How frequently do you see your MIL/FIL? (local)

[Anonymous]

We live 40 mins away from my parents-in-law and my MIL calls my DH literally every week asking us to come visit/stay over. We do visit often every other week but rarely stay over their house because it is kinda messy/dirty and has pets and I get allergic reaction all the time. I understand it is hard to maintain a big house at their age and they still have two sons (in their 20s) living with them but not helpful because guys just don't consider it as dirty.

This weekend, my MIH got jealous knowing that my DH and I stayed at my aunt's (1.5 hr away) for 4 days. I just don't like the feeling that I owe anyone a visit because I do visit a lot... My parents live in Europe, so we only get to visit every other year! However, we visit MIL every other week and always go for any holiday gatherings, but that still seems not enough. My DH is one of five sons, and MIL did hinted she bonded the best with him.. BUT she has five and two are still living with her! Two(including DH) live locally 40mins drive. If we have kids, it might make sense MIL wanna see the grandkids, BUT we don't and their is no grandkids in the family yet.

I am curious how frequently do other people visit their local MIL/FIL to see what considers normal

[Anonymous]

Why did you tell MIL about another visit? Why did your husband? It's none of her business. Don't mention things she doesn't need to know. Be vague. You can even lie. She is not owed information about your comings and goings.

[Anonymous]

Why are you seeing old people during a global pandemic?!

[Anonymous]

Like many of this MIL/FIL posts your problem sounds a lot more like the fact that you don't like your MIL and FIL than anything else. Get over it. These are the people who love your husband and your kids unconditionally. You don't sound like you have a lot of love in you so you should be very happy that other people do and they're sharing it with the people in your family.

[Anonymous]

Let your husband take the kids for visits. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband take the kids for visits. Problem solved.

Wait, you don't have kids? Let him go alone if he wants.

[Anonymous]

It may not just be your husband she enjoys seeing but you since she or has sons. Can you invite her for a weekend to stay at your house and do a girls day out to bond with her one day, then have your husband take her out to dinner by himself.

[Anonymous]

My parents live 40 mins away and we see them twice a week. They do not visit us. I want my kids to have that relationship so I do put in the effort.

ILs are not in the picture- each has a second family so outside of pandemic, once a year or so. One visits us, the other we visit. 2 h away.

[Anonymous]

OP said there are NO kids. With a 40 minute drive, there is not a chance I would stay over with or without animals. I prefer to wake up in my own house. Remember OP that MIL is “inviting” you to visit. It is not a summons. Is your DH willing to go alone? Personally, I would ship a visit every so often.

[Anonymous]

Uh, stay over for what? Less than an hour away means no sleep overs, ever. Unless both his abs and wife drink way too much at dinner, in which case, get your life together. Or unless MIL or FIL was recovering from major surgery or something. WTF adult sleepovers? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Stay over? Only 40 minutes away? Heck no. You're not children anymore. Drive your asses back home after dinner.

[Anonymous]

You live 40 mins away and she wants you to stay over, uh no, that distance is not worth staying over, go see them for a couple of hours or whatever and go home, there is no point in staying. its only 40mins.

You see them every other weekend which is fine. If your husband wants to see them more, he can go visit when you have other plans.

You are young, I completely understand wanting time to see your other friends and also have some couple time. Just because you are married doesn't mean you have to spend every weekend with your MIL. Put boundaries into place now, its easier now than letting it drag on forever and then doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like many of this MIL/FIL posts your problem sounds a lot more like the fact that you don't like your MIL and FIL than anything else. Get over it. These are the people who love your husband and your kids unconditionally. You don't sound like you have a lot of love in you so you should be very happy that other people do and they're sharing it with the people in your family.

Oh my this is so dramatic. OP does see her MIL every other weekend which is fine. OP also wants to see her family which she mentions she saw once, I'm sure she wants to see her friends, none of that means she doesn't like her MIL, it just means that she is happy with the amount of time they visit and doesn't want to be pressured into more time.

BTW we live 40mins from our families and we never stay over, its not that much of a drive however my MIL in the beginning also wanted us staying the whole weekend with them, its controlling, we were young and wanted our lives to be balanced, which is healthy.

To you family is everything, family is important however its good to also have other people in your life, other family, other friends and its really important to enjoy that couple time and build your relationship, in healthy families this is recognized and its not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Your DH (and kids if you have any) can visit and stay over. You don't have to be there, since you're allergic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like many of this MIL/FIL posts your problem sounds a lot more like the fact that you don't like your MIL and FIL than anything else. Get over it. These are the people who love your husband and your kids unconditionally. You don't sound like you have a lot of love in you so you should be very happy that other people do and they're sharing it with the people in your family.

You again. The spurned mil. Please get therapy.