinking about a surrogate.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your losses. You need a full recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) work up, plus immune testing. Your OB absolutely cannot do thorough enough testing to rule out all issues. I have multiple friends that had 6+ losses and eventually had success once their RE figured out the cause.