Mom is angry that my son's step-grandparents send him gifts

[Anonymous]

My 7-year-old's stepmom's parents have sent him gifts for his birthday and Christmas for the past few years. I think it's harmless and a very sweet gesture, but when my mom found out about it on Thanksgiving, she blew a gasket.

She then texted my ex and told him to tell his wife's parents to cease and desist (LOL) with sending gifts. My ex kind of shrugged it off and texted me with, "uh, is your mom ok?" My ex and I have worked really hard to co-parent in divorce, and so far, my son's stepmom has been a positive addition to his life. She's a former teacher and a child of divorce herself, so she gets it.

I told my mom that she needs to back off; these people are just being kind, and they aren't trying to "replace" her, which was her word for it. My ex's parents are both deceased, and my dad is not in the picture because he's a toxic person. I think my mom is being overly sensitive about this. The gifts they send are also not extravagant (think small Lego sets and activity kits), and they live several states away, so they aren't trying to horn in on the grandparent role -- they've met him twice in his life. I just don't think it's any different from a family friend sending a gift. At any rate, my mom is pouting and has not returned texts or calls since Thursday night. Happy holidays!

Am I off base here? I just feel like she was out of line.

[Anonymous]

I think she is out of line and thinking only of herself, not her grandchild. Grandchild has only ONE grandparent in his life. It doesn't hurt that other grandparent types acknowledge him. Every kid want to feel he has community if it is at all possible.

And know that your husband will tell his wife and she might tell her parents and then it will all stop. I would tell husband's wife that her parents' efforts are appreciated. And know, I do not have a step-grandchild.

[Anonymous]

^* no

[Anonymous]

She is way out of line. Is that normal for her? Is she lonely? Maybe ask her if she’s doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Your mom was out of line for even thinking this let alone sending your ex a message about it. I would never allow my mother to act in such negative way around my family. Bye mom!

[Anonymous]

You're totally right.

[Anonymous]

As the stepmother whose parents send their “step”grandchild gifts for all major occasions, this is unimaginable to me. How unkind of your mother! There are always multiple grandparents, the concept of replacement doesn’t even make any sense.

If possible, I would try to get the message to the stepmom that what her parents are doing is more than ok.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is crazy and you need to make sure the step grandparents know you don't agree with her. Would it be too weird for you to contact them? Just tell them that your son always loves the gifts and that you appreciate them being part of his life. If you don't want to contact them, have your ex tell them. Your son would be punished if they decide to back off because of your crazy mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is out of line and thinking only of herself, not her grandchild. Grandchild has only ONE grandparent in his life. It doesn't hurt that other grandparent types acknowledge him. Every kid want to feel he has community if it is at all possible.

And know that your husband will tell his wife and she might tell her parents and then it will all stop. I would tell husband's wife that her parents' efforts are appreciated. And know, I do not have a step-grandchild.

+1

Do you see her at drop-offs and pick-ups? "Larlo told you what my mom said about your parents sending gifts to Junior. I'm so sorry. That was totally out of left field. I appreciate how kind they are to Jr. and I know it means a lot to him, too, to have them in his life."

[Anonymous]

Your child thinking some other adult thinks kindly of him is not a bad thing. Have your child write a nice thank you note to them and they will see you appreciate their kind thoughts. Your mom has something else going on with her. It's not your problem to fix.

[Anonymous]

I’m a stepmom and my parents ALWAYS treat my stepchild just the same as my biological children. My stepdaughter would feel very left out if they didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Why did you tell her?

I always sent my husband's kids gifts but his ex never gave the kids the stuff so eventually after a few years I stopped. If you support it, tell your mom its not a competition and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Not only are you not off base, but you may consider reaching out to your son's stepmother to apologize for your mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only are you not off base, but you may consider reaching out to your son's stepmother to apologize for your mom!

I would absolutely do this. My sons stepmother has lovely parents who adore him. He is very very likely to be their only chance at grandparent hood and they have embraced him with open arms. We are firmly of the belief that the more people who love a kid the better off that kid is.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is WAY out of line. I would not have hesitated to call her out on this with no equivocation. If she really cared about her grandson, she’d be delighted that he has more people around him to show him kindness.

She’s now pouting? Oh well. You have no obligation to reach out to her. Do not reward this unnecessary drama.