DW suffering from burnout

[Anonymous]

Suffering from a burnout with little to no support from DH. Work/life balance is becoming a daily struggle with Covid.The basic distribution of labor in our household falls on my shoulders. How to ask DH to help out more?

[Anonymous]

Say I need you to do XYZ. How he does the task is up to him, do not dictate that or it will not be done.

[Anonymous]

Ask for his support and don't be emotional about it. Just give the facts and say that you are burned out. If he is not willing to help then tell him that you will hire others to take some of the load off of your shoulders. If he still doesn't budge you are married to the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

You have decide if there’s anything you could throw money at, like a house cleaner or a tutor. Also see if there’s anything you can let drop.
Of course you could also have a genuine conversation with your husband about the situation, but I assume you’ve already tried that.

[Anonymous]

He is a lazy man-child and treating you like you're his mother who needs to take care of him. Take charge. Don't wash his dishes, do his laundry, clean his messes. Let them pile up, because his messes are not yours. If he complains that the house is never clean, tell him to clean up after himself, because he is an adult. Do not enable his laziness. He needs to take responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I would agree that having an open, unemotional, non-confrontational talk would be a good place to start. Before talking I would have already thought about and written down what tasks/chores you would like to have him take over. He obviously has been unable to read your mind and the signs that you need help so having clear expectations that he can refer to will help. If he balks or refuses, then explain that you will need to stop doing chores on his behalf like the PP poster mentioned. He will either step up to the plate or will be overjoyed to hire additional help- either way things will get better.

The other option is to take the PP's approach of just stop doing chores that he benefits from, and he will be the one to bring things up, but I would suggest not scolding him over it but just asking, "Hmmm, what do you think we should about it?" If he's acting like a child, treat him like a child, and manipulate him.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you ask. Which I assume you've done. Can you explain more about how those negotiations have gone? What barriers exist to a more equitable distribution of labor?

[Anonymous]

Another stop-gap measure is to take a day or two of leave and focus on catching up on household and family items.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’ve asked, begged even for additional help with simple tasks around the house. We have cleaning Service but cleaning everyday with children is required. He leaves for work I’m left to manage my own highly demanding job, food shopping, dinner, laundry, and care for the children. It’s utterly exhausting. He’s overworked but as am I. As most families are right now. I’m resentful he is constantly zoned out on his phone or the tv. Asked for his help but he’s always “busy”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a lazy man-child and treating you like you're his mother who needs to take care of him. Take charge. Don't wash his dishes, do his laundry, clean his messes. Let them pile up, because his messes are not yours. If he complains that the house is never clean, tell him to clean up after himself, because he is an adult. Do not enable his laziness. He needs to take responsibility.

Np. Lazy, selfish ManChild would be more than happy to play this game of chicken with you. Enjoy the mess and paying for take out orders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a lazy man-child and treating you like you're his mother who needs to take care of him. Take charge. Don't wash his dishes, do his laundry, clean his messes. Let them pile up, because his messes are not yours. If he complains that the house is never clean, tell him to clean up after himself, because he is an adult. Do not enable his laziness. He needs to take responsibility.

Np. Lazy, selfish ManChild would be more than happy to play this game of chicken with you. Enjoy the mess and paying for take out orders.

Gross, takeout is not an option. OP, create a to do list for him to complete. Don’t ask, hand it to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’ve asked, begged even for additional help with simple tasks around the house. We have cleaning Service but cleaning everyday with children is required. He leaves for work I’m left to manage my own highly demanding job, food shopping, dinner, laundry, and care for the children. It’s utterly exhausting. He’s overworked but as am I. As most families are right now. I’m resentful he is constantly zoned out on his phone or the tv. Asked for his help but he’s always “busy”

As a starting point don't do his laundry and don't run any errands on his behalf. He doesn't do it because some how it gets done.....by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suffering from a burnout with little to no support from DH. Work/life balance is becoming a daily struggle with Covid.The basic distribution of labor in our household falls on my shoulders. How to ask DH to help out more?

You tell him what you need him to do and when he doesn't do it you stop doing stuff for him. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking dinner - get take or pre-prepped stuff. Order groceries in. Get a cleaning service.

If your kids are too young to empty and load the dishwasher then use paper plates.

Just streamline everything to get by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’ve asked, begged even for additional help with simple tasks around the house. We have cleaning Service but cleaning everyday with children is required. He leaves for work I’m left to manage my own highly demanding job, food shopping, dinner, laundry, and care for the children. It’s utterly exhausting. He’s overworked but as am I. As most families are right now. I’m resentful he is constantly zoned out on his phone or the tv. Asked for his help but he’s always “busy”

How old are the kids? Have them start cleaning for themselves.

Stop doing anything for him.

Let some stuff go. Do you have a Trader Joe's nearby? Go stuck up on the chicken tenderloins, fish filets, orange chicken if your kids like it, etc. Get a rotisserie chicken once a week. Get deli meat and dinner is sandwiches.

We are in a weird and trying time. Don't feel guilty about making your life easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’ve asked, begged even for additional help with simple tasks around the house. We have cleaning Service but cleaning everyday with children is required. He leaves for work I’m left to manage my own highly demanding job, food shopping, dinner, laundry, and care for the children. It’s utterly exhausting. He’s overworked but as am I. As most families are right now. I’m resentful he is constantly zoned out on his phone or the tv. Asked for his help but he’s always “busy”

How old are the kids? Have them start cleaning for themselves.

Stop doing anything for him.

Let some stuff go. Do you have a Trader Joe's nearby? Go stuck up on the chicken tenderloins, fish filets, orange chicken if your kids like it, etc. Get a rotisserie chicken once a week. Get deli meat and dinner is sandwiches.

We are in a weird and trying time. Don't feel guilty about making your life easier.

+1 on all this, especially the kids doing more.