what's the best solution to this?

[Anonymous]

my husband is a physician with an irregular schedule that he has little control over. I currently have a very predictable and very boring job. I have the opportunity for a substantially more exciting job but it would require me to be available for things more last minute and at irregular hours. I'd still have about the same amount of time with my kids in total, but couldn't get by with just a 8-5 type nanny.

I have a 1, 3, and 5 year old so not kids that can take care of themselves for 30min if I have a 7am call. Ideally, we'd have eagerly helpful family nearby but we don't have any family within a days drive.

Is the best solution an au pair? A live in nanny? I guess what I basically need is someone always available and capable of caring for the kids outside the hours of a 8-5 nanny, but we won't actually need them that much.

I'm trying to get creative on how to make this work before giving up on it b/c i'd really like to take this job and it'd still leave enough hours in the day to spend with my kids, just not 100% predictably given i have a spouse that i can't ever count on to be there to cover.

[Anonymous]

If you want someone to be "always available" you will have to pay them for that. You can't expect that just because your care giver lives in, that they will be willing to work at a moment's notice.
So it sounds like the solution would be for you to pay accordingly for a 24/7 nanny. Is that in your budget?

[Anonymous]

Do you know your/DH’s schedule in advance? You might be able to make do with a roster of people to call if you can give a few days notice.

But if he just might not come home on time one day with no warning (bc he is in surgery or whatever), then I don’t think you can take the job with kids this young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want someone to be "always available" you will have to pay them for that. You can't expect that just because your care giver lives in, that they will be willing to work at a moment's notice.
So it sounds like the solution would be for you to pay accordingly for a 24/7 nanny. Is that in your budget?

Yes I have the budget for that and obviously will pay and don't expect any one person to be available 24/7. I will continue with our regular day time care and am looking for solutions that other people have found for early mornings / evenings and an understanding of how it went for them". Since you seem to be on an antagonizing path I'll go ahead and say for you "omg why did you even bother to have kids" or whatever troll like comment you'd like to make

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know your/DH’s schedule in advance? You might be able to make do with a roster of people to call if you can give a few days notice.

But if he just might not come home on time one day with no warning (bc he is in surgery or whatever), then I don’t think you can take the job with kids this young.

No unfortunately he can't be pinned down in advance which is so so frustrating for my career b/c there are so few interesting jobs that can be always neatly contained in pre-set hours and right now its possible for me to take a call outside of the hours I have childcare b/c they can't just be losely supervised at this age. Our kids get (and would continue to get) plenty of time with parents, its just needing the backup coverage that a SAH spouse / live-in grandma etc would offer. Not a ton of hours or regular schedule, but someone your kids are comfortable with and they're available to step in. I feel like an au pair would probably be the most affordable solution if I could find one that wanted this schedule, but i'm not sure someone inexperienced could handle 3 young kids on their own

[Anonymous]

How early will your early days be?

[Anonymous]

There are many families that have a full time nanny and an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Maybe i am misunderstanding what you are looking for.
When I read your post, what I am imagining is:
-On a random Tuesday morning at 6:45 am, you are knocking on your live in nanny/au pair's door telling her that your work scheduled a conference call in 15 minutes and you need her to wake up and watch the kids.

But maybe what you mean is:
-On Thursday afternoon you sit down with the nanny and say "Stacy, next week I'm going to need you on Monday from 7 am -9 am, and then again from 3-4 pm. I don't need you on Tuesday, but on Wednesday i will need you from 10 am-6 pm."

Which version is closer to what you are looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want someone to be "always available" you will have to pay them for that. You can't expect that just because your care giver lives in, that they will be willing to work at a moment's notice.
So it sounds like the solution would be for you to pay accordingly for a 24/7 nanny. Is that in your budget?

Yes I have the budget for that and obviously will pay and don't expect any one person to be available 24/7. I will continue with our regular day time care and am looking for solutions that other people have found for early mornings / evenings and an understanding of how it went for them". Since you seem to be on an antagonizing path I'll go ahead and say for you "omg why did you even bother to have kids" or whatever troll like comment you'd like to make

It’s not the pp that sounds antagonistic. But I get it; you are obviously an experienced DCUMer and therefore preemptively defensive. Usually it takes a bit longer before the OP starts snapping at the posters after seeking advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe i am misunderstanding what you are looking for.
When I read your post, what I am imagining is:
-On a random Tuesday morning at 6:45 am, you are knocking on your live in nanny/au pair's door telling her that your work scheduled a conference call in 15 minutes and you need her to wake up and watch the kids.

But maybe what you mean is:
-On Thursday afternoon you sit down with the nanny and say "Stacy, next week I'm going to need you on Monday from 7 am -9 am, and then again from 3-4 pm. I don't need you on Tuesday, but on Wednesday i will need you from 10 am-6 pm."

Which version is closer to what you are looking for?

In the middle I think? I'd know the day at the latest I think. Mornings and evenings on my own with all 3 are rough, so I'm thinking given I'll have to pay for the time anyways, having someone that can generally help me in the morning rush and then again with maybe preparing dinner / getting everyone to bed would be the norm but one of two of those slots a week I'd just need them to do it on their own. I can't imagine a live in nanny would want so few hours, it'd probably be ideal for a lot of au pairs but I dont know if they're generally capable with 3 young kids? I thought about having 2 live out nannies, one that could cover like 7-1 and the other 1-8 (again witth me there for a lot of those hours but needing the coverage in case i can't be) but for some reason that feels like juggling more. but maybe its not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe i am misunderstanding what you are looking for.
When I read your post, what I am imagining is:
-On a random Tuesday morning at 6:45 am, you are knocking on your live in nanny/au pair's door telling her that your work scheduled a conference call in 15 minutes and you need her to wake up and watch the kids.

But maybe what you mean is:
-On Thursday afternoon you sit down with the nanny and say "Stacy, next week I'm going to need you on Monday from 7 am -9 am, and then again from 3-4 pm. I don't need you on Tuesday, but on Wednesday i will need you from 10 am-6 pm."

Which version is closer to what you are looking for?

In the middle I think? I'd know the day BEFORE at the latest I think. Mornings and evenings on my own with all 3 are rough, so I'm thinking given I'll have to pay for the time anyways, having someone that can generally help me in the morning rush and then again with maybe preparing dinner / getting everyone to bed would be the norm but one of two of those slots a week I'd just need them to do it on their own. I can't imagine a live in nanny would want so few hours, it'd probably be ideal for a lot of au pairs but I dont know if they're generally capable with 3 young kids? I thought about having 2 live out nannies, one that could cover like 7-1 and the other 1-8 (again witth me there for a lot of those hours but needing the coverage in case i can't be) but for some reason that feels like juggling more. but maybe its not.

[Anonymous]

I know a two-physician couple who provided free room and board in exchange for this occasional last minute coverage outside of the standard workday (when they had regular childcare).
It seemed to work out well for them.

I am also not really sure what exactly you are looking for, but I have had au pairs in the past, and it is a LOT of work and expense. I don't think it would be worth it for just a few hours/wk of childcare, and I don't think either of you would really be happy.

[Anonymous]

I would stick with the boring job for right now. In five years, your kids will be in such a different place, and the exciting, unpredictable job will definitely be a possibility. But right now, you have enough craziness and unpredictability in your family life. Keep work boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a two-physician couple who provided free room and board in exchange for this occasional last minute coverage outside of the standard workday (when they had regular childcare).
It seemed to work out well for them.

I am also not really sure what exactly you are looking for, but I have had au pairs in the past, and it is a LOT of work and expense. I don't think it would be worth it for just a few hours/wk of childcare, and I don't think either of you would really be happy.

What type of person did they find for this?

And I'm not exactly sure either given I'm not in the job and everything is weird right now with people dealing with all sorts of stuff re covid. The gist is that its an external facing role so while I can often control my own schedule, if something is on fire I can't say "sorry its impossible for me to talk to you guys for 3 hours while I'm doing dinner / bath / bed for my kids". Its not a job where the expectation is crazy long hours, but its a tiny company and the expectation of this role would be that when shit hits the fan I could dig in and solve it b/c there's no one else to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stick with the boring job for right now. In five years, your kids will be in such a different place, and the exciting, unpredictable job will definitely be a possibility. But right now, you have enough craziness and unpredictability in your family life. Keep work boring.

I think that that's probably the safe/ right / logical answer but this is an amazing c-suite level opportunity (small company) that I worry I won't ever have again if I stay in my very mommy track role for another 5 years. I'd love to give it a shot b/c the worst that would happen is that it'd be too much and I'd move on but at least I knew I tried, but short of having my own stay at home spouse I'm not sure how I'd be available enough for it to even get started.