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Should I Invite the Neighbor Children to the Birthday Party??
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Anonymous
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We've lived in this neighborhood for 11 months. The birthday boy will turn 7. The neighbor children are 8 and 9 (boy and girl). They sometimes play with my 7-year-old when outside, but have never been to our house, or mine to theirs. Most of the time they ignore my child, even when he is standing there watching them play, wanting to play. He is very shy and I've encouraged him to ask to play, but when he does they just stare at him or ignore him. They only ask him to play when one of their parents is outside with them. My son is not adept at gross motor skill games like baseball, football, although he loves them. The pediatrician says he's fine, just a little slower at those things, but the skills will come). Even while waiting for the school bus they ignore him. If my son has a new toy and they see it, they will come over to him and he always let's them play with whatever it is. I've had to tell him to not do that because they take the toy and go to their yard and play with it and leave him out. They toss the toy down and don't even return it when done. I went over a couple of times to ask for toys to be returned and the mom said (through the screen door) "you can see it there, in the grass."
Anyway, since my son's birthday is in the spring he wants a fair/carnival type birthday - nothing big, just a moon bounce and a couple of games, cake and ice cream. I want us to fit into this neighborhood (there is only one other family in this neighborhood with a 6-year-old girl, otherwise most of the kids are teens) and for him to have friends near by. He does have school friends, but not in this immediate neighborhood. I really don't want to invite them, but feel it would be the neighborly thing to do. But I know that afterwards the kids will make fun of him and ignore him again. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks!! |
Anonymous
| If you have the space for them, I'd lean towards being the one to take the first step and invite the kids and maybe it will lead them to include your son more. If they go back to their old ways after the party, at least you know that you tried and you can move on without caring. That's at least what I would do. |
Anonymous
| OP, do you own this house? Do the neighbors? If so, I'd be inclined to invite them. If they're renting and probably won't be there for long, I wouldn't. It sounds like the mom isn't even nice to make up for the kids. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't invite them, they don't sound like particularly nice kids, nor do they sound like they treat your son respectfully.
Sure, it would be nice for your son to have friends right in the neighborhood, but you can't force it, and this sounds like it would be pretty forced. |
Anonymous
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Yes, we own our house and so do the neighbors. They've been in the neighborhood about 5 years. We're new to it.
Thank you all for your suggestions, it's hard to know what to do sometimes, I'm glad for forums like this! |
Anonymous
| Have you considered asking your child if he'd like them to come? Maybe you could leave it to him. |
Anonymous
Yes - first and foremost, this is your child's party. He should not feel pressured to invite them if they bully him or exclude him. Think of it this way - would you want a co-worker you dislike invited to your birthday party? |
Anonymous
| I would NOT invite them and if later there are questions asked I would say - It was just for school friends. |
Anonymous
sorry hit submit too soon... friends.... wanna join us for dinner tonight? maybe develop a friendship with the parents so the kids will warm up to each other. |
Anonymous
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I would ask your son what he wants to do. If he wants to invite them or is on the fence, I would go ahead and invite them withough any hesitation.
By reaching out with an invitation, you make it more likely that the neighborhood kids will be kinder and reach out to your son in the future. It's no guarantee, of course. But I'd say it increases the odds. On the other hand, setting up an outdoor party in the yard with a moonbounce and NOT inviting the neighborhood kids his age pretty much ensures they will not be any kinder to your son going forward. Nobody likes to be excluded -- not your son, and likely not the kids on your block either. Sure, you would know why you were doing it (because they've been mean), but they (and their parents) would not know why and would likely just feel snubbed. If you can't tell from the above, I tend to be a "take the high road" type of person. More often than not, kindness is reciprocated.  Good luck to you and your son!
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Anonymous
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If other neighbor kids come, then invite them. If not, then don't. I think mainstream American children often very narrowly parse out their social group based on age. In elementary school, even one year makes a difference in being "in" or "out" of a cohort, seriously! A nine year old going on ten might feel like a birthday party for a seven year old is babyish. Even an eight year old going on nine might think so.
Honestly, I don't think there is any harm in not inviting them. Just say it was for your child's school group. Or you can just casually mention to the neighbor parents (if this is the kind of thing where there will be multi-generational invitations going out) that they and their children can stop by if they want to. |
Anonymous
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They sound like little shits and the through-the-screen-door mom sounds like a bit of a shit herself.
I guess ask your son if he wants to invite them, but I'm guessing that since you already encourage him not to share his toys with them because of the way they treat the toys AND your son, you already know what you want to do. |
Anonymous
| You aren't obligated at all - think about it, would you invite them over for a BBQ if you had work friends over? Probably not, so there is no reason to invite them to your son's party, especially if they're not very friendly. Furthermore, they'd be turds to even mention it to you later. |
Anonymous
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PS: If the kids see the moon bounce and stuff, they might just knock on your door. Be prepared to call their parents, tell them they've arrived so they know where they are, and tell them they can stay (or come back when the party's over for a neighborly bounce).
PS2: We had families in our neighborhood growing up who had kids of all ages. We wouldn't have DREAMED of inviting ourselves over. And invited or not, for us kids it never impacted whether we were friendly as playmates during "regular business hours."
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Anonymous
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It's tough. If you can be sure they won't pick on him or make him feel bad about himself AT the party, I would be inclined to do it. Maybe the mother will come around and at least make things more civil at the adult level.
But if you think they will do something to make him feel bad about himself at his own birthday, don't do it. It breaks my heart to hear how they treat your boy. |