What to do when you realize your spouse is a bad person

[Anonymous]

Through a series of events (emotional abuse, selfishness, cheating) and close observation of how he treats other people, I have realized my spouse is a bad person. He doesn't have good morals or personal integrity. It doesn't help that his family is also selfish and terrible.

I don't know if I can continue this marriage. I don't know why I did not see this before.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. Once you see that side of someone, you can't un-see it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this right now. It hurts at first, but now I'm repelled by him. I'm sad that he isn't the person he used to be, but I'm glad that we're splitting up. I feel incredibly guilty that I had children with him.

Just leave. Don't "stick it out for the kids." Sticking it out for the kids is when you have a boring, roommate-like spouse. Not someone who is an emotional vampire. And cheating is a form of physical assault (indirectly). You don't have to die inside to save your kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who lacked morals and/or was a bad person. I'd develop an exit plan and end it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. Sometimes we see what we want to see for so long, and then reality comes and bites us in the butt. If you don't think it's salvageable, then focus on splitting up and starting a better life for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. Once you see that side of someone, you can't un-see it.

This. I'm sorry, OP. Marriage to someone like that must be intolerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in this right now. It hurts at first, but now I'm repelled by him. I'm sad that he isn't the person he used to be, but I'm glad that we're splitting up. I feel incredibly guilty that I had children with him.

Just leave. Don't "stick it out for the kids." Sticking it out for the kids is when you have a boring, roommate-like spouse. Not someone who is an emotional vampire. And cheating is a form of physical assault (indirectly). You don't have to die inside to save your kids.

+100 this is a really good point

[Anonymous]

Divorce unless you condone it.

[Anonymous]

Leave

[Anonymous]

Easy Peasy.

You deserve better.

(And if you have kids, he sounds like a scary role model. They only go thru their formative years once. Look at how closely the Trump progeny mirror their morally bankrupt dad!)

[Anonymous]

I"m sorry, OP. I'm going through this now too and we are separating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. Once you see that side of someone, you can't un-see it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Will he get help or does he have any motivation to change?

[Anonymous]

OP, this isn’t for you because it’s too late, but others who are reading this: PLEASE test these kinds of things before getting married and procreating. Dating isn’t just to have fun - it’s to figure out of someone is a good life partner. If someone’s values don’t align, you should not continue the relationship- much easier to sort while dating vs breaking up a family after marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Ahh poo. I thought you were going to say you found out your spouse was in the mafia.