What would you want in this situation?

[Anonymous]

SIL (with whom I am close) miscarried a few days before hosting a baby shower for me this weekend. She did not want to cancel it, not participate, etc., and I had my own sister who was cohosting take charge during the actual event. I tried to give SIL some space over the last few days, while reaching out over text to let her know I'm thinking about her. Do I keep doing the same thing now? Something else? I wanted to send both her and my sister flowers as a thank you for the shower, but I don't know if some gesture like that now may actually be more painful (though if I send to her, I would focus the note on thinking about her and not my shower). Not a situation I would ever have imagined, and I am just not sure what is actually best thing to do for her. Any perspectives would be much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL (with whom I am close) miscarried a few days before hosting a baby shower for me this weekend. She did not want to cancel it, not participate, etc., and I had my own sister who was cohosting take charge during the actual event. I tried to give SIL some space over the last few days, while reaching out over text to let her know I'm thinking about her. Do I keep doing the same thing now? Something else? I wanted to send both her and my sister flowers as a thank you for the shower, but I don't know if some gesture like that now may actually be more painful (though if I send to her, I would focus the note on thinking about her and not my shower). Not a situation I would ever have imagined, and I am just not sure what is actually best thing to do for her. Any perspectives would be much appreciated.

I think flowers are nice. I would continue to give her space and understand that it might get harder for her once the baby comes (maybe not everyone is different). I’d continue to reach out occasionally via text and take the lead. If she wants to talk about it with you, she will, but I think she probably won’t because of how different your situations are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL (with whom I am close) miscarried a few days before hosting a baby shower for me this weekend. She did not want to cancel it, not participate, etc., and I had my own sister who was cohosting take charge during the actual event. I tried to give SIL some space over the last few days, while reaching out over text to let her know I'm thinking about her. Do I keep doing the same thing now? Something else? I wanted to send both her and my sister flowers as a thank you for the shower, but I don't know if some gesture like that now may actually be more painful (though if I send to her, I would focus the note on thinking about her and not my shower). Not a situation I would ever have imagined, and I am just not sure what is actually best thing to do for her. Any perspectives would be much appreciated.

I think flowers are nice. I would continue to give her space and understand that it might get harder for her once the baby comes (maybe not everyone is different). I’d continue to reach out occasionally via text and take the lead. If she wants to talk about it with you, she will, but I think she probably won’t because of how different your situations are now.

Sorry LET HER take the lead.

[Anonymous]

I had two miscarriages during my SIL's successful pregnancy. We have always had a great relationship but have grown closer over this time. Everyone is different. I think you should talk to her. Staying engaged with your pregnancy might help her (it helps me), or it might be painful. There is no way to know or guess the right thing to do without having a heartfelt conversation about it with her- and probably continue having that conversation because how she feels might change.

[Anonymous]

Was this an in person shower? Where do you live? I find it bizarre that anyone would be doing this let alone a pregnant person

[Anonymous]

I think you're doing it perfectly and OP, and I think the flowers idea, with the sentiments you expressed, is great.