DW suffering from burnout

[Anonymous]

OP is it completely unsustainable to work fulltime and take care of 2 year old twins. Like insane. No wonder you're burnt out!

You are in crisis mode. Stop any unnecessary cleaning and cooking until you can get help.

Does your job offer covid leave? Take some and use it to interview childcare help and recharge.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone! Busy day so now able to answer questions. The cuts were at daycare due to limited CDC regulations. We are not able to afford $20 nanny, searches for daycares/ childcare but have not been successful for twins. I fear husband will become angry if I stop catering to his needs. Want a solution to this madness but honestly don’t know where to start. My company does not offer Covid leave, I work for a small contracting company. I’ll take the advice for takeout (costly) but great advice. Paper plates! Thank you for that one, it will save time. Really value your advice during these dark times. Feel as though everyone is struggling.

[Anonymous]

Fight for equal pay for woman. Fight for paid maternity leave. Fight for stuff that women in Canada have like the infographic below. Change this f'ing country's misogynistic rules that is pushing our women into dark ages. What a backwards and greedy nation.

[Anonymous]

OP — Your indication that you fear DH getting mad at you if you stop catering to him speaks if a real imbalance in your relationship, especially with twins.
You really need to sit him down and say you are burned out and he will need to step up.

1- Give him a choice in the evening routine - bath and play time or books with twins or doing the dishes and perhaps folding a basket of laundry.

2- I would look for a college sitter with whatever hours they might give you. OR even consider an early teen as a “Mother’s Helper” during the hell hours of late afternoon. If nothing else you Might be able to take a llityke time fir yourself and/or get dinner together more smoothly.

3- If DH is no help during the week, then I would carve out time fir yourself on the weekend, and do so by getting out of the house while the weather is nice.

You are in a hard time of child rearing and with two, so it is time to be honest with DH that he needss to step up, too. If you swing shift some if your work, then tell him two hours a night Mon- Thurs, you are back at work and he has the children..

[Anonymous]

Hire help.

[Anonymous]

What about the husbands that don’t care? They will gladly let the toilet get black and whiskers all over the sink. They have no problem stopping to get their own McDonald’s on the way home from work. They will do their own laundry 1x a month and don’t care if their socks are all over the living room or papers all over the counter. I mean it’s great that they don’t complain but you also can’t really have your kids only eating take out or living in filth or wondering why daddy gets mcd for dinner and we all eat something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh at stopping doing someone else's laundry, which should take more work to physically remove one person's dirty clothes from the load.

Yes, OP, give yourself more work in order to prove a petty point like these PPs want you to.

My H just throws his clothes on the floor, can’t even make it to the hamper 5 feet away. So it’s not extra work.

[Anonymous]

You WERE paying for daycare. Why can’t you use that money for a sitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone! Busy day so now able to answer questions. The cuts were at daycare due to limited CDC regulations. We are not able to afford $20 nanny, searches for daycares/ childcare but have not been successful for twins. I fear husband will become angry if I stop catering to his needs. Want a solution to this madness but honestly don’t know where to start. My company does not offer Covid leave, I work for a small contracting company. I’ll take the advice for takeout (costly) but great advice. Paper plates! Thank you for that one, it will save time. Really value your advice during these dark times. Feel as though everyone is struggling.

I’m in a similar position, and no measure of talking, asking, and dumping laundry at his feet has made a difference. I’ve decided to leave him once the pandemic eases and am getting my ducks in a row now (e.g: talking to divorce attorneys). Knowing I have a plan for ending it has made me fell much more at peace with what I have to deal with to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone! Busy day so now able to answer questions. The cuts were at daycare due to limited CDC regulations. We are not able to afford $20 nanny, searches for daycares/ childcare but have not been successful for twins. I fear husband will become angry if I stop catering to his needs. Want a solution to this madness but honestly don’t know where to start. My company does not offer Covid leave, I work for a small contracting company. I’ll take the advice for takeout (costly) but great advice. Paper plates! Thank you for that one, it will save time. Really value your advice during these dark times. Feel as though everyone is struggling.

I’m in a similar position, and no measure of talking, asking, and dumping laundry at his feet has made a difference. I’ve decided to leave him once the pandemic eases and am getting my ducks in a row now (e.g: talking to divorce attorneys). Knowing I have a plan for ending it has made me fell much more at peace with what I have to deal with to get there.

I’m not a divorce advocate generally but I think it would make sense in OP’s case. Can you move in with family for a bit, even far away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fight for equal pay for woman. Fight for paid maternity leave. Fight for stuff that women in Canada have like the infographic below. Change this f'ing country's misogynistic rules that is pushing our women into dark ages. What a backwards and greedy nation.

yes!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’ve asked, begged even for additional help with simple tasks around the house. We have cleaning Service but cleaning everyday with children is required. He leaves for work I’m left to manage my own highly demanding job, food shopping, dinner, laundry, and care for the children. It’s utterly exhausting. He’s overworked but as am I. As most families are right now. I’m resentful he is constantly zoned out on his phone or the tv.

Asked for his help but he’s always “busy”

Don’t have it all done when he gets home from work. Say- you need to do 2-3 hours of work after dinner. List of items that still need to get done (cleaning, laundry, prepare dinner a day ahead). Which do you want to do? Make a chart. Everyone gets equal tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You WERE paying for daycare. Why can’t you use that money for a sitter?

Sitters are more expensive. Pay cuts as well.

[Anonymous]

Food shopping? Delivery for everything. Done

Laundry, separating his to wash is a hard, but when folding (the hard part) his get tossed onto another hamper, his ‘bachelor bureau’ that he can rummage thru to get his wrinkled pants to work.

Does he make a lot more than you? How exactly are you working and caring for kids? We time shift so my DH works in afternoons when I’m done working, but sounds like you won’t get that support. Sitter or just let them learn to play on own. In daycare they had a lot of time just sitting by themselves so this is normal (we did daycare btw).

Cleaning. Throw everything away or at least put in storage. I mean everything. If it isn’t used weekly, it goes on storage. Pare down clothing everything. You want your house to be a small pile of toys for the kids, couches and beds.

Meals. Get a toaster oven and slow cooker. Stew and roasted vegetables every night. You do not want to use a stove or pan which requires you to stand at the stove actively cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the recommendations. The kids are under 2, twins. It’s been rough the last 6 months.

1yo TWINS?? And he comes home and just...sits on his phone??

Schedule an exercise class 4x/week and when he gets home just leave. Just. Leave. Get yourself dinner out and force him to cope. He can find food in the fridge to feed the babies, he’s capable of feeding himself. Just leave the house and make him deal.

In fact, it doesn’t matter what you do. Go sit on a park bench with a book, or whatever. Just leave the house and don’t come back till after you’ve eaten. If he loses his shit tell him he needs to step it up at home cause working full time with TWIN babies and no childcare is killing you. I’d be calling my mom and asking her to come live with us to help, or going to stay with my parents long term, whatever. I would NOT be staying with a husband who let me carry the entire burden of the house while working full time and solo caring for TWIN babies!