What to do when you realize your spouse is a bad person

[Anonymous]

If you have kids you don’t want them growing up with a bad person in the house, right?

Just leave. It sucks but cut your losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t for you because it’s too late, but others who are reading this: PLEASE test these kinds of things before getting married and procreating. Dating isn’t just to have fun - it’s to figure out of someone is a good life partner. If someone’s values don’t align, you should not continue the relationship- much easier to sort while dating vs breaking up a family after marriage and kids.

B@tch, please. A lot of people are completely monogamous and follow their stated morals and have integrity for 20-some years. People change. The change can be drastic, even to themselves. A lot of people go frickin’ crazy completely out of character in midlife and blow up families. Dating somebody for a few years in your 20s and even living together is very different than multiple kids, jobs, life stresses, ill parents and the monotony of raising children in the early years. Some people are very ill-equipped for that and they sure didn’t know it at 28 or 30...but hey at 48 or 52 and reaching a modicum of personal success they suddenly morph into entitled @ssholes.

Expect to have people completely surprise u in life...

[Anonymous]

OP, dealing with the same thing. Only it’s my wife who is awful—found out at 50 she’s a serial cheater and manipulative liar. She’s severely disordered, passive aggressive nasty.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's terrible when you find out. It seems like all the choices are bad -- especially if you have kids.

I chose to end our relationship. It was painful, but life is infinitely better, and I say that as a person who is less well off financially and has chosen to focus on my kids instead of starting any new relationships.

My life is a huge relief now. When I was in it, I didn't understand what an incredible trauma it was and how deeply it was hurting me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t for you because it’s too late, but others who are reading this: PLEASE test these kinds of things before getting married and procreating. Dating isn’t just to have fun - it’s to figure out of someone is a good life partner. If someone’s values don’t align, you should not continue the relationship- much easier to sort while dating vs breaking up a family after marriage and kids.

B@tch, please. A lot of people are completely monogamous and follow their stated morals and have integrity for 20-some years. People change. The change can be drastic, even to themselves. A lot of people go frickin’ crazy completely out of character in midlife and blow up families. Dating somebody for a few years in your 20s and even living together is very different than multiple kids, jobs, life stresses, ill parents and the monotony of raising children in the early years. Some people are very ill-equipped for that and they sure didn’t know it at 28 or 30...but hey at 48 or 52 and reaching a modicum of personal success they suddenly morph into entitled @ssholes.

Expect to have people completely surprise u in life...

+100000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t for you because it’s too late, but others who are reading this: PLEASE test these kinds of things before getting married and procreating. Dating isn’t just to have fun - it’s to figure out of someone is a good life partner. If someone’s values don’t align, you should not continue the relationship- much easier to sort while dating vs breaking up a family after marriage and kids.

B@tch, please. A lot of people are completely monogamous and follow their stated morals and have integrity for 20-some years. People change. The change can be drastic, even to themselves. A lot of people go frickin’ crazy completely out of character in midlife and blow up families. Dating somebody for a few years in your 20s and even living together is very different than multiple kids, jobs, life stresses, ill parents and the monotony of raising children in the early years. Some people are very ill-equipped for that and they sure didn’t know it at 28 or 30...but hey at 48 or 52 and reaching a modicum of personal success they suddenly morph into entitled @ssholes.

Expect to have people completely surprise u in life...

+100000000000000000

+200000000000000000

[Anonymous]

People Change. And not always for the better. And as Anne Lamott says, "People crack up."

I divorced a man like this, OP. I am now happy and at peace. You can't live with a bad person. It will suck the life out of you, and I feel that people like that just get worse and worse with age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. Once you see that side of someone, you can't un-see it.

+1