Logistics of separating from husband when kids are involved
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Anonymous
| My DH and I have one 5-year old child. For many reasons I have decided to separate from him, but I am not sure how to go about it to maintain some sort of normalcy for our child and not affecting my custody rights shall we proceed with divorce. I am not financially dependent on my husband, so that is not a concern. I was thinking of proposing to rent an apartment and let each of us move there for a week at a time while the other stays in our house with the kid. I am worried however that my husband will refuse this arrangement. What are my other options? I am concerned that if I just move out it might play against me if we end up in a custody battle. Any advice? I am beyond the point of wanting to work on this relationship and really need a break, so I would appreciate if the advice could focus on the practicalities of the separation. TIA! |
Anonymous
| You really need to secure a lawyer and have them help you pick the best and smartest way to do this. |
Anonymous
| You need a property settlement agreement before moving households. You can do a separation in the home. You need to see a mediator or an attorney to draw up that property settlement agreement...that means there will be no custody battle. You figure out the terms up front either with your own lawyers or with a mediator. Do not move out. He might agree to that but you need to agree on custody stuff upfront with kids. |
Anonymous
| Ask a lawyer. Not a bunch of moms with an English degree. |
Anonymous
Some lawyers are better than others, some moms have been through 3 divorces already. 
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Anonymous
| FWIW, I am divorced, had consultations with 3 attorneys and not one could give me good advice how to do this other than doing the PSA. |
Anonymous
| I would offer that to him via email (or followed by email if you have a verbal conversation). If he does not agree, I would tell him (again with documentation, such as email) that you are going to move out and how would he like to share custody pending a court order. Just be open to a 50-50 custody split (or document he doesn’t want that) and you will be fine. |
Anonymous
| Talk to a therapist for yourself and one that specializes in children. Agree with the poster to say talk with several lawyers. They will each have their approach and you should shop around if you will. Get a support network of family and/or friends if you don't already have that. |
Anonymous
For a variety of reasons, I do not recommend this. You each need your own space. Not to create an ex-spouse AirBnB. |
Anonymous
| Normal isn't parent going back and for every other week. You each have a place and child has a room in each place. For a young child rotate every few days. |
Anonymous
| My lawyer advised me not to move out without a PSA in place. otherwise, it could be considered abandonment by the court. Plus I needed the PSA to get the money I needed to buy a condo near the house. |
Anonymous
| You move out, your husband gets primary custody and the house. Because it's not him who wants to end the marriage. |
Anonymous
And this is why dcum is a bad place to get advice since of course it doesn’t matter to custody or financial settlement who chooses to get the divorce. |
Anonymous
PP here. I think this is totally fine for a separation. It is temporary. |
Anonymous
| Don't birdnest, it's stupid. |